NoName's blog on incestuous dad/daughter behavior makes me wonder
Well actually several blogs make me wonder this. Is it really realistic to expect the kids in these situations, who are the true victims in these situations, to adjust normally and healthily to the changes regarding being kicked off the pedestal? I think not...these kids don't have the self confidence and emotional maturity to make good changes. Their parents really stunted them in so many ways. Maybe these kids know, on some level, right from wrong. But they don't have the skills or confidence necessary to make changes.
It is a bit unrealistic to expect said kids to act with maturity and civility when they're kicked off the pedestal. They're thrown into a dark abyss nobody should be thrown into. So to expect them to act perfectly is a bit much. The truth is, these dads and moms are setting their kids up for a lifetime of hurt. And there is nobody to blame for anything about the ugliness of these situations, except said parents.
These parents will and should reap what they sow. It's hard for me to feel sympathy for them. After all the true hurt they've caused their kids, it's not fair to expect these kids to be the bigger person and handle the changes well.
Not familiar with the
Not familiar with the situation you are refering to, but really, in general I think all kids, bios or steps, sometimes behave inappropriately. They need their parents to step in and set them straight when it happens. Too often in divorce situations, the parents don't out of guilt or because they feel they have to compete with the other parent to be the favorite. So the poor kid is left thinking there is nothing wrong with what they are doing. It sets them up for failure later in life when everyone else rejects them based on their behavior and may not even tell them why they are being rejected.
And stepparents get frustrated with being the objective party and being on the receiving end of the bioparents protective instincts. IMHO, some stepparents need to do a better job picking their battles if they want to be heard on the important stuff.
I found it really sad when my
I found it really sad when my DH realised that his son was wayyyy behind his peers and even younger family members and then his expectations suddenly changed, they escalated, and he expected ss to morph into an older, more mature child than he was. Unfortunately DH had ignored me for years when I suggested he encourage ss become more emotionally independent from his parents (both parents, but especially BM babied him). DH didn't even change when an educational psychologist was assessing his son due to his problems in school and emotionally.
Awful for ss and I had several arguments with DH over his sudden impatience at SS's inability to develop in a blink of an eye, ss did not have any guidance (except me) to increase self sufficiency, responsibility, manners and sadly I was blocked from daring to expect more (as many of us are).
It IS the parents fault, however as I pointed out often to my DH, at some point the parents will be ceased to be *blamed* for ss's short comings and instead people will blame ss himself for his attitude and behaviour, when he is of age. Nor do I think its acceptable for Stepparents to be used as whipping boys for any problems or expectations. The key is the parents, they fail and the child is more often than not, doomed. Hopefully some of these kids can save themselves because the stepparents are not permitted to intervene!
For the first three years I
For the first three years I did blame the SD. She after all was not a child she was a grown woman. But suddenly I realised the real problem was the way both parents had raised her, compounded by my husband being afraid to pull her into line and demand respect for himself. So he was hardly able to demand respect for his wife.i agree the problem is primarily the parents. But at some point these children become adults and live independently, well as independently as the handicap their parents ford on them allows. But into case she functioned enough to get a job a boyfriend buy a house, well he bought it, and move in with him. Then have a child. So at some point they should learn from others in their life. Work colleagues. partners and partners families etc., that their behavior is immature.
As far as incestious relationships between father and daughter go. I think EMOTIONALLY INCESTIOUS relationships are very common.