More Xmas Crap...
Christmas used to be my favorite holiday, but I am really starting to get tired of it. The latest is that DH is getting $1000 from a relative that passed away. He is planning to use it to buy SS13 a laptop and BM's nephew an Xbox. He mentioned getting DD4 a book last night. This bothers me for two reasons:
1. This clearly shows that he views his three kids (which includes BM's nephew) as HIS kids, and DD4 as mine. I get that she is his stepdaughter, but BM's nephew isn't actually his either, and DD4's father passed away before she was born. She doesn't know another dad. I admit I spoil my daughter since she is the only one that I have, so its not like she needs more gifts, but still. Its the thought. Prior to this year, when the skids starting acting like shits, I bought them gifts for Xmas equal to what I buy DD4 and offered to chip in on SS13's laptop this year. Why is BM's nephew his, but his stepdaughter isn't? He does refer to her as his daughter, but there is clearly a difference here. Maybe its the amount of time spent with her versus BM's nephew?
2. DH has gotten himself into all kinds of financial trouble so I am paying all of the household bills. I offered to do this until March when DH is out of trouble since 1) its my house and I would be paying these bills anyway and 2) I am willing to help DH. In March, I expect him to pitch in 1/3 of all household bills per month (proportionate to our incomes - I make more than him). In the meantime, I don't mind him buying SS13 a laptop, but I am not going to support him so he can buy BM's nephew an expensive gift. I cannot stand that kid.
What do you think? Say something, or no? We do have separate money/accounts, but I am paying for everything, so its tricky.
I would suggest that he take
I would suggest that he take a portion of that money to pay for household bills? I am assuming that's how he got into financial trouble in the first place? Spending money on dumb stuff while there are bills to pay? If he has 1000.00 he can chip in 1/3rd of the bills this month. After he does that I would let him buy whatever gifts he wants (if he has money left over that is).
An xbox is a pretty expensive gift for a nephew. I mean I buy my niece a 15.00 gift. I care about her, but her parents are the ones that buy her expensive gifts.
No - DH is in financial
No - DH is in financial trouble for 1) allowing BM to sit on her butt for 16 years while he tried to support a family on $60,000 a year (in CA, that isn't much for a family of 5) and then took on all the debt when they divorced 2) a DUI that he recently got and lost his license over, resulting in big court fees and having to pay to driver to get to work, and 3)agreeing to pay BM $2500 a month on a $4000 a month salary before he met me. Of course he got behind a couple months and now she is after him for all of it.
BM's nephew is a kid that DH raised while he was with BM so I get that he views him as his son. I just don't think he should be shelling out that kind of money when I am supporting us and he is deep in financial trouble (none of which is due to anything I was involved in). On the other hand, it was my decision to foot the household bills until March when he can get back on his feet (ie, get his license back). Do I say something or no?
I agree with Sue. He is
I agree with Sue. He is totally using you. Not necessarily maliciously but it is still happening.
When DH and I got together he started doing stuff for SS that he could not previously afford to do as he moved into my home (paid for). I did not pitch a hissy fit. I just brought it to his attention that what he was doing was using me. That stopped it right then. Fortunately my DH wanted to do the right thing.
$1000 will buy the kids a lap
$1000 will buy the kids a lap top, 360, and he could still have $350 or more leftover. Target has a lap top on sale this week for $249 great price. XBOX 360 is $199 on Amazon. He can still buy those things and contribute to the household.
I think if he wants to buy his kids Christmas gifts he should be able to. There is a way to compromise.
I'm with Sue on this one. I
I'm with Sue on this one.
I also think he is being irresponsible with this $1000. He is living off you and buying expensive gifts for others. What would he buy them if he didn't have this $1000. Whatever it was he should stick to it and pay his debts. You need to insist on that and stop allowing him to make a fool of you. You need to stop him taking advantage of you. You need to stop treating him like a little boy you have to mother and expect him to be a man who pays his way through life.
If you do and say nothing here you are part of the problem and you are encouraging him to be irresponsible with his money.
You guys are totally right -
You guys are totally right - I blew up at DH about this and stepshit 13 being a little ass over the weekend. DH actually said that he is doing the best that he can, he can never do anything right (yep, when you try to please BM and me at the same time, you'll never be right), and that he usually doesn't want to take help from me because I really do care. What he is referring to is that he recently started writing down money (other than living expenses) that I loan him for gas, court fees, etc. and making something of an attempt to pay me back. Uh, yeah, I care. I just don't expect him to make a full written accounting since we are married. I figure he'll give me the money back without all that and apparently, he's been taking that as "go ahead and keep it?".
He then went on and on about how we live in "my house". Ummm yeah DH, it is MY house. I bought it before I met you, you haven't made one payment since you moved in two years ago, I filed preliminary divorce papers and the judge granted it to me as my separate property, and you made me pay you to put our floors in. What here says its your house too? And since you are still on your BM's loan, does that mean I own your house with her too? Because if thats the case, I want to start an eviction on her lazy ass.
Well technically he owns half
Well technically he owns half of bms house. So in the event you wise up and dump this moron who charged you to lay flooring I'd think that as he is half owner on the other property that would be considered as his asset and you'd get a share of that.
Charging you for flooring. You should have hired a tradie and sent DH packing there and then. In the long term it would have cost you thousands less.