MIL Is Sick
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All has been fair lately with steplife UNTIL this mini-trip down south to visit with, MIL, FIL. What a pair of nuts.
So, BS is a year old, looks like dad and is VERY smart and adorable. I'm not just bragging either, he IS. "Most" grandparents would go ga-ga over the cutie-pie, right? HELL NO to MIL and FIL. FIRST THING, WALKING IN TO THEIR HOUSE were pictures of now SS8, ALL OVER the house. There was only ONE picture of BS1, on a mantle, with his dad, and it was 6 MONTHS OLD. MIL had our WEDDING PICTURE covered up with a pic of SS8. I mean, it looked like the SS8, Hall of Fame in there. MIL even had some crazy set-up of DH AND SS8 in a montage, like they were the same person. Wow. Just wow. I really would not care less, IF it had been an equal thing. Seriously, what is the deal with the "other" grandkids?! Don't they mean a shit to these crazy ass MIL's? Not to mention the whole time, MIL is putting on a guilt trip about DH not bringing SS8 down with us. So what? ENJOY this new baby boy grandson!!! Jeezit. SS8 DID NOT want to come MIL, we just did not want to hurt her feelings. Not one single new pic of BS1... NOT ONE?! IS SHE TRYING TO SMACK ME DOWN ON PURPOSE?
THEN, MIL gives DH NEW CLOTHES for SS8. Right in front of me and BS1. I'm going to go exchange the crap and get BS1 some damn, very needed new clothes. This is beyond f-d up. SS8 HAS TOO MANY CLOTHES. BS1 NEEDS new clothes, I don't get C/S like BM does and all of my bills paid for and a new doctor husband who takes SS8 and BM out to dine, almost every single day and MIL is doing this with DH, right in front of me and poor BS1? What do I do here? DH is a total wuss to his mom, FYI.
I think your life will be
I think your life will be more enjoyable if you understand that all the dreams and joys of being grandparents are wrapped up in his first marriage. They'll hang on to what they had until they die. You and your son are secondary. Tell your husband now that (stay calm while doing it) that if they treat him as some step-child (no pun intended) as he grows aware of what is going on then you and the boy won't be visiting in the future.
I.e. if on the next visit - about 2 years of age - grand parents are ignoring him then that will be the last visit. Nothing personal - no anger - just not going to let your kid see how second rate he is.
Don't dictate to anyone, don't scream and cuss, don't make further threats. Just visit next year and if they're still all wrapped up in the previous set then just don't go back. Don't be surprised if you're not missed.
You are right. I actually
You are right. I actually have not said one word to anyone. Anger does little good. I am with you. I figured that BS1 has zero clue right now at his age. In a year, yes he will start slowly catching on and IF it continues, it would be the last visit. It is tough on kids of divorce, I was one. BUT, i've had two boys thus far in life and both have actually been the 2nd grandson born, to both families. My eldest was never as special as the 1st, he knew it too. He has shrugged it off and moved on with his life now, and is happy. I will not let it happen again though from my experience. What is sad is that our son actually much brighter, looks like his dad, and is all 100 % jewish, by blood. I am guessing that they are just getting really old and do not see the joy in their son's eyes, or the pride that their son has now, walking around with a beautiful and smart, wife and son. Sad, but true. I know the jewish "guilty mom" act, but this is not healthy to either our son together, or their son. DH does what he can to make everyone feel welcome and loved. I treat SS8 like my own, when he is with me, and his baby brother. I ignore BM, and keep her at arm's length. "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."
I saw the "look" in DH's eyes though the whole time. He feels bad about it too. I mean, his mom had pics of SS8 and daddy doing this and that, when daddy had a much better job. Sick. Could they make us feel any worse, you know? This lady is a PITA too. She will just call and call and call and call... then leave nasty, guily voicemails if you do not anser, pronto. oy vey
Oh yes, they "used" to take
Oh yes, they "used" to take two grandkids, two weeks every summer and now that BS1 was born, have cancelled that... you should see all of the pics of various fairs, chunky cheeses, beaches, cruises, toys galore, etc.
NOT dissing my son. no way. They also have thousands and thousands of coins, paper monies, etc. bonds, etc. sealed up in a room to bury with them. no joke.
Dhs family is the same way.
Dhs family is the same way. The skids are the golden children, and my kids (also blood rated) aren't even an after thought. Mil hasn't ever met my kids and my oldest is 3 years old. Fil and smil barely aknowledge they exist, didn't even aknowledge their birthdays this year..... But you best believe the skids got a mountain of presents.
I no longer go to any family functions and I keep my kids with me.
It was a total nuthouse
It was a total nuthouse there. Really bizzare. We are talking SEVEN year old pics of SS8... all over....
I did move the pic of then, SS2 OFF OF MY WEDDING PICTURE. I hope she saw it after we left. }:)
I know how you feel. I had to
I know how you feel. I had to put with this with my exHusbands mom. She wanted to have more to do with our 1st child rather than our 2nd. So by her choice and actions she now has nothing to do with either of them! MY CHOICE MY ACTION! But now that I'm remarried. My new MIL and FIL are just as bad. DH and I have no childern together , but however we do have 6. 2 of mine 4 of his. And new MIL and FIL wouldn't ever let my kids comeover stay for the day or even the night. Didn't hang the picture I gave her of ALL 6 kids that we had taken. But had pictures of his exwife and her kids& and their kids together hanging on the walls everywhere. It got to the point were it was going to be: either he could be a mama's boy or my husband! I let him choose that one. We moved away from her (lived 2 houses down from her) I dont go to her house for anything not even hoildays. But I dont keep him or his kids from going.(note: his kids, not mine!)But she has never step 1 toe in my house the 5 years we've been here! Thats how it will stay.I let my exMIL f**k my last marriage to Hell and back. But not this time NEW MIL got to get my rules. She runs her house how she like!!! And I'll do the same in my house!!! Haven't seen or talked to her in 5 years and I'm not missing ANYTHING!!!!! That a stand! If DH will not stand up for his child and wife to his mother , Then you have to.
INLAWS cause more trouble , than they are worth! Hope this helps :?
Wow, I wonder if they are all
Wow, I wonder if they are all like that. My stupid MIL always sent gifts to skid, never to our kid. My DHs sister has seen our kid once and his brother maybe once as well...that's it. I say "scre#$% them all!" They now try to make up for it, but for years they didn't care. Heck, by the way, making up for it I think only occurs because they want to see DH, as when DH saw them wether our son went with him or not, they didn't much care either. I would put my foot down and stop going once the kid turns 2 if they can't treat them the same. It pisses me off to no end that these people want US to treat them as OUR OWN KIDS when the skids are NOT our own kids, but when it comes to grandkids, they see no problem treating SOME of their grandkids better than others although they are ALL their BLOOD RELATED grandkids. Idiots. Just idiots!
Sorry you have to put up with this. I know how much it hurts.
I HOPE THEY ARE NOT ALL LIKE
I HOPE THEY ARE NOT ALL LIKE THIS.
And we all went to this fair thing and MIL did not even put BS1 on one single baby ride. Not one but if that had been SS8? It would have been non-stop rides, all day long.
MIL YELLS aty me (wtf) like it is my duty to make sure that her son and SS8 are with me and BS1 all the time. Lady, SS8 did not want to come, for your information and he also has a new life with sugarstepdad and BM. This woman would kill me off at my age with her expectations to baby ALL of them?! Can't I REST and enjoy my own baby and MY HUSBAND? Um, just the two of them once in awhile please? Excuse me for being "natural."
Wow - that's not cool. I
Wow - that's not cool. I don't have a MIL - she had passed about 7 yrs prior to DH and I meeting but from what his family and friends say, she and I would've gotten along great. She didn't dote on SD14 like DH's dad used to do. FIL finally got a clue after he hadn't heard from SD14 for 2 mos and then voila! She called him the DAY before her birthday and simply asked him to take her to a birthday dinner. Yeah, see how this kid is?
Sorry you have to deal with that crap. That must be intensely frustrating!