Over. Finished. Enough.
After the situation got even worse and I have been blasted again today, OH has again given me both barrells and said we are dead and over. He brought up the toxic SS20 again, the incident when we first met (caused by SS20), the subsequent nightmare the family went through (caused by SS20), and the remaining atmosphere (caused by SS20's non-stop awful behaviour).
I am not taking this any more, I physically and emotionally cannot. I will be moving out, and I've come away for a few days. The immense sadness I feel at the end of our relationship is at least tinged with the fact that I will not have to ever cope with the singularly most toxic, poisonous, deceitful, cunning, selfish, manipulative, nasty young man I have ever had the misfortune to come across.
From 3 months in, when SS20 fell out with his father over his behaviour on our first holiday (nothing to do with me), SS20 attempted to manipulate me and recruit me into the hurtful actions he told me he was about to do. He tried to use me, threatening to destroy his father, telling me what he was about to do secretly hoping I would 'have a word' to get OH to let him get away with everything he was doing. SS20 said to me "just to let you know, I'm going to be watching Dad for the next few hours, and if he says one more thing about X, I am going to leave tomorrow. Just one more word." I could not spend the day knowing SS20 was about to destroy the holiday and keep that from my partner, or not let my partner he was being watched every second. So I told SS20 that he should speak to his father, and not me. I told him I would at least speak to OH and let him know SS20 was unhappy. I spoke to OH and told him SS20 is angry and wants to speak to him. SS20 chickened out, OH knew he had, and the atmosphere was tense between them. Later, as soon as OH was out the room, SS20 laid into me verbally. Calling me traitor etc and shouting at me. OH came in and told SS20 to be quiet. He woudn't. OH shouted at SS20 to get out. SS20 stood outside shouting obscenities to us both, calling up to his brothers telling them how OH and I are ******* losers, disgusting stuff about me. Next morning we discovered he had left in the early hours, ruining the holiday for everyone (with full knowledge of course, as that's what he was threatening to do when he spoke to me). He moved in with his mother, and refused to come to our house. He refused to apologise. He fell out with his stepfather and they nearly had a fight. He demanded to come to ours. He never apologised. The months that he was away traumatised OH, and so I am told by OH the other SS (even though SS20 was a few mins away and lived with SS every other week anyway).
OH has been too scared ever since to tell him off for anything he does. He's known that and has exploited us all. And I have had the blame for that original blowup on holiday, the 7 months of him being away, and the toxin's behaviour ever since.
Including today. All brought up again. All the blame at my feet - because OH did not dump me back then like SS20 wanted, so isn't that enough? What more could I have possibly wanted? I was kept around, but treated like dirt, and blamed every week, told what an amazing sacrifice OH had made for me, whilst verbally beating me and letting SS20 get away with treating us like his personal slaves.
Today it's all over. I'm a mixture of emotions. Thank you for the words of support I've had over the variety of situations I've found myself in recently. I wouldn't say no to some more words of support, I must admit.
And OH has let him win.
Break ups are always hard, no
Break ups are always hard, no matter how they come about. But, you will be better off, as this man has no respect for you or your well being. Leave him to tend to his loser son, you can, and will, do better.
Being alone (and you should be, for awhile) will be much better than being in the middle of this dysfunction. You will get your sanity back, have some peace, a clean place, and much more.
Fly! You are free!
I think you're the winner.
I think you're the winner. You're getting away from the toxic SS, and you're also getting away from your OH, who has treated you badly, failed to support you, and therefore is toxic to you as well. Those are GOOD things, whether it seems like it now or not. Of course you're hurting, and I hope that passes quickly and you can move on to someone who will treat you the way your deserve to be treated. I hope that someone will be unemcumbered by horrid children.
Congratulations on leaving
Congratulations on leaving this non-man failed waste of skin of a father and the refuse of his shallow and polluted gene pool festering and rotting in their incestuous attraction for each other while you kick off the next exciting phase of your life.
Enjoy! Do not give him or them a second thought. There is absolutley nothing for you to be upset about beyond the time that you wasted on these POS idiots. You will be wasting no more of your time on them and that... is the ultimate win.
I am glad you are leaving -
I am glad you are leaving - you should see this as a wise exit from a horrible, toxic family. Neither your SS, nor probably your DH, will ever have a successful relationship with anyone, because they behave so narcissistically and your DH is locked into an enabling relationship with his POS son. Let them go and spoil someone else's life - you have yours back.
Just realised the long gap
Just realised the long gap and then the dramatic "win" line - wasn't supposed to do that, just mixed up my paragraphs and editing.
Today, the relief of never having to deal with SS20 is overtaken by never being with OH, who I love dearly, again. Not doing well.
Keep breathing.
You are okay. It's okay to mourn the loss of a relationship, but that guy does not treat you right & you did the SANE thing to get all the way out of that mess.
(((Hugs)))
Quit torturing yourself. If
Quit torturing yourself. If he was worth a shit he would not have dumped you for his toxic prior relationship breeding failures.
Make different choices on your feelings and give yourself a break.
strenght
I wish you all the best,that you can land on youre feet. And i do hope you get the love you deserve
Hugs to you in your grieving
Good riddance of bad rubbish is the saying. After reading your posts and this one, the pain you have endured, it is going to be a relief in a little bit. Come back post and read, you will see that there is light at the end of this painfilled tunnel. SS was abusive and horrid, not only to you but your SO. I too have a Toxic Feral child that I have to deal with, but she now lives with her mother, Toxic Troll. Even with her living away, there is ALWAYS some kind of drama. She has spilled her hatred and insults on us, ut we disengaged which is the healthy way to deal.
You will rebuild your life without the toxic sludge to hold you down.
Stay strong
I too walked or should I say ran from my relationship this week. It’ll be hard going as we progress through the different emotions, but in the long run we will both be better off.
When your feeling down and the tears start to well up, just think of the shit SS and how he destroyed everything. I’m going through the anger phase to think a cunning little shit of a 12 year old destroyed my relationship and my hopes and dreams. In reality it is our ex-SO that allowed it to happen.
Stay strong and don’t look back.