Smom to a toddler
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I'm having trouble finding other step moms who are primary care takers of their skids and have been with them since infancy. I've known my ss2 since he was born and have been his smom since he was 9 months old. Anyone else? I'd like to know: is it going to get easier since I've been here since he can remember? How often do BMs regain primary custody if they've already lost it once? When will he turn on me or when will he show signs of pas. The situation with our BM is like a mother bear times ten because he's still so young and she's pregnant again. How will my ss2 react to the new baby and other kid from the other side. Any advice is much appreciated.
I can't wait to hear these
I can't wait to hear these responses. I'm in a very similar situation.
What are your biggest difficulties with him?
Since he is so small, he's
Since he is so small, he's come home repeating bad things to me like "f*** daddy" or I stink or a b****.
But I know he doesn't know what they mean he's just repeating so it makes me
And DH upset with her. She only gets him on weekends during the school season so I thought she's
Be more into teaching him his ABCs or numbers or colors instead of vulgar language but to each his
Own I guess. So other problems is that I research and do a lot of reading about him and the milestone
He should be close to reaching and help him as much as I can whereas she's determined to baby him
Or hold him as long as she can. He's more respectful towards me whereas he slaps her and refuses to
Listen to her during their time together. I potty trained him in two days using a method I found
Online and of course researched and she would go behind our backs and put
Him in diapers bc she didn't want to have to change him too often or take
Him to potty while out. We tried giving her advice and she got offended and tried saying
We were questioning her mothering skills and whatever else. The whole ordeal makes going to 7/7 during
The summer stressful bc we know there will be regression especially now with her having
Another baby around.
Well my best friend just had
Well my best friend just had a baby and his brother is going to be here soon. His reaction when I held the baby was mild curiosity, kind of like his interest in his fish BUT when DH held the newborn, bc DH loves babies, he was not having it. He tried busting up into DH's lap. He has a cousin thats about 6 months we are trying to expose him to more often and hell hit him if we don't keep a close watch. He takes his baby cousins toys and is mean spirited towards him. This is what makes me worried. At first I wasn't worried but then these outburst have me worried. Hopefully he will adjust well, Im just worried.
I'm interested in what people
I'm interested in what people have to say as well!! SD is 3yo and I'm hoping (fingers crossed) she doesn't grow up hating me....
Its my biggest fear. He's
Its my biggest fear. He's very attached to me and BM knows it. We teach him things like "our home", "our car", and "our dog" more to encourage sharing than anything. And that "our" means" Dad, mine and his but he will come home the first day and tell me "no, mommy and daddy" or "daddy and baby". So I know she or someone over there is working on him.
We have him throughout the
We have him throughout the week from September (Aug when he starts Kindergarten) until May. The papers say Memorial day til Labor day is the considered the summer term and we spend that doing 7 days back and forth. Because our ruling happened in the middle of July last year we already know how the Summer will affect him. The 5 and 2 really helped him progress, in my opinion, but I am the stepmom lol so Im sure she would argue differently.
I have been with my boyfriend
I have been with my boyfriend since his daughter was a year old. She has always known me to be a part of her life. Her mother hates me. She constantly feels that I am trying to be my SD mother. She is extremely PAS. One time, my SD had to draw a picture of her family. She included me as well as aunts, uncles, mother, father, even uncles girlfriend. After SD drew me into the picture and went home to BM, BM whited out what she drew, and redrew a picture of a dog.
For the most part SD loves me and loves to be around me. Occasionally, after BM has been talking bad about me, SD is cold toward me. I usually step back and allow my S/O to talk to her to find out what is bothering her. Normally, SD is told not to like me or listen to me, and she feels torn because she wants to love me, but she doesn't want to hurt her mother's feelings. I simply do my best to give her love and respect, and after a day or so she goes back to being the sweet little girl that I have known since I met her. Am I afraid she will grow to hate me when she is older? Hell yeah. As of right now, I don't worry about it since that is a few years off.
I figure if she has grown up knowing she can like me then she will hopefully see through her mom's BS.
Its so sad that we spend our
Its so sad that we spend our times trying to teach our skids its okay to love everyone when BMs are so worried about being replaced they are ungrateful that their children are actually getting step moms that care about the children. We've had a couple of heart to hearts with BM and we will come to an agreement about her negativity towards me but then a week later or as soon as she doesn't get something she wants from us like an extra day, she's back to being her same old selfish self.
Children obey parents not
Children obey parents not because they have to but because since the day they existed the parent had to be obeyed or they were simply picked up and forced to do what was required. Either they went to bed or someone picked them up and took them to bed. Now obedience seems like a good idea but they really can't tell you why.
It will be close to the same for people who have raised them from infancy although there will be times when the kid begins to realize that there is another adult in the equation. This will be especially true when they become teens. Every child hates a parent and you'll be no exception but its not true nor lasting hate. Just a shock expression used in hopes of getting their way.
A BM would find it easier to regain custody than a father would as judges look upon a child needing the tender mercies of its mother as opposed to its father regardless of any hired or volunteer help. But the BM would have to convince the judge that she had overcome whatever obstacle kept her from being a good mother back when custody was taken from her. So under the right circumstances a BM could find it easy to regain custody after perhaps a year of good behavior has passed. But she'll have to prove it. If the BM is working hard towards that end it might be best if you raised the kid to think of you as Aunt.....
she was never proven unfit
she was never proven unfit persay in court. We just showed that she wasn't putting his wellbeing before her own…like dating a drug dealer (although that picture was thrown out bc we didn't have it date marked). Our lawyer was very good and caught BM lying on the stand multiple times. We mainly showed how much more capable we were than she was to provide for him. She has recently told us that now that her on-again/off-again boyfriend (same drug dealer) got her pregnant accidentally that she wants to go back to court bc ss2 should spend more time with his new half brother and her boyfriend's daughter which he only sees when BM and her baby daddy aren't fighting. They usually go about 2 months and then break up and then get back together. She has moved 5 or so times since leaving when ss2 was a baby and is now living with her mother in a 2 bedroom apt. Her cousin is always staying over on the weekends she has ss2 and now her baby daddy (plus his daughter when he does have her) are all residing in this apartment.
Basically, since she has made it clear she wants to go back to court, is there a chance with these circumstances of our custody changing? I mean will the judge consider the new baby as a good reason to put ss2 in her care primarily?
My stepson was almost 2 when
My stepson was almost 2 when DH and I married. (DH also has full custody) He is one of 4 between BM and DH.
10 years later, I can tell you that my youngest SS and I are very close compared to my other skids. I can also attest that BM has made a point to discredit me as much as possible out of jealousy. It happens, and each woman is different.
I've been my stepsons primary
I've been my stepsons primary caregiver since he was 4 months old. But apparently to people on this site that means nothing.
He's now 17 months old, he's understanding the baby stuff somewgat. He really likes babies so I'm hoping it goes well when she gets here.
no that's not it...on your
no that's not it...on your blog you asked what your rights are to the SS...a lot of us told you THE TRUTH...as in, you have NONE...doesn't matter how long you have been "caregiver"...legally, you have ZERO rights...not sure why you took offense to that statement so much... :?
Is his mother still in the
Is his mother still in the picture or is she not a problem? I am slightly grateful that my ss2 BM is having a baby before I am because I will be able to gauge his reaction and better plan it for when I am expecting. I hope to make him always feel wanted and loved.
My SD is now 7, I have known
My SD is now 7, I have known her since I was 2.
She loves me & respects me & obeys me.
She knows her BM is full of sh*t, she lies to everyone including to SD & she disrespects people that SD loves (my DH, MIL, etc). So SD doesn't care what her Bm says about me or anyone else, because she doesn't trust her.
SD is not here full time & she notices these things. She started noticing around 5 when she started school.
My wife and I met when SS-21
My wife and I met when SS-21 was 15mos old and married a week before he turned 2yo. I am the only full time dad he has ever had. The Sperm Idiot has always had long distance visitation (1wk Winter, 1wk Spring and 5wks summer) but has never spend more than 2 or 3 days with the Skid during any one visitation. Sperm Grandma is the one that kept the Skid during visitation.
When I asked his mom to marry I agreed to be his dad. I raised him as my own and I am his dad.
For me it was never intolerable but the teen years were the most challenging. It does get better though. At least it has for us. SS knows who his REAL dad is and who the worthless POS dad is. SS is an only child in our home but is the eldest of 4 out of wedlock Sperm Idiot spawn by 3 different baby mamas in the Sperm Clan.
Now that SS is a self supporting viable adult he has little to do with the Sperm Clan with the exception of Sperm Idiot spawn #2. He is fairly close with his half sister. The two youngest (the half brothers) are going down the same path as their Sperm Idiot which my SS and his sister cannot stand or tolerate.
To counter the lies and manipulations of the toxic Sperm Clan we used information and facts that were shared with SS in an age appropriate manner as he was growing up. Facts are the only way I know to counter PAS, manipulations and lies from the toxic blended family opposition. Eventually SS would even do his own research in our Custody/Visitation/Support files, he listened to court recordings, read the CO, read the arrest records of his Sperm Idiot, the Private Investigator reports, the marriage and divorce records from his Sperm Idiots penchant for underage girls, etc..........
When Sperm Grandma would lie he would call bullshit immediately. SS’s knowledge of the facts regarding his birth, the Sperm Idiots bullshit and Sperm Grandma and the Sperm Clan’s manipulations shut down the influence that the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool had on him and gave SS the confidence to protect himself from the Sperm Clan’s toxic bullshit. His mom and I set the example, held the Sperm Clan accountable for their crap and brought the pain of accountability down on them when necessary. We never denied visitation and several times paid for the Sperm Clan’s half of visitation travel costs when they were too broke to do it. But, we protected SS from their bullshit as much as we could.
These are the things that we experienced and used as the custodial family for a toddler as we raised him to viable adulthood.
Good luck.