so angry, and hurt, angry some more, defeated
sd13 has been taking care of bm the last 2 days and nights. bm has seizures, just began a few days ago, and sd13 is rearing to help her 'mommy'. all over sd's facebook are posts about being there for her mommy cause thats what families do blah blah blah. bf texting sd blowin up her phone with words of priase blah blah blah.
sd is helpin a woman who forgot her birthdays. who forgot christmas's. who never called the kid when she lived across country. who told her, at 2yrs old, "i hate u dont wnat u u are dead to me!" bm has told me, making sure sd was in earshot, "i never wanted a daughter cause i couldnt bond with my mom."
sd will not lift a finger here, acts all entitled, is a lil bitch, and lets us knw daily how she feels about me her dad and her half sister. hell she will even kick the dogs if they bark at her. but yet this 'woman' if u can call bm that, is seizing and sd runs to help her? wtf???????
It's her
It's her mother...*shrugs*...
I worked with at risk youth years ago, and I've seen worse...Kids whose parents abandoned them...who sold them for drugs...sold them to men for drugs, etc...etc...These same kids WORSHIPED the ground their parents walked on...
That's all they have...There's something inside of them that NEEDS the love and normalcy from their bios...
Unfortunately, those of us on the outside looking in usually can't see it...BUT we have issues with the kid's "off" loyalties...I have this same dysfunction in my own family...I have a cousin who has 4 kids and had all parental rights taken from her...So bad that her name has been taken off of their birth certificates...She comes in and out of their lives as she pleases, mooches money off of them...Her oldest just turned 20 and got married...Honeymoon was barely over, and she was living with them...She treated him like crap all of his life, but he'll do anything for her...Same with all the other kids...
I hear you. Gotta love them,
I hear you. Gotta love them, eh?
depression is so bad at this
depression is so bad at this point. all food makes me want to throw up just from lookin at it. if i do eat something i throw it back up. my head hurts, my body hurts, im on my period, i am so friggin tired. thank god bd5 is willing to watch movies all day snuggled with momma. but i feel so friggin dead to the world i have no energy.
SD is acting entitled and
SD is acting entitled and snotty when she's at home with you guys because she is 100% comfortable with you - she knows she is loved by her dad (and you) no matter what she does or how she acts. That's a powerful thing - your home is where she feels SAFE and nurtured and "entitled" to be lazy etc.
OTOH, her relationship with BM is obviously troubled - telling a 2 y/o you don't love her??? That would give any kid issues. So SD is trying to be her "best self" with BM in order to try to finally EARN BM's love and affection. She does not have the level of comfort and security that she has with you guys.
It's backwards and it's frustrating for you, but it's normal. It's a reflection on how BF & you have raised her that she is able to bring out her mature side and nurture a BM who never did the same for her. Kind of unfortunate that BM is the one benefiting and not you, but to me SD's ability to put herself 2nd to her BM right now says that there is a good chance SD will grow up to be a mature and caring adult.
Bottom line it sounds like this is temporary and underneath all the crap she is a good kid. She will come around.
I am with you 100% on that
I am with you 100% on that one. SD was a total hellion with me, now that she's done some introspection she's reallizing a few things and she tells me that she understands now why I did stuff 'back then' as she calls it, only 8 years ago but that's a long time to a child.
That was really what kept me going, as ironic as that sounds. I love that kid more than she'll ever know and we do have a bond. She does still try with her mother, it lasts for only so long and then the shit hits the fan again and SD gets into even more trouble and ends up back in court! It's hell on wheels! SD tried all ways to get rid of me, to get her parents back together again and a lot of it was at her mother's bidding.
I am going NOWHERE!
Now SD tells me she has accepted that, she made 18 and I have been in her life since she was ten.
SD is currently in a secure juvenile facility, she's going to be released in January iether to us, or as she wants to happen, on a step down program to help her with getting back into society and school etc in the locale of the facility. I am in favor of her making her own way and visiting with us on holidays and I am proud of the progress she has made, despite her setbacks!
I wish her twin brother was as smart as she is, he dropped out of high school in sophomore year, had three addresses and is now back with his mother...in two minds about that one; birds of a feather or dominating mommy's boy? Whichever it is he's not getting to disrespect our home again! his mother, their mother, knows better than to try and cause shit here with us any more. DH called the cops to get her off our property one time! He is passive, anything for a peaceful life sometimes but do not mistake his good nature for stupidity...silly woman!
Ohh yeah, I digress, sorry.
BM has a debilitating disease now, active/remission and in her end days she will need round the clock care. SD is a kind hearted person and she probably will do all she can but by that time SD will have become a woman in her own right and with a good head on her shoulders. I am sorry for all BM's troubles but its' really none of our (DH and I's) business. DH told SD as much when she was asking him if he knew how her brother and mom was doing...Kudos to him for that! I think she may have been a little jealous of her brother being there too, which sparked the question.
I do not wish ill on the woman but I got to the point whereby I became indifferent to her
bf loves her. i tolerate
bf loves her. i tolerate her. never made it known to sd, and my actions of taking care of her ass have not made it to where she knows i hate her. i play the part well.
i agree with u tho about the comfort. i just dnt care anymore about sd's feelings.
I do love SKids, more than
I do love SKids, more than they'll ever know or deserve. I know the hardships they've had with their mother, and are still having with her.
I also know that they are teenagers, artful dodgers!
We are over the worst, however, since they came of age and HAVE to take their own responsibilities and consequences.
Some folks are naturally
Some folks are naturally precocious though, drama queens (and kings). I agree that there is a sadness in that they HAVE to be noticed by people in order to feel good about themselves but they (hopefully) learn and grow into decent adults.