SD grounded - DH refuses to tell me why??
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Last night SD14 got in trouble and DH refuses to talk or tell me……I only get – she stole from me. Every single time princess is good – he takes the cake! When she’s bad I notice he treats me bad; but this time he chose not to even talk to me about it. What? I can raise her (she’s lived with us for 2years) but you can’t talk to me about it. It’s like he thinks I’m going to be like…….hahahahha or something; (ya, inside maybe!!! LOL)
The worst part is she came out of her room one time last night; charged up to daddy and said “You’re still driving me to school……right” and he said YES!!!!
Is this weird or is it me??
I hate secrets! I hate when
I hate secrets! I hate when they have this unspoken language between them. I hate when there's whispering in my household. Hate it! Hate it! Hate it! Did I tell you I hate it? LOL
DH does the same thing here.
DH does the same thing here. When I ask why SS is in trouble, I rarely get a full answer but he is really quick to tell me over and over again when my DD gets in trouble, what she did, how long she is grounded and basically how annoyed he is with her.
I got that attitude a couple
I got that attitude a couple of times in the beginning, the: "their my kids and it's my business." So, when they needed things next from me my response was, "their your kids and it's not my business." Message received. We're now in lockstep and he gets it. Thank goodness my SO is quick learner.
Oh no…this would not fly. I
Oh no…this would not fly. I would tell him that you have no intention of stepping in to discipline or give advice, but it is still your home and you NEED to know what is going on?
My guess Whatever it is, he's
My guess
Whatever it is, he's embarrassed and it sounds like you knew about her bad behavior. He had defended her in the past and now he sees you were right.
That's why he's not telling you. He's worried about the 'I told you so' that he probably deserves.
Now he's cranky with you because you knew she wasn't the widdle wovely princess that he thought she was, and you already knew it.
I agree. Once DH refused to
I agree. Once DH refused to tell me why SS was being punished. I wasn't home at the time and when I returned, I saw traces of baby powder all over. I asked what happened and when DH was NOT paying attention, SS took DS powder and covered the entire first floor and stairs with it.
You got it alwaysanxious!!
You got it alwaysanxious!! He always defends her and sticks up for her (I do not set out to catch her or proove I am right; this happens on it's own) We have fought over me "just knowing or feeling" something was wrong with SD and come to find out I was right all along; he had to swallow a lot about what kind of person she really was.......he said it felt like he got egg in his face! Then she started being daddy's princess again and he let his guard down. I tried to tell him not to do that; that she (ALL KIDS) knows this and this is the time she is going to try stuff again. But I was the bad guy yet again; but oddly enough...........who is grounded!!!
I can just never win. I think having secrests puts a huge divider in MY house; it's alomost like telling SD....."don't worry daddy will keep your secrets" it's rude!!
Been there. SD's hang
Been there.
SD's hang themselves eventually. You don't even have to hand them rope.
I get those feelings too, i back off. SO thinks I'm being mean or picking on her. However, I don't say word, I just disengage from her. When truth comes to light, I say "and that's why I backed off. I knew something was going on"
I would think of this less as a secret and more of a "hbell is just staying out of the bullshit"
The last "talk" that SD needed to have with SO is still unknown to me. I can take a guess, but I have no idea because he just said "oh same stuff she always talks about"
I just let it go. At the end of the day, my energy is better spent on ANYTHING else.
Thank YOU!! I feel
Thank YOU!! I feel better........LOL
I do have to add - my favorite things are the letters she writes about wanting to "change & be trusted" and yadda yadd blah blah!!
and he keeps them all!! Whatever...............
I would just hand them back to her and say "save this B.S. - Proove it!!" But then again who am I? just a big mean SM
All you can do is laugh
All you can do is laugh inside. Nod and smile when DH tells you about it. That's what I do.
SD will say "I am going to do good in school this year" "I'm going to watch my grades" She acts like she wants to go to college. In the end, she's too lazy. They learn the minimum effort needed to keep daddy's eyes sparkling and the wallet open.
We get this from SD17 all the
We get this from SD17 all the time - "You don't trust me," etc. Damn straight! Trust is earned, and she hasn't done jack to earn it.
I have talked to my dh about
I have talked to my dh about just this issue a few weeks ago. He's never blatantly refused to tell me anything but he does just "forget" to mention certain things and he hardly EVER vents about ss13. I have no problem expressing when one of my kids is annoying me, disappointing me, making me angry, etc-but dh will never do any venting about ss-which had led me to believe that he really just minimized all ss did and it didnt bother him. He finally admitted to me that it was a "pride" thing-he doesnt like to admit how upset he is with ss or how ss has failed and how dh himself has failed as a parent. I told him if he communicated to me it would make it soooo much easier for me to be understanding. He has actually started to over the last couple of weeks-just little 5 or 10 minute bursts of conversation regarding ss and the inlaw situation at what seems like the strangest times. I am trying hard just to listen and be emphathetic and not trying to tell him anything he needs to do.
yep, this is hard. "I am
yep, this is hard.
"I am trying hard just to listen and be emphathetic and not trying to tell him anything he needs to do."
I just repeat phrases like "that must have been so disappointing for you. That must be difficult for you"
One difficulty with the venting is that SO will say a bunch of things, then go right back to the same old interaction with SD. Instead of sticking to what he told me he thought he should do. Weak.
Mine used to do the same
Mine used to do the same years ago...now? I don't care because I too told him the same thing years ago..."your kid, good, you take care of it...see ya, going out with my friends...see ya, going to get my nails done....hey! time for you to wake up and make breakfast for YOUR kid, I'm still sleepy..."
My DH couldn't believe how
My DH couldn't believe how well I knew sd21, she was that lazy with her lies ,if caught she would be good and Daddy's little girl for awhile and then straight back to her lies and awful behaviour.....punishments would mean she would just " suffer" more and moan about being misunderstood, victimised, and of course, she did eventually memail DH with the classic.....Sweetnothings hates me, I don't want to deal with her anymore, she doesn't have MY interests at heart....she HATES meeeee !! DH luckily saw all through that , though we still have difficulties when she pushes his guilty Dad buttons...... I cannot believe a grown intelligent ( sd is academically ) woman, can act like this......and expect the things she does......