SD starting school this year.. Issues with where she will go to school
SD5 is starting Kindergarten this year and DH and BM cannot agree on where she will go to school. They have 50/50 custody- we have her week on, week off. I personally think this arrangement is extremely unstable for a kid, especially once the kid starts school. SD really doesn’t have a home anywhere- DH says no, our home is her home- but really she is just a visitor wherever she goes. She’s always coming and going. When we get her back from BM, it takes her several days to adjust and by the time she does, it’s back to BM’s house again. It’s really sad.
Anyway, we only live about 30 mins from BM but we are in a different school district. Neither DH nor BM want to be the one who has to drive SD to school on their weeks. Currently, DH drops SD off with his mom before he goes to work in the morning.
The options are: 1. SD go to school in BM’s school district and DH have to drive SD to school on his weeks, 2. SD go to school in our school district and BM have to drive SD to school on her weeks (this is not going to happen- BM is a lazy bum and will never get SD to school on time, I already know), or 3. SD go to school in MIL’s school district so DH can continue dropping her off with his mom in the morning on his way to work- also, MIL lives in between us and BM so it is closer for both us and BM.
Has anyone else had issues when the skids started school and how did you handle it?? Thanks!
We don't currently have this
We don't currently have this issue.
My brother had a similar problem though. It was only solved by going back to court and having the visitation schedule changed. Otherwise, it becomes a race to see who can register the kid first; or who has the "week on" on the first day of school.
It's a mess. But at least they're talking about it now ...
Thanks guys. DH is normally
Thanks guys.
DH is normally a pushover with anything SD-related, but he has to be at work at 7am, sometimes earlier, so he really isn't able to drive to BM's school district every morning with SD. Even if he drove her down there, I don't even think he would be able to drop her off that early.
I guess if they take it to court and it's decided SD will go to BM's district, he won't have a choice, but I know he won't do it voluntarily.
I am pretty sure their CO states joint everything but I am not 100% sure, I would have to check with DH.
What a mess!
That's a good point. I know
That's a good point. I know the schools in BM's district are supposed to be better. I just don't know how DH would get SD down there every morning. I feel like BM should bring SD up because she doesn't work & has nothing better to do, BUT the chances of her actually getting SD to school on time are slim to none. I have a feeling this may end up in court.
A friend of mine has his
A friend of mine has his daughter 50/50. She attends a school near her mother - her dad has to come from a nearby town (across a river) to bring her to school and then go back to that town to work. Which he does not mind at all.
But the BM who lives right next to the school delivers her late about 3 days out of 5. The daughter is getting really upset with her mother's sloth.
We have this issue with SS13
We have this issue with SS13 and SS8. They go to school in our district, and BM chose to move a half hour away. Therefore, she needs to drive the skids to school on her weeks. This has been a huge issue since she can't seem to get them there regularly. Her car breaks down, she has no gas money, it might snow, yadda yadda. They've both been absent 10 days so far this year. The school sent her a notice saying there would be consequences if they continue with the frequent absences, and magically the car hasn't broken down once! It's been a big problem though.
IMHO, kids who have parents in different school districts should live primarily with one or the other parent. It's too hard otherwise. I think split custody sucks anyway.
I completely agree, I think
I completely agree, I think 50/50 is extremely unstable, especially once they start school. I have been talking to DH about getting a custody modification so SD doesn't have to continue bouncing back and forth when she is in school, but he basically shuts me down every time. He doesn't want to give up his time with SD. I honestly don't think BM cares as much about her time with SD, but she would never agree to DH keeping her because then she would have to pay child support.
I don't think either of us are going to be moving. DH and I have a lease on our house (we rent), plus we both work only 5 minutes from home now, and BM can't move on her own because she doesn't work (she lives with her third baby daddy's mom while the guy is in jail lol- long story).
Sigh*
When DH and BM went back to
When DH and BM went back to court (fighting over full custody for a lot of reasons), SS just happened to be school age. Both wanted full custody. BM wanted it for the child support and to be able to control and gloat, DH wanted it because BM is a bitch and because his Mom has practically raised SS. The judge ruled 50/50 to stay in effect but that SS go to school where BM lives with DH picking him up from school on Friday and keeping him thru Monday morning where he would then drive SS an hr and a half on a Monday morning before school starts at 8:20 and this kid is in Kindergarten. Then he would stay with BM Mon eve-Fri equaling one more night per week in BM's home and child support paid to her to cover school expenses of 100 a month then summers going back to week to week. The court system fails like this all the time. 50/50 for school age kids is a nightmare. Judges say they are so concerned about what is "in the best interest of the child" but then turn around and then do the stupidest things that have proven time and time again not to work. When the kids are in school, they need to live with one parent Sun eve - Fri after school. This means they are seeing one less, but life isn't fair and that is the way it is.
Thanks for all the responses!
Thanks for all the responses! I feel like both DH and BM aren’t really thinking about SD’s best interests at all. Neither one of them want to give up custody for one reason or another. They are thinking about their own selfish wants and not about the stability of the child. Sadly, even if this ends up in court, I have a feeling the judge will say keep the 50/50 and just tell them what school to send her to smh
Keep in mind that 50/50 (or
Keep in mind that 50/50 (or close to it) can be achieved in other ways too.
BM and DH have joint custody, but skids live with BM primarily during school years (when she's local - this whole scenario is different now that she lives out state).
DH gets every weekend, all summer, Spring Break, 4 holiday weekends per year, and they alternate Christmas and Thanksgiving breaks. Some may not find this ideal since DH gets all the "fun" times, but it worked out for our situation. I'm sure there are other modifications you could do to make it work. It may not be exactly 50/50, but 60/40 is easy enough to get to with an alternate schedule.
That is what it came down to
That is what it came down to in our situation. No one could agree so the Judge, not really wanting to step on toes or be a bitch just said 50/50 still in effect but he goes to school in mom's town and DH gets him for the "fun times" like the other poster said, weekends, a week at a time in the summer, school breaks, and DH pays 100 a mnth to cover his half of any school expenses.
Absolutely agree with you on
Absolutely agree with you on the fifty fifty arrangement. You hit the nail on the head saying the kid has no home. Daddy has his head in the sand. The sooner the family court systems realize this method of splitting the baby isn't working the better off the kids will be.