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Posting the link to this one: Stepmothers on Strike: How Can Doing Less Save Your Marriage?

ldvilen's picture

Submitted by ldvilen on Thu, 04/19/2018 - 1:41pm

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Posting the link to: Stepmothers on Strike: How Can Doing Less Save Your Marriage?  Women with stepkids think doing more is the answer. Why they're wrong.  Stepmothers on Strike: Why Women with Stepchildren Should Refuse to be Unpaid Housekeepers, Nannies, Chefs, Homework Tutors and Drivers Right Now.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stepmonster/201102/stepmothers-s...

Love this paragraph: "From one fixer to another, let me give you some advice. . .: Your husband should get a maid. And a nanny. He should leave you the hell out of that stuff, and you should leave yourself out of it as well. Because, the research shows us, you have enough problems already--role ambiguity, a greater likelihood of resentful, hostile and rejecting stepkinder than a man would face, and a gender-specific sense that you must make the kids love you at all costs, love them back, and "blend everyone" into a "real family."

Don't know if this has been posted before, but thought I'd pass it along.  Best to everyone!

"Call it disengaging. Call it stepping back. Or call it realizing when it's time to stop setting yourself up."  Hmm, if we still had taglines, I'd be switching the ol' one out to this for sure.

skatermom's picture

Submitted by skatermom on Thu, 04/19/2018 - 4:43pm

This is 100% true.  Do less, way less. Your DH will appreciate you more and the kids won't be able to blame you for things and throw you under the bus if you are simply uninvolved.  Tonight my BDs are at their dads and my SDs are at home with my DH.  Guess where I will be? Not there, going out with some friends after work for happy hour!

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Thu, 04/19/2018 - 8:14pm

"Who did all this stuff before you came on the scene? Your husband's sister? Your husband himself? Some nice lady without another job? Fine, they can get right back to it."

Beautiful article! Love the above quote. It's good to remember that our spouse did just fine and somehow managed his relationship w/skids before we came along.  

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Sat, 09/15/2018 - 2:37am

i love wednesday martin and have her book.  a lot of wisdom from a person whos been there.  i was there too.  i was the laundress cook maid and grocery shopper.  all of the work and none of the authority in my own house.  because dh did not have a pair nor was his growing any in sight i had to empower myself in my own way.  i felt much better after not allowing myself to be the door mat.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/joel-schwartzberg/what-remarried-dads-owe...

 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 09/15/2018 - 10:04pm

This is a great one too.  One every SM and Dad need to read and sign along with the other article- pre-nuptials.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 09/15/2018 - 9:52pm

Here is the money shot IMHO.

“He put you into the nanny/housekeeper slot. Rather than the lover/partner/wife/prized companion to be loved and cherished and lavished with attention slot.”  

And most irritating to me..... YOU LET HIM AND CONTINUE TO TOLERATE IT!!!

Whew, I feel better.

Great article.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 09/15/2018 - 9:57pm

I just read the article to my wife.  

Her comment:

“We are women.  Our role is to nurture.  Unfortunately we are not allowed to eat them”

OMG how I love this woman.

Now I am manterpated.