Mutual acquaintances advice please....
SS8, DD9 and DS6 all go to the same school from our house. BM is a total alienating beast with 50/50 custody. We have trial pending for full custody. That being said, one of her recent charming acts was to sign up SS8 for string lessons at school next year. DD9 is also signing up (they are in the same grade). BM of course left DH completely out of the loop...it's probably important to mention a couple things 1) I am a music teacher 2) I am very involved in the school music program, and know the teachers very well. It's pretty clear BM has scratched my name off the emergency contact information, and told the school I am not allowed access to any of his documentation (which is also against a court order). DH is also very musical, and has been txting her to get any word about what's going on, and she refuses to communicate a thing.
So here's the situation, BM sets up lessons yesterday, and excludes DH. DH asked if I could get a copy of SS8's contact information, showing she did indeed exclude him from the process because DD, her dad and I had our appointment today. No problem. The string teacher lives around the corner from us, and her daughter and my DS6 play together after school on occasion. It's been a pretty casual friendly relationship. I don't go around spewing the nasty details about DH's horrid ex to people I casually know....so my request was a little awkward. I waited until XH and DD left, and made the request. She asked if there was any reason, and I gave her a look and said, "It's fine, I just don't want to get you involved in it." She said she'd make the copy no problem. I returned to the main office with my son's hat, and heard the teacher discussing the situation with the principal. I heard our names repeated again and again. She saw I was right there, and then covered her mouth with a piece of paper and started whispering. I left the school feeling like an idiot.
I get home to find out the principal called DH to confirm everything was okay sending the paperwork home with SS8. DH said of course, that he asked me to do that as a favor. So all is well, and he assures me the principal understands the situation, it's been going on for 3 years.
My issue is how to I approach the string teacher, my neighbor, mother of my son's friend? I want to talk to her about it, because I don't want things to be weird and awkward, but I feel like any approach to this is gonna make me look like even more of an asshole than I already feel.
Did you ask her to do
Did you ask her to do something wrong, outside normal channels, show you something you had no right to see?
Nothing to do but apologize for your wrongdoing. If you do that its likely everything will go back to normal. You can stick to the story: "I'm sorry it looked bad when I asked for those records I should have known that my husband should have initiated the request".
Since your husband has 50 50 can't he sign for you to see such records?
He did sign for me to see all
He did sign for me to see all records. I didn't do anything wrong. BM went into the school, and removed my name from the list. We have a court order showing that I have every right to pick them up from school and have access to all their documentation, as does their step-father.
The principal called DH,
The principal called DH, didn't speak to him in person. All is well on that front. But do I talk to the string teacher about it? What would I say? Or should I just ignore and move on?
Nothing legally, and if we
Nothing legally, and if we get the documentation proving BM removed me from the kids' contact, and removed all my rights, going against a court order, legally, her ass is grass. It's great news.
My issue is with the objective people who don't know the situation who I have to maintain a relationship with. I have to keep a relationship with her as my daughter's teacher, a neighbor and mom of a kid my youngest plays with. Ugh...I just hate having to put out that vibe of "look at how shitty this is...." worrying that onlookers are going to think I'm causing the problem when I 100% am not.
Well, there's "not spewing
Well, there's "not spewing vitriolic crap all over casual acquaintances", and then there's being seen as "secretive". I think in your efforts NOT to burden people with the nasty crap you have to deal with, that you've maybe gone too far in the opposite direction. You don't have to say anything negative, or make a big deal out of things, but you CAN say something like, "We're going to court shortly because of problems with BM, and my husband needed that for court. Thanks for getting it, and I'm sorry if it got weird."
That's a really good idea.
That's a really good idea. Thanks so much!