PLEASE! need advice in battle w/BioMom -- college
here is the situation...SS18 is a slacker, barely C-level student, last semester a few Fs and Ds!!!
BM diagnosed him ADHD 4y ago so she could blame her failure in raising him to ADHD. He was sent out of state to the middle of nowhere living with counselors in senior year HS. Graduating now in May and accepted to a few crappy state Uiversiites in Idaho.
BM doesn't want him bc CS stops. She argues/pretends to want him to have the best education possible blablabla but doesn't pay a penny for college. The college fund from before divorce will provide for 2ys college (There are 2 more kids to follow)
Fortunately, my partner has a very healthy distance to all 4 kids (one away to college doing soso). He just want to get over with his CS responsibilities and gave up having a relationship with any of them in the past 2 years. But this is bc the kids CHOSE not to have a close relationship. They live close by but never call, not even on his Bday. the visitation completely stopped(which I don't mind). So the dad-kid relationship is reduced to formal timed dinner-meetings to avoid BM asking reimbursement for missed custody time.
We both discussed a lot about his kids/college funding, our future, sometimes stressful but mostly on good terms and unbiased from a stepmom's perspective. We both agree that his kids are not exactly something he is proud of and are counting the days until there are no ties left. The rest is up to them thereafter.
He would pay for part of college if BM helps financially too. But she refuses and guild-trips him. He would never take any of his kid to live with him, not now and not in future.
last night he suggested to send the slacker son for one year college expecting his grade to suck and then let him drop out so he can save the rest of his college fund to pass down to the next kid.
what is the best option? not paying at all bc legally he is not required (he pays full for one kid already)? if not going to college how to avoid him coming home to BM and asking for continued CS?
how to explain to other 2kids that BM refuses to pay and that's why the younger only have funds for a year college?
THANK YOU!!!!
I would simply say, "I am
I would simply say, "I am willing to match whatever your mother contributes." Puts the ball in her court.
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
hey....that's a terrific
hey....that's a terrific response!!!!! will pass it to my partner right away...we are always looking for effective arguments! THX
mmmmmmmmhhhhmmmmmmmmm! I
mmmmmmmmhhhhmmmmmmmmm! I second Cruella's suggestion. Even if I had the money, I would hesitate dropping a large amount on education for a D and F student. Unless he is just SUPER SUPER motivated all of the sudden!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
I agree with BB, both
I agree with BB, both parents should contribute equally to college expenses. But SS should also have some responsibility to put himself through college. A person who works for their college education will take it more seriously than someone who has it paid for them.
If SS is not college material, you could also look into vocational or trade school as an alternative to college. My BFF's brother went to an out-of-state mechanic school for 2 years and now has a stable and good-paying job.
Yes, I agree the son should
Yes, I agree the son should pay for part or even most of it himself. However, since in this situation the BM is trying to get out of contributing and wants the biodad to do it all, this stance makes BM have to pony up FIRST -- which probably won't happen, or at least not very much -- and then biodad has a natural limit on how much he can contribute. And that limit is BM's greed.
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
yes, we do take all option
yes, we do take all option into consideration but the question is...vocational schools are pricy too, time duration/ costs are similar....so wouldn't a college degree open up more job opportunities?
the ultimate goal is to be freed from the stepkids :)....and that only happens if they have a income to live from
I feel sooooo sorry for you!
I feel sooooo sorry for you! Sadly and if you don't mind, the fact that your situation is much much worse gives me some comfort. Unless you live in a state that does legally require the dad to pay for college....why in the world is he paying incessantly ?????
what happened when he cut the kid off??? did she go under the bridge?-LOL
We have cut all 5 kids off,
We have cut all 5 kids off, 2 step 3 bio, because of sucky grades, no plans, lazy ass, non-working, gimme gimme gimme, "lets pick the money tree dead" God the laws need to change. In TX you pay child support until the child graduates or is 18......younger stepdtr, total loooooser, repeated 9th grade for the 3rd time then dropped outta school. Praise the Lord, we were done. BM's need to keep their tounges in check, and keep outta our checkbooks
but then explain to me
but then explain to me please how do those kids manage to live????
My husbands ex took him to
My husbands ex took him to court for college expenses for 2 kids... But because my SD moved back in with her mother when she turned 18 the court order only applies as of now to the SS... My SS loves me and is a great kid despite all that the BM tries to do to ruin my relationship with him.. I love him to pieces...4.0 grade point and is a sophomore in a great college... DH ex had her lawyer argue in court that DH should pay for both kids... The judges reply... No judge in this state would order a father making what DH makes to pay for 2 kids to go to college... That because, at least in our state if the ex works and makes little money that child is entitled to grants..Which we did not know... THANK GOD, the judge also said both kids are required to take out the Stafford Student loans if they want to go to college.. So basically as when BM did not want to pay cs to DH when SS still had one year of HS left.. She said I have one now and you have one, that is my attitude towards helping SD. as she has taken 3 years full time in JR college and will go to a four year college in August... If we were wealthy I don't think I would mind as much but as we are not I won't help pay for SD.. As BM doesn't have to help with anything regarding college for either one. I am sooo sorry for you if you live in IL you might get the same results in court.. I don't know what I would say to the other kids, but really what do parents that never get divorced say.. I'm sorry we can't afford to pay for college.. take out student loans and if we can help we will... But for divorced parents much different story... UGH Sorry I had to add another comment... Even if we had the money... their grades, would be a big factor in what we paid.. Also the classes, would have to pertain to what they wanted to become... no more dance or modern art or anything else that doesn't pertain to their future careers.
Wow...if this is what i'm in
Wow...if this is what i'm in for, then I might as well give up now. F-that. That child should go to CC and get his own loans.