Please don't judge me.
This fourm has been very helpful to me, I have recieved alot of support. I am probably just going to get judged for what I am about to post, so please if you don't have anything helpful to say please don't respond.
I me my BF two years ago, after I had been seeing him for awhile, he enlightened me to the fact that he was still legally married. Him and his ex, and always intended to divorce (separated for over four years) but had not filed the paperwork yet. A couple of months after we started dating, he told me his ex had him sign the divorce papers. So when we moved in together two months agao, it has been almost a year since he signed the papers. I find out today, that she didn't file the papers, she has been sitting on them. Of course he doesn't tell me this until we got a place together. As far as I knew the divorce was in the works. He also didn't tell me that this isn't the first time she has done this!
I feel cheated. I was led to believe that this was being taken care of. As far as I am concerned their marriage is over, so they need to finish their business. Had I known this before I signed the lease I wouldn't have moved in with him, until the papers were AT LEASE filed.
I told him immediatly F*** your ex, file here NOW! I got this "I don't want to piss her off." He is afraid that if he does anything to piss her off that he will have a custody battle on his hands. I am sooooooooo angry that I wasn't given the option to make an informed decision on whether or not I wanted to get invovled with this, BEFORE I signed on the dotted line. I thought that this was all being sorted out, I had no idea what I was getting into. Now I am in a lease that I can't afford to break! I am willing to wait a little bit for him to get the ball rolling with this matter. Although if he doesn't....quickly, this will be a deal breaker for me. He lead me to believe that we had the potential for a future together, but if wont man up and deal with his buisness.....WE DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just don't know what to do.......HELP!
In my 2 plus year on this
In my 2 plus year on this site, I have come to find out that the majority of people here are kind, loving, TRUSTING people who really and truly want to make a difficult situation WORK.
Unfortunately, many of the "good people" here run into "not so good people" who lie, are hurtful, and are out for THEMSELVES (this often includes Skids!!!)
As a "good person", you struggle with what YOUR BLAME is in the scenario and often beat yourself up mercilessly wondering WHY and HOW someone you LOVE and TRUST can do this to you.
This man does not deserve you!! He lied to you and hurt you. Forget the "nice person" in you, if that's possible, and treat him the way HE deserves to be treated. Dump his sorry hiney and find someone who is WORTHY of your TIME, your LOVE, and all the KINDNESS you would have wasted on HIM.
He is just TYPICAL of the kind of situations so many people here find themselves in....YOU are trying to create a happy relationship and he's out to have it HIS WAY. I wouldn't waste another minute on this dude. Hugs!!
Can you afford the lease on
Can you afford the lease on your own?
I can't imagine anyone
I can't imagine anyone judgeing YOU in any way. Your BF, not so much. You need to accept that he has now set the tone for your entire relationship. He's told you some major lies and gotten you into a tough situation financially already. What do you think might be in store for you down the road if you continue this relationship? Nothing good, I'm sure. If he is lying to you about these very important issues he will lie about anything.
Anyway, I wasted a lot of time on this idiot. I would confront him as I discovered the true story and he would tell more lies, etc. This went on and on until I finally accepted that he COULDN'T tell the truth and we went our separate ways. But dealing with all that BS really had an impact on how I deal with people today. I'm not nearly as trusting as I used to be and if someone lies to me, I have no use for them.
I was involved with a man for about 4 years and discovered he was a liar. And told me some of the most outragous things...which I believed, of course!
Think long and hard before you continue this relationship. I think you're going to end up with a broken heart.
Grab a bottle of white
Grab a bottle of white zinfandel honey. It seems like he loves you but still feels like he owes her something. Give him an ultimatum or tell him to cut you a check.
Our spouses don't realize that their lingering exes are like a shadow that haunts us in our own homes.
OMG, I'm not the only one who
OMG, I'm not the only one who likes white zinfandel!
I know some people who break
I know some people who break knee caps.
Thank you soooooooo much
Thank you soooooooo much everyone. I really needed the support. I gave him a one month deadline to file. If not, I don't care if I ruin my credit. My happiness is more important.
I am gone I mean...lol, I
I am gone I mean...lol, I will leave if he doesn't file!
Good for you Kay - one month
Good for you Kay - one month is reasonable. If you give him more than this, you are letting yourself in for a heap of trouble. He has told you one MAJOR lie at the start of your living together - I would also tell him that if you ever catch him in another whopper like that, you (or he) are out of there.
Good luck and let us know how it works out.
Start looking for a roommate
Start looking for a roommate just in case. Could that be an option if he doesn't file in a month? Is his name on the lease? I'd hate you to ruin your credit for this guy. But then again I'd hate you to end up with this guy.
Good for you Kay2, I would
Good for you Kay2, I would feel betrayed too. He has not been honest with you and I think this probably stands to be the case in other areas of his life. People who are not up-front like this aren't up-front about alot of things and I foresee as a continued problem as long as you are with him.
Well said Crayon! Esp. that
Well said Crayon! Esp. that last statement--"And believe me you'll see his temper because he'll be too afraid to take his temper out on the BM or his precious spawn!!"
He obviously is not a man and
He obviously is not a man and thats why he cant file let alone tell you that... he knows you would'nt of moved in with him if he had told you the truth. You need to think about your relationship if he lied about this what else has he lied about also if your relationship will always be controlled by his BM because he cant man up to her!!! Good luck chica