O/T - I guess I'm becoming a grinch
The older I get, the less I enjoy the gift part of Christmas.
Let me take that back .. it's not that I don't enjoy it, it's more that I despise it.
I don't care how much your "thought" counts. It's more crap that I won't use, I won't keep, and I certainly won't remember come this time next year.
The kids in my family have more "stuff" than they know what to do with. 3/4 of my siblings have dedicated toy/play rooms in their houses for their kids .. in addition to regular bedrooms (also full of toys). So why do I get a funny look when I tell them I'm not buying their kids gifts for Christmas? What is it that they need so bad that their parents aren't capable of getting for them?
Why is it that Christmas movies give everyone the warm/fuzzies when the underlying theme is that Christmas is not monetary, it's not material .. it's about love and family and spending time together .. but so few actually LIVE that way?
I don't care if you got me these awesome slippers on sale at a pre-Black Friday sale on Thanksgiving night for $5. I don't need them. You could've saved yourself $5 and spent the holiday with your FAMILY.
Oh .. and let's not forget .. "You only feel that way about Christmas because you don't have kids of your own. Once you have kids, you'll be excited about Santa and presents again". Um .. no. I have 2 skids whom I adore; 2 nephews I practically raised. I don't get excited about teaching them to believe Christmas is about presents and consumerism. Apparently birthing a child is a pathway to being brainwashed into perpetuating the materialistic drivel that so many people hold near and dear this time of year.
I don't get it.
/end rant
i agree with you. As my
i agree with you. As my sibling and i got older it was a family decision to stop exchanging gifts betweeen us and our parents. if my mom and dad want something they just buy it and we are all old enough to buy what we need. we just eat and drink and grandma gives the grandkids gifts and grandkids usuanlly give grandparents a small thing they made or bought. makes christmas much more enjoyable. this was one of the best decisions we made in our family.
It's funny because my
It's funny because my siblings and I did the same thing a few years ago. We agreed to stop buying .. and then slowly, it seems to have resurfaced.
It starts with one person finding something on sale and picking up a gift. Not to be outdone, the other siblings find out and also buy a gift. Because apparently it's some sort of tragedy to receive a gift and not have one to give in return.
I STILL don't buy gifts. I don't have a brand new car, a big fancy house, all the luxuries of the first world, an overflowing Christmas tree .. but I also don't have a world of debt, maxed out credit cards, or an obligation to slave away at a job I hate for endless hours to afford it all.
Ok Scrooge. I am really just
Ok Scrooge. I am really just kidding. Totally agree with the materialism. And honestly, I have the custody sharing how it interupts the holidays and screws things up. I grew up in an Italian family that loved Xmas eve and loved all holidays and custody sharing cuts into all the holidays and I struggle to maintain enthusiam.
I love yankee cheap swaps cause you don't spend much but you have FUN!
Smaller is better. Our society has become all about money. Kids are losing the true meaning of holidays.
Simple!!!!
You may want to watch "It's a Wonderful life". A dose of that sometimes helps. It helped me.
The custody sharing is a
The custody sharing is a whole other mess.
Kids get two Christmases. Why? Because Santa goes to two houses for some kids, but not all? Because they're special because they have divorced parents? Is that the lesson we want to teach them and raise them with?
I get that people celebrate their holidays the way they want, and it's up to them to make those choices. We've gone the gift-games before in my family, and I agree, they are a lot of fun. I just find all the shopping, gifts, material stuff, etc. exhausting.
I'd rather be home, with my family, baking cookies, decorating trees, watching movies, building gingerbread houses .. or out at the Festival of Trees or driving around to see Christmas lights. To each their own, I suppose.
We don't do a second
We don't do a second Christmas for the skids when they're with BM on Christmas day either. Like you, we get them a few small gifts from the two of us, but nothing excessive.
Unfortunately, every other year that means they still get two. Luckily DH and I are on the same page, so we don't have any battles over what or how much to buy for the skids
Ok Scrooge. I am really just
Ok Scrooge. I am really just kidding. Totally agree with the materialism. And honestly, I have the custody sharing how it interupts the holidays and screws things up. I grew up in an Italian family that loved Xmas eve and loved all holidays and custody sharing cuts into all the holidays and I struggle to maintain enthusiam.
I love yankee cheap swaps cause you don't spend much but you have FUN!
Smaller is better. Our society has become all about money. Kids are losing the true meaning of holidays.
Simple!!!!
You may want to watch "It's a Wonderful life". A dose of that sometimes helps. It helped me.
I'm the cook in my family.
I'm the cook in my family. When we get together, the gifts I bring are food and treats. Whenever I can, I cook something day of and let the kids help me. I pass on recipes and techniques this way.
I almost always bring games .. some kid appropriate, some adults only.
I enjoy my family. I love them more than anything in the world. The gifts I bear are NOT monetary, but investments of time and attention.
Like you said, gift shopping is stressful. I've worked hard to be at a place in my life where I'm not stressed in my work, in my relationships, in my finances .. why should holidays be any different?
I think there's plenty of
I think there's plenty of draw backs to being a child of divorce .. but lacking Christmas presents isn't one of them
Amen. I'm 49 and like a piece
Amen. I'm 49 and like a piece of woodworking, I've gradually whittled Christmas into what I think it should be- not what MIL or society says. Lots of good food and family, doing puzzles and board games, and watching movies. DH still overdoes on the decorations, and I love to see him stress out over getting gifts for his huge family. If you don't want to do it , DON'T DO IT. Im in the longest stretch of sobriety I've had in years,(I'm an alcoholic), it's amazing how it makes the unimportant fall away.
This year in my family we
This year in my family we decided to draw names among adults and choose gifts that the recipient could use up. I asked for real maple syrup or moisturizing bath soap. My mom wants a special kind of cookies that are hard to find in her area. That's how we've dealt with the problem of getting more "stuff" we don't want/can't use.
i'm with ya. it gets worse
i'm with ya. it gets worse as they get older too....
my Christmas spirit is out the window with skids. there is no more surprising them. it's a timeframe of year they get to blow a certain budget. their stuff is hand-picked, sometimes combining it- "if i use g-ma's money AND your money, then i'll get this."
it's SO gonna suck this year. gee, what a waste of wrapping paper when they already know what it is. now it's no different than shopping for school clothes, only difference is that DH is stuck on wrapping them up.
Oh, I don't buy gifts. I do
Oh, I don't buy gifts. I do bake goodies and cook for them and we still get together anyway. They just carve out some time to do their exchange in the midst of other activities.
I don't want it to seem like I don't enjoy my time with my family .. I still go see them and spend time with them, just on my own terms. They're my brothers and sisters .. so no matter how much I love and adore them, there's always going to be things they do that tick me off
Agreed 100%. Nothing says ¨I
Agreed 100%. Nothing says ¨I don't really give a shit about you¨ than a too-small throw from the bottom of a sale bin at Wal*Mart.
We never taught SD5 about Santa. DH does a little treasure hunt thing for her on Christmas Day where she has to find her hidden gifts. In no way has this depreciated the wonder of Christmas for skid. I have to throw a huge side-eye at any parent who worries about how believing in an imaginary man is going to negatively affect their children. It's just...bizarre.
I read an article a friend of
I read an article a friend of mine posted on Facebook defending the over-spend that happens on Christmas. Something along the lines of, "I tell my kid 'no' all year long and never splurge on anything for her, so at Christmas I say 'yes' if only to preserve the magic of Christmas for my daughter."
IDK .. it's all a bit odd to me. Christmas isn't magic .. it's a religious holiday celebrating the birth of a savior. Santa, presents, and all the commercialism got so intertwined that now we call it "magic" to justify it for ourselves.
I know I sound extra-scroogy .. but I really do love the season and my family. I love all the other stuff (music, lights, trees) .. just not the obsession with presents.
Not buying that defense at
Not buying that defense at all. Since when does 'magic' equal getting whatever you want? What a horrible lesson for children. SD is obsessed with presents, and I have to remind DH that he's not doing her any favors by indulging her every whim. Magic is raising your kids to become healthy, well-adjusted adults. You can't buy that at a Black Friday sale. If parents feel the need to compete in the spoil-a-thon that is Christmas, they should just admit they like the competition. They're not doing it for the kids, they're doing it for themselves.
"They're not doing it for the
"They're not doing it for the kids, they're doing it for themselves."
This is absolutely how I feel about kids who get two Christmases. The kids don't need 2; wouldn't even think to want 2 if parents didn't intervene .. the parents just want to have the experience of Christmas morning for themselves.
Our BM is like this. Last year skids came to us for Christmas break on Dec. 21 and stayed for 2 weeks. BM needed to have Christmas so bad that Santa visited her house early .. on Dec. 15. It's just absurd.
Absurd is right. Sad to see
Absurd is right. Sad to see parents who are too selfish to think about their kids.
Things change as kids grow.
Things change as kids grow. With my two, when they were little, Santa brought the one thing they desperately wanted, but I had refused to buy during the year. Boy, that Santa rocked! Santa did
NOT stop at Dad's. Years they were there, we celebrated early or (usually) late - and Santa complied. No big deal.
As they got older, Sure, they had wants. And I did my best. Sometimes, I tried to even it up by # of gifts, sometimes by $. But they NEVER got everything they asked for! And sometimes they knew I simply could not afford... (Note - I did encourage them to write different lists for me/Dad so we wouldn't duplicate, but also did not allow them to ask their Dad only for expensive stuff. They knew I expected a range on BOTH lists.)
THIS year? My 19yo asked me if I could get her a team (her college team) jacket - as a Christmas gift. It had to be ordered on Oct. Sure. My Mom asked the other day what to get her, as she could not see NOTHING under the tree for her. When I asked kiddo? She was shocked. Because she expected nothing else. When I asked my 22yo (a few weeks back) he said that the best thing he could use was some cash to help him pay for Grad school apps. Posing my mom's question? Socks, underwear... towels.
If they are given everything? They expect to get everything. and that is not their fault.