Paperwork (getting it from BM)
When my SO and his ex were married, she was the organized, responsible one. She paid the bills, took care of the paperwork and basically controlled the household and kept things running. SO was lazy and let her carry that entire burden. He worked and helped with the kids but was clueless about their finances and the like. When she left, she took all the paperwork with her. They have a cordial relationship and when he's needed something, he's just asked her for it and she gave him a copy. However, I don't think it's fair to her for him to ask whenever he needs something, nor do I think it's very smart for him to not have relevant paperwork.
I told him he should just ask her for copies of the paperwork she has all at once (with him paying for the copies, of course, and having them made if she'll trust him with her originals) so that he can create his own files and have it all in his possession. Here's what I thought he should have: tax returns they filed together, copies of the kids' social security cards and birth certificates, a copy of their marriage license, a list of the kids' medical/dental providers and contact information, copies of the kids' insurance cards, and login info for the school portal. She's already given him the paperwork for their house (which he got in the divorce), and I don't think there are any other debts or assets they have together anymore.
I know there are things on the list (like the birth certificates and marriage license) that he could (and should) order himself, but he thought for the time being she wouldn't mind providing copies. Does anyone think it is inappropriate for him to ask for these items? Can you think of anything important that we're forgetting?
Medical info for DH?
Has DH had any major medical issues that there would be medical records for that he might need?
He should create his own log in for the school portal.
Since BM seems cooperative, I don't see anything wrong with him asking for everything at once. Maybe he could point out that this way he won't have to ask for anything in the future.
On point
I think you're doing exactly what is right. The only other thing I would say is I'd appreciate having a copy of EVERYTHING you have ma'am because we are equally responsible for these children. It would be counterproductive to not be equally equipped with whatever there is available for their benefit, and our ability to be on the same page.
When she moved out... my XW
When she moved out... my XW left all records and paperwork. Which came back to bite her in the ass during our divorce. I never provided her with copies of anything other than things I was using to smack she and her attornies around with and then I provided notarized copies while I kept the originals and several notarized copies in various locations.
I would say if XW is amenable, get copies of everything and more importantly, DH needs to stop interfacing with his X.
Original post is from 2018
Original post is from 2018