Sad results from CS Hearing
Today was the support conference and it went poorly. Though we have had the kids over 50% of the last year, they only looked at our journal from the last three months. The first of those three months were unusual since we were out of town and then BM refused to let us have the kids when we got back. So our ratio dropped from the usual 50.1% to 37.9%. Somehow, that means she gets over 30% of my SO's net income...
She even called and apologized because she said "I didn't think it would be that much", but then went on to tell us that the kids don't even like to come to our home and that we should be bothered by that. Well, they are both 3 years old and we don't spoil them the way their BM does. (Honestly, I think it's disgusting the way she showers them with stuff. It's like she's trying to buy their love one toy at a time...) The kids are never unhappy when they're here, but now she's telling us how much they moan and groan before heading out to "Papa's House". She also seems to think that when she marries next month, her new husband will somehow magically be the children's legal guardian.
So sad. We are in a very sad, sad home today. And next up is the custody battle. So very, very sad...
We are also dealing with CS
We are also dealing with CS issues. My fiance has been divorced for 7 years now but only separated from his children for two. We live on complete opposite sides of the country but he visits his children on holidays when he is allowed to take leave from work. He only gets to see them a few weeks out of the year because that is all his job permits. We got a letter in the mail a few weeks ago about being appointed a lawyer because the BM wants more child support. She has no job, is moving in with another man (while still married to another one), and lived with her mom this whole time. I think it is fair that the child support be upped because he doesn't see them as much as he used to, but she wants a ridiculous amount of money that he cannot come up with. And she thinks that because he has me paying half the bills that he should be able to have enough. But she knows nothing about what I pay for or how much I make. Lucky for you the children are only 3 years old. I am sure they are not moaning and groaning about visiting. My baby brother turns 3 this year and he is happy anywhere, even without toys, as long as there is something around to entertain him. BMs are PSYCHO so don't trust her. And you don't have to spoil the children, just spend an adequate amount of time.
Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if we had full custody, but I don't want the BM to get to have the time of her life and not pay any child support to us, while we take on the responsibility of full time parents.
Our husbands are idiots. (And
Our husbands are idiots. (And especially for marrying/spawning with the BMs.) And they were definitely tears of joy. It was no suprise for her, her lawyer knew exactly what he was doing. We are still in court so our next action if she continues to try to take his whole paycheck, let the courts know that one of the children is not even biologically his. She should have just kept quiet and been happy with what she was getting, but now she will only be getting support for one child. She is such a piece of shit! And I am sorry my DH ever met her and that she was already pregnant by some other man and tricked my DH into marrying her.
And now she wants DH to sit
And now she wants DH to sit down with her and have a cup of coffee while they discuss arrangements for custody so they don't have to go to court. I am pleased that he wants to consult with his lawyer first but... is it just me or does this seem fishy?
Also, she's a serial texter. I'm tired of hearing dozens of texts within an hour. Today is a sad day. Can't she just leave us alone for one night??
You can't make her stop
You can't make her stop texting, but you can either ignore them or just turn off the phone. Don't let her control your evening.
What makes it even more
What makes it even more frustrating is that she makes twice what DH does, we have them (most months) 50% of the time, and we have to pay her! She claims her student loans are tearing her apart and it would be in the kids' best interest if she were to pay them off immediately. (Incidentally, she's started looking for jobs on the other side of the country, too.)
She's horrible. Just horrible. We have much work that needs to be done on our home and we've been trying to save up to get started. (We have a small home we got as a slight fixer-upper... Helped keep the purchase price down and we can do the work ourselves. DH left the house that BM got in their divorce -- she's also complaining about that, too.). With 30% of the income going to her and the cost of child care, we won't be able to finish the repairs. She's trying to use that against us in custody, too.
Is it wrong to just want to cry at this whole thing? I feel like we have been stripped of nearly everything,
If that's the way BM is
If that's the way BM is thinking and talking, then I think she is going down the path of alienation. I would start reading "divorce poison " by richard warshak. Start documenting everything.
That phone call was not an apology but a passive aggressive move on her part to start working on the kids. She's gloating about her "victory", if I were you guys I would let her win the battle but not the war.
I know you're hurting and feel completely defeated, but it's going to hurt more when Dh loses them psychologically and physically to her.
Hang in there
I appreciate the
I appreciate the encouragement. We are scared we're losing the kids. After talking with him last night, he agreed that there's no way he'll meet her without our attorney. We are also scared of what this is going to do to us financially. Between CS and child care, half of our income is gone. We have enough to cover the mortgage and utilities, but food and living expenses are keeping us up. We still have the kids 50% of the time... I'm pleased we will still get to spend time with them, but now I'm worried about how we will feed them. The custody battle is what is putting me on pins and needles. Losing the kids, losing our ability to support ourselves, and I feel like I have to be the stable anchor in the fray...
Can you confirm that a stepparent is not a legal guardian unless specifically granted in court? BM seems to think that once she marries, her new husband will be counted as overnights for her and we won't have the right to get the kids when she's on one of her many 24 hour call shifts. I was under the impression that marriage doesn't grant one that right unless a parent relinquishes their legal right so that another could..
And now she won't let us have
And now she won't let us have the kids at all for the rest of the week because we won't meet her without our attorney present. She says the only reason we want the kids is as a discount on child support later. Does it ever stop?
I don't think it ever stops.
I don't think it ever stops. We met with our attorney yesterday. We are in for an uphill battle too. My SO hasn't kept a journal at all. He has had verbal agreements with his ex and I kept telling him to document everything. Phone calls, visits, emails etc. But he didn't Now we are in a pickle. And she just wants more and more and more. Our attorney told us we are looking at months at getting anything resolved with her and the CS and her neglect to get us the kids on OUR scheduled time. We were very sad last night too. I honestly think that the men who don't pay and don't want their kids are making all the men who do step up pay for their BS. The courts just don't aknowledge that there ARE good fathers out there who WANT to be with their kids and want to help.
We will be going into the rears with CS. And he has never had that happen before. The ex tells the kids he doesn't care or he would fork over more money. Just sad to me.
in 2004 we started keeping
in 2004 we started keeping copies of checks, emails, vocal messages...we've got all kinds on this GARBAGEBM....and she doesnt even know about it...
and if one day we ever need to take them out, oh boy will it be a pleasure!
we have her calling DH an asshole, fuckin idiot, that he has no rights on his daughter, that she only wants cash and no checks...
and one where she leaves a nice long message with a sexy voice and a spanish love song in the background, when the refrain came she stopped speaking and put the phone near the radio!!!
No too long ago, she texted him that forbids him from calling or texting his daughter cause shes the one that pays for the service...mmhhh
Keep everything!!!!!!!!