UPDATE ON DISTANT SD!! ITS BEEN 5 MONTHS..
it's been so long the last time i was here with my problems and i apologize cause even though i dont have much experience on giving advice i would give out my input which i believe was good to some of u (or so i like to think).the problems havent stopped at all but i have been trying so hard to just let them go but its really hard for me. so im back in here to vent cause no one else but u girls understand my possition....i missed u all.
so much has happened that i dont even know how to start my vent but i'll try my best.well SD hasn't been coming to our house for the past 5 months instead she has been going to my in-laws.her reason is still a mystery but i think its cause of my baby girl also her sister and the fact that she is not being treated like a princess anymore.she just doesn't want to come over and is making everyone think that my H is a mean father. he calls her and asks "don't u love me anymore" and she passes the phone over to in-laws ignoring the question. in-laws are doing the same not coming over (also haven't seen my baby also their granddaughter for 5 months) and doing nothing about SDs problems. last time i saw them we got in an argument and they said they were going to do whatever they had to do to have SD with them and if SD didn't want to see her dad when she was with them then they were not going to force her. my H has one brother and he is also not talking to him. all i know is that my Hs family is talking to SDs mother and grandmother and that they are on their side. my sister saw SDs mother at the grocery store and since my sister ignored her SDs mother followed her around the store cause she wanted my sis to say hi to her so that she could bark at her about how bad of a father my H is like she did last time she saw her at the store. im just trying to forget about all this mess and my H tells me the same thing cause he knows how bad of a temper i have and how hard it is for me to forget about things like this but every now and then i get frustrated. i don't need SD or in-laws cause they are not related to me and haven't done a good thing for me or my baby or H but it makes me wonder what they are made of cause what kind of grandparents don't want to see their baby granddaughter? and what kind of 9 year old doesn't want to see her baby sister or daddy? when we had that argument at my house i never told them to leave my house or was rude to them i just told them what i had to and stood up for myself and my H cause they were attacking him as well. so they have no reason to not come over and even if a was rude to them which i wasn't well why do they go to SDs mother and grandmother who were mean to them and made up things about them? they beg to them to see SD but they don't beg me to see my baby? and like i said they don't have to beg cause i never told them they couldn't see my baby anymore.and also that time they were here SD was in baby's room with H and she had agreed to stay with us but when H told in laws that SD was staying MIL told SD that she was going to take her places and SD quickly said ok never mind i'll go with you. the times that my H has called SD she only agrees to see him at public place as if at home my H will do something to her. and according to FIL my H can't do anything right cause one time they talked FIL told him that he wasn't doing anything to win SD back (and this was at the time when my little one turned 1 and my H asked SD to come over and was going to pick her up but BM said that she would drop her off which she didnt) to me that is reaching out but not according to FIL. next day my H calls his father to try and get SD to come over and his father says to leave SD alone and not force her. so i just don't understand these people cause they want my H to reach out to SD so he does but when he does they say that he is pressuring her?????
Enjoy the peace and quiet if you can
This is of course a ridiculous situation. I cannot imagine how his parents think they are doing anyone any good to allow a 9 year old to set the tone.
We have a similar one with SD17/BM but I personally am enjoying just being with my DH without going broke just to stay in touch with people who don't care about us and just want to use us for what they can get.
I would ignore this and ignore them if you can. The longer that goes on, the more bored they will all get with their 'self-righteousness', then maybe SD can be brought into line as the child she is.
The only thing I can think of w/DH parents is that they must be very lonely as most elderly are (including mine and DH's) and accept whatever attention they can get. For that I try to understand and pity them as we will all be in their position one day, if we are lucky! But SD needs a reality check, STAT, or she will only get worse as she gets older.
p.s. Clearly SD doesn't want to see baby because she is jealous. I would watch this as I have a much older sister who made my life hell because she was very jealous at being displaced and I was never physically big enough to make her stop bullying me, until I was an adult, ha ha!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
WOW!!!!
Sounds like how my parents in law would be with the step snot if they had their way...They haven't seen step snot in years because they grossly overstepped their position as grand parents.
Your in a difficult position because your IN LAWS are really sticking their nose in a situation they do not belong in and are actually encouraging alienation between father and child. My DH had complete control of step snot because her mom wasn't in the picture and BM had no parental rights so keeping his parents away from her daughter was easy for us to do..It sounds like you don't have the ability to do that because of kids mom..
My immediate thought is to not call step daughter when she is at the in laws anymore. It's obvious that with your in laws your step daughter is also "the golden child" and they will do all they can to keep her and to keep her dad away from her. It also gives the "in laws" a sence of power that your DH has to go through them to have contact with his child. This is a way in which your in laws try to manipulate, power struggle, and control your DH..
I would take the power away from the in laws. I would only call her when she was at or with her mother...I would just do all I could to remove the in laws from the equation..Oh and they would not be allowed to have anything to do with mine and Dh's children and that includes even getting pictures of them.
so we just found out that SD
so we just found out that SD is spending the whole week of spring break at my in-laws. how did we find out? my Hs brother's wife called him to invite us or just him i'm not sure to go to their house to eat sweat bread. she invited my H cause SD was going to be there and i guess that was his big opportunity to see SD. H just said yes to avoid an argument but he was not gonna go cause he has decided that if SD doesn't want to come over to our house then it's not gonna be just where she wants. he thinks it's ridiculous that she only agrees to see him at in-laws, his brother's and restaurants or stores. in-laws have never been alone or left out cause H's brother is always taking them places or having them over every friday night and they are specially invited to spend time with his daughters. the way these in-laws are behaving it tells me that they only have 3 granddaughters SD and Hs brother's daughters. like disgusted said what they want specially MIL is to have control over H which is what she had before he met ME!! and i will advice H not to call SD when she is with in-laws. most evil u are also right about these weird people getting bored with their self-righteousness and it showed when BM followed my sis around the store just to get some kind of response from her. well 1 long week that SD will be spending with in-laws let's just wait and see what kind of crap they pull or maybe they will continue like before not talking to their own son and ignoring their baby granddaughter.
thanks for ur advice girls!!!
What about this...
I don't know what the laws are in the state where you live, but in my state, the children do not get to choose if they participate in the court appointed visitation. The parents must abide by what the court set and the children must abide by it also.
If this bunch is refusing to allow him to visit with his daughter, take them to court! Tell the judge how they refuse to allow you to talk to her etc. DEMAND that his visitation be reinstated and then let this CHILD know that she is just that, the CHILD, and she doesn't get to set the rules for the family! Then carry a copy of the court orders with you. If they refuse to give the child to you, call 911 at that moment, sit in your car outside their house, the police will come, read the court order, and get the child and give her to you! That will send a VERY LOUD message to the lot of them!
If they don't get control over her manipulative attitude, then there could be big problems with her down the road!
Oh, and as for his parents not seeing your daughter, I'd consider that a blessing in disguise! You don't want her influenced by these people!
It is your SDs need for control.
My SD is the same way, sometimes trying to refuse a visit by making up a lie. Luckily, BM does make her come for the visits she trys to skip--probably needs a break from the brat!
It is SDs loss, believe me as a BM of a 2 yr old, my SDs half brother, you do not want her to have any influence over your child. Be thankful that people like this are not around your child.
it's exactly what i heard
it's exactly what i heard from my mother today! you don't need these people in ur life cause they are a bad influence and baby is better off with out them. and about SD not being here im now thankful cause i dont know what she might do to my baby. these kids are being raised to think that they are the most important people in the world and when their world crumbles they do horrible things just check this out....
http://www.rockymountainnews.com/news/2009/feb/21/11-year-old--boy-accus...
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,497986,00.html
it's really messed up right?
it's really messed up right? a dr. from venezuela or somewhere down there said that the reason kids are behaving the way they are is because they are now untouchables....