Stressed beyond belief! HELP!!!

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DH was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma Thursday. He'll be starting chemo this Friday. SS13 has been living with us exclusively for 4 months now. He cannot stand his mother and her mental problems. He is the no-good child, can never do anything right with her. His therapist got SS13 and BM to agree to a phone-call schedule to start to spend time together that way. Also SS13 is showing signs of early bi-polar disorder. Thursday, as we were awaiting the biopsy results, SS13 had a total meltdown and locked himself in the bathroom. I managed to get the therapist to talk to him on the phone, where SS13 said he was having suicidal thoughts. DH was sick in bed, so asked if I could bring him to the ER, which I did. BM flipped the freak out, and told the psychologist at the crisis center in the hospital he's depressed because DH and I let him play too many video games, so they did nothing to help him. I made myself scarce before she showed up so as to not put more stress on the SS13 and the situation in general.

I can't disengage from this. BM has legal rights to him, which means she's going to mess with every bit of progress we make. DH is too sick, and is only going to get worse once the chemo begins. There is no one but me to parent SS13, which I'm happy to do. He's mostly respectful of me, and would rather put up with me than BM, so he minds his Ps and Qs so I won't send him back there. I emailed our family therapist. I emailed our lawyer about power of attorney. Just waiting for responses.

Anyone have any advice in this clearly insane time in life? I just don't know what to do.

Thanks. I don't know why,

Thanks. I don't know why, whenever I read comments like this it makes me tear up. Definitely in over my head here.

Thank you. SS has been

Thank you. SS has been fantastic, but he definitely has his up and down days because of the bi-polar disorder, it's not something he has much control over. DH is going to bring him to therapy this week, and they're going to push for zoloft. Once he's on that, a lot of this should calm down. I'm hoping that gets taken care of before his first round, cuz once chemo begins I'll be riding the crazy-BM-train alone.

Actually, just got great

Actually, just got great news. I emailed our lawyer and let him know what's going on. He said to focus on DH and SS13 and get them whatever medical help they need, and he will take care of her. She has no rights or say here, b/c she's dumped him here indefinitely, I have power of attorney when the kids are in our care, and that's the end of it. If she harasses him, he's going to direct her to me, and if she harasses me, I'm going to direct her to the lawyer, and that's it.

Feels good to actually care about the stuff that actually matters. BM's temper tantrums don't.