Sick of competing with an 11 year old mini wife!!!!!!!!!
First, for anyone who read my last post...while I haven't fully decided what to do yet, I HAVE scheduled an appointment with a counselor to at least sort all this out and decide. To be fair, in my last post, I hadn't considered that I kind of was being spiteful and hateful to DH--so while he shouldn't have called me names, I should have talked to him better. Not making excuses for him; just trying to be fair.
Now, I just want to rant.
I'm sick and tired of SD11 acting like she is my equal! She is a damn kid, she is NOT his wife, I am.
Every year, for Christmas, I buy DH a gift, and I give some money to SD11 so she can pick out something for him. Well, for the last few months I've been secretly putting away money to buy DH a tablet. Mind you, we've been so broke in recent years that the last few CHristmases, all I've been able to buy him has been maybe a $20 gift. This year I really wanted to do something special for him.
Anyways, SD11 saw me buying it and said, "I can't wait to give that to daddy!" I told her, "Hon, this is from me. The $40 I gave you is to pick out something from you to him." She threw a fit right in the middle of the mall and screamed "THAT"S NOT FAIR!!! YOU ARE GIVING HIM SOMETHING WAY NICER AND I WANT TO GIVE THAT TO HIM! MAKE IT FROM YOU AND FROM ME!" I pulled her aside and told her that I was an adult and she would NOT tell me what I could and could not do. She said she was equal to me and she had the right to make the decision. I told her "really? You married your dad like I did? You go to work and earn money like I do and like he does? That's right princess, you ARE equal to me, and I should bow down to such royalty." I was out of line for that, but I was fed up.
Is it REALLY that selfish of me, as his wife, to want to give him a special gift just from me without slapping the damn kid's name on it when she's already got money to buy a present for him?
Ten bucks says she'll tell
Ten bucks says she'll tell daddy what you're getting him in retaliation. Young girls can be spiteful little monsters :O
Well SOMEBODY has convinced
Well SOMEBODY has convinced little princess that she is equal, otherwise she'd have never had the BALLS to say that!
Maybe point out to DH- Would he allow his daughter to speak to his fathers best friend that way? What about his brother? Or his Boss's wife? Maybe then he'll get it that he would DIE if she spoke to another adult that way, but he expects you to roll over and take the attitude with a smile. This is the ONLY way I can get my DH to stop defending his kids outrageous behavior away.
I have to seriously,
I have to seriously, seriously vent. Little Princess for the last 10 minutes has been freaking yelling at me saying all of the following:
"You don't listen to ANYTHING I say! All you want to do is tell ME what to do and THAT'S NOT FAIR!!" (I told her life ain't fair, either, but she'd better learn to listen to adults if she wanted to get anywhere in life. Also told her how she doesn't get to make the rules.)
"I should be equal to you and daddy!" (Sorry, princess, you aren't. You are an 11 year old child.)
"I'll NEVER get a say in ANYTHING!! When you married my daddy two years ago you didn't even let me help spend the wedding money!" (guess what, princess? The wedding was between your daaaaaddy and me, and you! I didn't marry you! The money wasn't yours to spend!)
I am so sick and tired of her crap!!! And I'm tired of her dad and her grandmother always telling me that I'm the one out of line for putting her in her place!
She's a spoiled, entitled little princess! I wish I could make her wear a damn tiara with a shirt that says "Bow down to me! I act like a lil princess to adults because I don't like to follow rules!"
UGHGHGHGHGKJFHDFhfdsaflkjhfal
***meant to say "wedding was
***meant to say "wedding was betweehn your daaaaady and me, not you!" not "and you"
Yes she probably will tell
Yes she probably will tell him what you got her out of spite - I know my ss done things like that. But I agree, she is getting the impression or the message that she is your equal from somewhere. She doesn't pretend to be the equal to her teacher does she? Until her dad sets her straight and ensures that you and makes things right with you and has some type of consequence for this behavior, it seems like it may just continue. But good for you for handling the situation right there and then without letting any child walk all over you like a doormat.
Good luck
I dont fault you for what you
I dont fault you for what you said. If anything, I think her dad needs to start saying these things (and grandma). To top it off, he should've said that long ago.
Hopefully, someday she will know that the best gifts she can give her dad are being a good person and letting him be there for her in good times and bad. Doing those things would hopefully mean the world to him. And also that her picking out a nice gift for him that he'd like would mean the world to him. I doubt he'd be comparing the gifts and saying to himself (or anyone) "this one is better than that one." He'd likely just appreciate that someone put so much thought into getting him some nice things.
Hopefully she will figure this all out.
^^^^Good advice. Stop
^^^^Good advice. Stop attempting to reason with her. My jaw literally dropped while reading the things she has the audacity to say to you, especially after giving her money to spend. Is never taking her shopping with you an option? No way I could handle going out in public with a brat like that knowing she is going to have a meltdown when she can't get her away. In this situation, I would intentionally schedule all outings when she can stay with her father.
Oh no she didn't! Haha This
Oh no she didn't! Haha This is when I stepped back- no more mall, no more perks for her, she can do chores for extra money- if she loves her dad- Prove It! My SD6 did that for years, now I let them get as much time together as possible, while I GO to the mall or meet my GFs for a drink. Not your problem. She really does have issues and resentment- trust me in this one: BM or in laws are fueling this one!
Didn't this little girl's mom
Didn't this little girl's mom recently die?
IMHO so what if she puts her name on the tablet? This is her first Christmas without her mother!
You could have hugged her and said sure it can be from both of us and the 2 of you could pick out a gift from you both with the $40 you gave her. I'm pretty sure your dh will know who paid.
If your not her equal, prove it.
Hmmmm, I don't freaking think
Hmmmm, I don't freaking think so. Why in the world would anyone do that? So the lil brat can one day smack the SM across the face when she doens't get her way?
Kudos to the OP for shutting her twirp ass down.
I must be missing something!
I must be missing something! This is an 11 year old girl who lost her mother in October, the OP is making sure she knows her place on the totem pole and everyone is cheering her on? Spray her with cold water, lil brat, twerp ass?
This is disgusting. Sorry but the thoughtfulness of the gift is lost when you are fighting with your 11-year-old SD because you don't want her getting any of your credit.
This little girl has more reason to be upset than you.
The holidays sure bring out the best in people!
Really? Seriously? This is
Really? Seriously? This is NOT disgusting. She threw a huge toddler-style temper tantrum and SCREAMED at me in the middle of the damn mall with people watching her, and YOU think I should make this okay?
Had she NICELY asked if it could have been from both of us, that would have been one thing. But she didn't. And sorry, but an 11 year old DOES NEED TO KNOW what place she is on the totem pole. She is an important member of the family, but she is a child and does NOT make the rules and does NOT get to decide what I do.
$40 is a lot of money to give a kid to buy a gift for a parent. Well, in our family it is. I usually am only able to give her maybe $15 or $20. All of us have had a hard year, but we had a little more money than usual and I wanted to make it special so I let SD have more to spend on her dad; and I am buying him something more than I usually do; and before you go acting like I'm the evil one, guess what? I bought her a 3DS for Christmas and two games--spent $200. The most she's ever gotten for Christmas is a gift of about $50. I do care about her, but she's been a real pain in the butt lately over minor things.
Do not judge me. This is supposed to be a forum for us to be able to vent, without judgement.
You are right. I am sorry for
You are right. I am sorry for judging you. I lost a close family member to prescription drug abuse recently and my heart is breaking for her 2 daughters. My reaction and comments were more about that than your situation so I am sorry
I guess y'all believe in
I guess y'all believe in sparing the rod and spoiling the child. While I don't condone child abuse, that little girl needs to be popped. I wish one of my step kids would get mouthy with me. I have three SDs, 25/17/16, and they don't dare get fly with me. We don't even speak most of the time, which is fine with me. I have my own BS to care for and he is my heart's song. You feel me. Someone else's brat will catch it though. Just my two cents!