Today's "Challenges"
Yesterday I felt strong and grumpy. Today I am all jittery and grumpy.
So I am driving past the skids school this morning and there is BM - happily with SS and a few others off on a nice little day of adventure. It isn't her week. Turns out she has volunteered her time to the school to spend the week on an Education Outside the Classroom thing. She has spent the week with Skid at movies and swimming etc. Good on her was one of my thoughts but I couldn't work out why it was annoying me soooo much!
Guess who pays for it? She doesn't want to work so she gets to be Mother perfect and we pay her an enormous amount of money even thought she has as much chance to work as DH. That would be ok except that she then accuses DH of being a bad father because he doesn't have time to attend school stuff. He's WORKING to PAY so she CAN. She tried to get custody of Skids using this as one of her reasons - and the lawyer let her. I mean she failed but grrrrrrrrrr
This time of year is so fun isn't it? Leaver's dinner invite came last night. SS12 wants his Dad to go. School has BM and DH at same table sitting next to each other. O happy joy- family time.
Do I go? I can if I want to?
What would you do??? I would rather cut off my arm and feed it to my dog. I think DH should go because SS wants him there. I don't want to hide away - that has been a disaster and she has sensed my intimidation. arghhhhhhhhhhhh!
Oh, this is so ugly. Holidays
Oh, this is so ugly. Holidays are so hard for SMs! There is no win. You should go, but I doubt you'll have a good time. At least if you're there you don't have to stay home and stew on them sitting there all happy family. Neither is fun. It all just sucks!
Thanks for understanding on
Thanks for understanding on the fence. Putting aside how she will behave and react (we have no control over that), I think the best thing to do is go. It will be horrible but at least DH and I are being grown ups - doing the right thing by SS. In the past, I thought the right thing was to stay away but we came close to divorce doing that and that helps him how?
When I hid away and was intimidated, I felt like I wasn't allowed to exist - everyone was too busy trying to keep BM happy and I was a dirty little secret. I know she wants me gone but too bad. Suck it up and smile lady! No more hiding but OMG it's scarey coming out from under the duvet. I know she will get aggressive about it and I am not looking forward to the fallout. She may go for custody again. If that happens, I guess I will feel guilty that maybe I caused it. I just have to keep reminding myself it isn't my fault. I am not behaving badly just because I am alive and part of my family. It's ok to be part of the family - otherwise - why am I here?
You didn't cause anything. I
You didn't cause anything. I just can't understand why ex's don't get that they are EX! I have one and we share a son. When he makes a rare appearance at a school function, other people wouldn't know that we know one another. He is finally civil to me and that's fine. Divorced is divorced. He is no longer my husband and I am no longer his wife.
YOU are the wife. Yes, BM is the mother, (which makes DH the mother ...well, you know. LOL!) But YOU are the wife and not some dirty little secret! I have a friend who's DH has a really stupid BM. Friend asked DH once how he could have been so stupid. His response was so funny- If I could unf*@# it, I would!
So take your place as wife, have a disgusting evening, but be there with your DH and let her have fits. It's good for DH anyway. Shows him that he was right to choose you.
I'm fighting the crawl out from under the duvet thing right now myself, with BMs and the SDs. I let them push me under it. Or maybe I fled there for safety, but it just lets them win and they like you there, out of their way. BS. We do not need to accept gummy worms for back bones!
Lol I love it!! I agree they
Lol I love it!! I agree they like you there out of their way. As long as I don't get the feeling DH prefers me there too (sometimes for the sake of peace he probably does but that kills me so I have been trying to explain it to him).
Hey - we can come out of hiding together. I survived cancer - I can do this. We can do this! We are strong! Some days it seems scarier than the cancer. I don't know about you but a friend in this would be great!
School events. aargh. They
School events. aargh. They never end. BM sat near us through endless volleyball games, soccer games, assemblies, and a 3-hour graduation. It's important to show up, even though it's like eating ground glass. Otherwise, BM wins. Plus it's probably wholesome for your SS to see you as part of the parent team.
One consolation: putting on a great act. Pick out the clothing that you'll feel most confident in. Take the time to make your hair nice. (Mind you, I'm speaking as an earth-muffin artist who buys almost everything at Goodwill, but around BM I used to do what I could to look good.) Act like someone handed you a script to play the part of a woman who's just DELIGHTED to be there at the school event being involved in the career of her lovely SKid, and who never had a self-doubt in her life. Practice ahead of time, being serenely unconcerned by whatever crap the BM pulls. Smile brightly at the BM. It'll drive her insane and put you in the powerful position.
That's GREAT! I was thinking
That's GREAT! I was thinking about a new dress....hairdo. Might even get my nails done and a facial. Im a bit of an earth muffin too and only really care about feeling comfy but for this - I can try. Thanks madrona. I love the eating ground glass. The things we do huh? But I am not just going to be the housekeeper at home any more, washing their darlings socks.
You think it hurt HIS
You think it hurt HIS feelings?????? Damit- he should have taken you as his Princess in his own bloody car - who is he with now anyway? What a prat. Sorry. Can't help myself today. Just had really big fun time with BM.