I just want you to know that you are not alone in these feelings. And please don't beat yourself up for them like I do. The women and men on here will be able to give you some good advice.

I agree with Smonster, don't beat yourself up. Step situations are very difficult. And food for thought, I'd bet if you had a set schedule that bf and bm adhered to instead of a schedule that changes last minute and ruins your idea of your weekend, you'd feel better about it. Basically, you're being told that you can't expect time alone or expect time without the kids because on any given day someone might change there mind. That isn't fair to you. You are not a bad person for being upset. I don't think it is jealousy so much as resentment that you feel you have free weekends or free days with your bf and he takes it away from you whenever he feels like it "for the sake of the kids". He should respect your time and his commitment to spend that time with you. That would go a long way to making you feel that you matter too.

"That's how women are, aren't they? We want to know that others have been where we've been, who understand our fragile places, and who see our sunsets in the same shades of blue" - Beth Moore

I know how you feel! I feel the same way every other week when we have my SD, she's 14 and a major pain in the ass! I do have 2 kids of my own one which we have full time and the other EOW like my SD. When his kid is with her BM and mine is with BD we can spend time together and I can trust my oldest to stay home alone when we go to dinner or she goes to a friends for a night. SD on the other hand we can't leave alone for 5 min. I do sometimes (more often than not) wish his kid would go away. I also knew he had a child and how involved in her life he is but we can't help falling in love right. My best advice to you is try to bond with these girls cause odds are they aren't going away, and they could potentially make your life miserable if you all don't get along, take it from me my SD and I don't get along much and I wish we did cause she is gonna be around for another 4 years (yikes) when she turns 18. I hope things get better for you. Do you and his girls get along?

~I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?~

I agree with the other posts you are being way to hard on yourself. I love my 2 girls (step) and I regrudge them nothing through the pain there mother has put us through the extra money we pay and extra clothes as far as I am concerned its fine and I love them. HOWEVER the time me my partner and our son have alone is a time I love and look forward to as I said I would do anything for my girls but the time that is my time is MY time and I dont feel guilty for it and neither should you.

Well, I am going to rephrase this -- I don't think you're actually jealous, per se. If you get along with the kids and most times you're fine with them, its not so much that.

I think what it is, more, is that you feel frustrated when your life and your routines get disrupted and you aren't consulted about it. And that's normal, after all. When your fiancé makes plans and tells you what he PLANS to do or what he has decided to do, without considering that it affects you, too, then he is not treating you like a spouse. He is treating you like an afterthought.

Stepparents get this a lot -- our lives and routines, and the fact that the home is OUR space, too, gets completely ignored. And when we speak up, to remind our spouses of this, we often get "But think of the children!!!" as the response. The problem with that is, "children" is the magic, sacred code word: it's the trump card. Anyone who dares to continue to say that they have needs and desires once someone has said the magic word is a MONSTER. An evil stepmonster.

Stepparents are expected to just not have needs or feelings whenever someone else wants something. But EVERYONE has needs. And when your needs aren't getting met, you get resentful.

I suggest that you sit down and calmly tell your fiancé that you will work with him to find ways for him to not miss his during-the-week visits with his daughters. But in exchange, he will work to not eat into your weekends together. AND he will remember to always consult with you about changes that affect you. Point out to him how these things affect you -- he probably doesn't see that the home you live in is 50% yours, and the couple is comprised of 50% you. Any decision involving the home involves you, too (remember that stepparents' needs are invisible).

If he doesn't see it or understand it, there are plenty of websites, articles, and books to show him.

Don't beat yourself up. And don't think of yourself as jealous of the kids. You're not. You're irritated because you're being expected to not want to have a life outside of your husband's parenting responsibilities.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

DSP~
I am going through something very similar and have found everyone here very helpful and made me realize I am not alone or the first to have these feelings. I just posted on my blog about something similar last night and the ladies who replied were wonderfully helpful. Stick around, read other blogs/posts and you'll learn a lot and find a lot of support.

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... why would you feel worthless and weak? You gave everything, your entire heart.. giving it to him. To truly give your heart, your trust, is taking the bravest of all risks--C.Young