Toxic Spawn Apples and their TOO
TOO = Trees of Origination
Im writing this in hope that anyone else out there that thinks they can help bring skids up and out of the cesspool of toxic, will realize and understand that the Toxic Spawn Apples will ALWAYS revert back to their TOO - Trees of Origination.
I got some great advice last night.
Back story: I called SD14 (previously known here as Munchkin) out on her chit. I told her she misrepresented why her work in honors english wasnt graded. She told me her teacher was in mourning and thats why she wasnt grading her work. When I emailed the teacher, I was told delinquent work is low priority. I also called her out on her assertions that she was overwhelmed and didnt have enough time to get everything done, and mentioned that her 2-4 hours daily conversations to her long-distance friend were actually the reason she had no time. I mentioned that I was hurt and disappointed that she was disrespecting me by not responding to email or text. I had waited a day to get response because she was at her mothers house.
I was accused of harrassment.
I saw in texts that Sd14 cannot stand me at all but loves her father and doesnt want to lose him.
I saw in texts that was NEVER supportive, ONLY rude. This is after multiple zoom meetings with teachers during lunches and breaks. Multiple emails on her behalf turning absences into tardies, advocating her. Just last Friday, I told her "its only a month to go, you are doing great, dont lose focus now! You can do this".
Now its all Shit. There I said it.
This is after 7 years. Multiple instances of SD14 throwing me under the bus, Multiple accusations that go no where, by Toxic Troll, fueled by misunderstandings from SD14. Misinterpretations. Whatever you want to call it. They are so enmeshed its hard to tell the difference between them anymore.
Folks, Toxic People spawn Toxic Children. Please guard your heart. Dont get taken in by their little smiling faces, they will turn on you eventually. After 7 years I finally have learned this to be true. Trust in Genetic Legacy. You think you are doing the right thing, but the right thing turns into the wrong thing, and is then used against you.
Just guard your heart, and you will come out the other side.
Yep. I'm glad I realized
Yep. I'm glad I realized early on it was a lost cause even trying to be anything beyond a polite acquaintance to SD. Sorry for all the resentment this is probably causing you.
Genetics really do matter. People don't like to believe it because that means it's somewhat out of our control, but they do.
Same. Once SS started lying
Same. Once SS started lying his face off, I knew it was game over for me. I kept my distance after that.
Genetic Legacy
I never really thought that I would see it unfold in front of me like this...
Thanks, it really is heartrending. But Ill just have to find a channel to put my energies in that doesnt involve someone elses kiddos.
You Can't Fix Bad Genes.
Say it with me.
Both of Muchkin's parents are damaged people. Both have a history of substance abuse and dysfunction. Out of the three adults in her life, you are the only one concerned for her and her future, which is sad but common on ST.
We've talked about the liklihood of Munchkin going to the Dark Side someday, what her chances of beating the odds were, etc. You've shown her there's a better way, but she doesn't want it. She knows her parents are weak and have no standards, so you caring and parenting her just put a target on your back. It's a stacked deck, CLove. You're the problem, you meanie with your huge heart, standards and follow through.
Your H married up, you married down, so some culture clash was unavoidable, but This Failed First Family has been laying some hard, ugly lessons on you these past few weeks. Are you ready to accept them?
YES
Im ready, finally, after putting all my resources out on the line (externally and internally) to accept what is.
She definitely doesnt want it.
Culture Clash. Definitely that has happened. They dont have the same standards...the same "something".
Yes, and the target is over my heart. The broken side.
I mean, compared to what her
I mean, compared to what her parents do (ie, nothing), you can see how your attempts at parenting seem like "harassment". That's why it doesn't work for a stepparent to take over for a weak bio parent - if her mom and dad don't give a rat's a$$ how she does in school, why would she? And why would she try when they BOTH give her the message that it's not important? It's a set up. For a kid, that all points to YOU being the problem. And then TT is happy to help her blame you.
Harassing and Rude and Unsupportive
But helicoptering.
Yes. Her BFF mother who she gets to parent. What kid wants someone giving repercussions to actions?
AND every step I took, I alerted DH on. He was the one who told me I should cut off the phone. And that I should text before cutting off the phone. After offering to sell the rabbit and lizard.
So, now its "I love you Dad, I dont want to lose you, but cLove made rude comments and helicoptered instead of being supportive."
I asked my friend once what
I asked my friend once what was my role in all of this. She said, " You fell in love with a man with damaged kids."
Knowing what I know now being a SP walking into a situation where you have one toxic parent and one enabling parent and trying to fix it. Is the equivalent of putting a band aid on a severed artery.
All broken and damaged
All toxic.
That's true, but also - you
That's true, but also - you tried to fix the man and the damaged kids. That was the real problem.
Toxic Spawn have two TsOO.
I am sorry that they have all driven you to this point. WIth the investment of heart and resources you have made in this kid I know it is heartbreaking. That your DH has learned nothing is even more disappointing I am sure.
Thanks Rags
Id hoped to have a success story similar to yours. But unfortunately the Toxic Spawn Apples are truly going rotten.
Lets see: failing biology - her area of study that she is hoping to follow in college. Assuming she gets there. And 4 hours daily phone calls.
And awkard at home not speaking to each other. Its truly heart breaking. 7 years emotional investment.
Sometimes...
...When you get tired of their excuses, when you've given chances over and over again to no avail, the best thing you can do for your own piece of mind is just to walk away and let them do the damn shit they do...to someone else.
Amen