O/T Reassurance
Okay so this isn't step related but just as Polymom did I need a little encouragement. Effective March 1, I because unemployed due to a mass layoff (shut down my whole office). I have been looking for work, and filed for unemployment though something I hate to do I have put in long enough, and am doing at least x8 if not more the required searching feel that it is okay. Also, my company is refusing our contracted severance meaning there has been no paycheck on my end in right at over a month. DH has been offshore pretty much the whole time leaving me in a silent house which is nice because I don't have the scowling look from SS who got pissy when DH said they couldn't work on his ATV because of my layoff, but it is rather lonely.
I have only left the house when necessary and gone on my walks but we live in the woods so at the end of the day I still feel super lonely...and it seems to be affecting crying episodes more and more each day due to money worries, loneliness, etc.
On a good note I have a interview Monday which I am praying works out because though not as good a pay, I will only be about 20-30 miles from the house apposed to 80. DH is also supposed to come next week but has seemed very unenthusiastic about it I am assuming because he knows my emotions, and he gets stressed about money to as his last paycheck was missing a day (that is how they are paid and customs screwed up the boat being at the dock on time shorting everyone going to work a day). I have tried to not let him see the super emotional side as I know that he already has a lot on his mind.
I'm sorry for the depressing rant/post but I just feel like all my family in friends who know me would look at me funny for crying and tell me to suck it because that is the normal go to thing. I shared with one family member the situation and her response was "Well you should have seen it coming and saved" Mind you my savings was shot when I was involved in a wreck and only had liability insurane, and so I was rebuilding it. As for seeing it coming not even the VP's in my office saw it coming as we were all being given super optimistic news up until the conference call...and our out of country office is apparently still optimistic as they are advertising on the website to hire someone but refuse to pay us because the US company was another entity and causing us to file claims through state agencies as a only means to get our money.
I guess I just want to ask everyone for happy thought on Monday as I really need this job. I also need reassurance to stay strong and happy making DH want to come home.
Honey I don't know you but I
Honey I don't know you but I am praying for you. I hope your interview works out and also that you do receive the severance you are due. That is way too much stress on you and I understand loneliness and it is awful.
Hugs to you and hope it gets better.
Thank you. I am just so sick
Thank you. I am just so sick of not getting responses because of Spring breaks and having to fight for something that was in my contract - from the way the CEO is talking we might get paid next month but to me that is asking everyone who sacrificed for you to go a month without anything and legit I have lived off of almost nothing while DH has been gone. I am not one to try to ask for help.
I am very very lonely. At this point I want SS or somebody over here because a empty house right now is a depressing house.
Hugs!
Update: Dh's friend stopped by to check on me and for me to give a message to MIL. Him and I have always had a weird relationship as he is the one who stayed in our house and made me feel disrespected but I will say my spirits just got lifted a little bit as he could have just left the note and if MIL sees it she does if not oh well (he went to go measure her house as he's going to help put some new wood on the roof/siding) but he said he wanted to check on me and make sure MIL got the message. It is the little things.
Thanks people. I am just
Thanks people.
I am just starting to feel a little discouraged and sick of anytime DH and I talk it's about money, but not me needing it as I have drained my savings but about how he is stressed - mind you he's been on a boat where he shouldn't have spent anything, and will only have one week home before he gets paid, I am just about to get my first unemployment check and putting what I can towards bills but it doesn't seem enough to calm his stress of missing a day of work. Mind you BM never worked or anything yet he is stressed that I can't help more.
Mind you I also miss him like crazy and only reason he says he wants to come is that he is tired, he has not once mentioned missing me really without me bringing it up which shows distance.
I just feel so down mentally and physically.
I've found that many of us in
I've found that many of us in the western world having been raised in a consumer society put a lot of weight on being able to provide ourselves with all the trappings of a successful consumer. Yet in my opinion we're perfectly capable of living an adequate life with only one income in a family if we're willing to do without the latest 6 foot TV screen. So far your only complaint has been that a recreational vehicle must remain unrepaired. Something that definitely can be placed in the "can wait" category.
As for the pissy teenager my Dad taught me that disappointment is a part of life. First lesson now being learned.
Instead of morosely wondering around worrying about another job lets take some time and revel in the fact that you have a few extra and unexpected days to admire the world you live in. Do you realize that by living in the country breathing fresh air every day you have something millions of others only dream about?
If this job interview doesn't pan out then you'll have some more time to admire your world. I'm sure you'll find a job in due time and although it may not pay as much it'll be better than nothing at all. Or will it? Have you considered the costs of a job? Car expenses are around $3000 a year plus gasoline, routine maintenance and repairs adding up to around $5000 a year depending on your states tax system for automobiles. Clothing, do you eat out for lunch, income tax both federal and state and don't forget your tax bracket may be higher when you work. Compare expenses to income and you may be making only a few dollars an hour.
You might find that that time is better spend smelling the roses so to speak. Or maybe planting some and maybe selling the results to the local flower shop. And if Homeland Security isn't monitoring today you can even sell them under the table at a roadside stand.
Orange. It isn't a teenager
Orange. It isn't a teenager he is a mere 6 year old, who has a ATV because I took up my part and DH and him have been able to buy toys unimaginable when with BM.
We honestly live a pretty modest lifestyle this past time home I finally got a decent ($75 craigslist) dining room table. Both DH and I were rebuilding, our TV is new but was on sale and I had a coupon, I don't use lights as we have man windows and a sky light, cable is minimum. That is the thing that I think irritates me as honestly when it comes to my end we don't live lavishly.
Thank you for reminding me of the little things, I have tried to go on more walks lately to admire the fact that we live in a not very residential area and to enjoy the outdoors. I guess I just feel so caught up in everything. I have not really looked at the cost of a job though with DH working half the year and home half I would think our vehicle cost are fairly small as normally my car which is better on gas is used, I hardly eat out for lunch as I like to know how stuff is made. I'm sure that really it does cost a lot more than I think to be working.
Again like I said I have tried to enjoy time outside, I have cleaned up the house of clutter and done all the little chores I kept saying needed to done that never did... it has been nice and relieving on that sense.
I guess a lot of my stress really comes from not feeling like I am pleasing my DH. I know he has been busy and I know he has been tired, and has told me it will all work but it is the little things like me having to say I miss you first, and only feeling like all we talk about is money. I strive to be an amazing partner but sometimes I just feel so alone.
Do you have any dogs? They
Do you have any dogs? They are my babies and give me so much unconditional love, never guilt me, yell at me, and all they ever want in return is my attention. It doesn't get any better than that!
No dogs but...there are some
No dogs but...there are some cats that wonder our area we fed th as kittens as it was freezing out who visit from now and then. With my previous job it wasnf feasible to have a dog due to my commute and DH being gone half the time.
Something you can start right
Something you can start right now is a garden. If you're in a colder climate, start seeds inside and you will have plants to plant outdoors when it's time. Something for a little cash you can do is offer to do odd jobs for friends. If someone came to me right now and offered to clean my house because they need money, I would jump on it in a heartbeat. Doing little things here and there will keep your mind off the depressing things, and doing things that are productive are even better. Good luck, and keep us updated on the interview!
I have done several side jobs
I have done several side jobs with it being tax season as my undergrad was accounting. I have really tried to stay busy.
I think the hardest time of the day is the evenings into night time as I previously had sleeping issues. But trust me I am trying.
I appreciate the encouragement. I am hoping the interview goes well and feel I already have a leg up because as DH tells me I am "old school" as even after the phone interview/conversation I sent the supervisor a email thanking him for his time and that I was looking forward to meeting him. I also always keep a thank you note to hand write and drop in the mail afterward. Something I have been told not many people due anymore or at least not where we live.
Good luck. I have a feeling
Good luck. I have a feeling its gonna all work out just fine for u, but ill send u up a few prayers to make sure
^This. He has has tried to be
^This. He has has tried to be supportive and I know he is busy but it seems like I am always initiating the sweet comments. I have given him ample opportunity and it just doesn't seem to happen.
Mind you our average talk time in the past 7 days is 2-5minutes a day.
I ended up sending him a Facebook message telling him it didn't seem like he was excited to come home as it was truly wearing on me. I also explained I understand he has a lot of stresses but that it was just simply bothering me. His response was "Baby I'm just tired and wanna come home. I think our over analyzing it don't worry".
I think with him being gone, and our short conversations he really has not seen my daily struggles with this situation, he has not witnessed the tears his friend saw last night when he stopped by - like he got out of the truck and asked how I was and I broke down, didn't give much details but it was just someone who didn't have to taking that step to stop by, and to show interest knowing that it is a rough time. He has detached himself from the situation in a way, that I don't think he realizes he isn't as making the reach to reassure me as I need it.
I think my messaged helped!
I think my messaged helped! We just had a full minute conversation where he said "I was just calling to tell you I love and miss you" and then after asking me what I was doing I told him I was sitting in what is 'his' chair he said "5 more days and I will hopefully be home". It is amazing how the little comments put a smile on my face when hanging up rather than wanting to cry out of loneliness.
Again thanks to everyone for
Again thanks to everyone for the support. It is amazing how reading responses on a online forum can actually boost my mood.
I am trying to stay strong this weekend though DH told me last night he may be coming home a day late as they may be underway on the day of crew change in a spot that would make coming home on-time impossible. This has got me a little more down.
Today it is gorgeous outside so I may take some time to clean out my car (his truck has already been cleaned), and spend some time on the porch with a book and just trying to stay positive.