Update SD
SD (age 20) has a new boyfriend. They have been together for 10 months and they have moved in together. They argue ALL the time. DH and I went out to eat with them ONE time. SD constantly bosses him around. She even told him what he could and couldn't eat. The BF seems to be nice but he seems needy and desperate for love and attention. He is very clingy to SD and has started calling DH, DAD.
After 3 attempts to go to college, SD works at a local department store a step up from Walmart now. I think she has been working there for about 10 months as well. The longest time she has worked for a company prior to this one is about 60 days. She always got fired. Can she make it a year without getting fired?
This weekend she found out how cruel the world could be to someone that doesn't pay their bills and has bad credit. Someone hit her car in the parking lot at her work and insurance totaled it. It was an older beat up vehicle worth about $2000. She asked DH if he would look at vehicles with her. DH gets the pleasure of taking SD and her BF car shopping. Instead of looking locally, she took DH about 4 hours or so away from home. Dh worked the nightshift and he was tired. He wasn't going to tell her no and she wasn't going to wait for him to take a nap. He leaves at 10AM. She goes to multiple car lots can't find anything. At 8PM DH calls me to tell me that she found a vehicle and is in financing now and it shouldn't be much longer because the place closes at 9PM.
SD knew she had bad credit. She ran up a couple of credit cards and didn't bother to pay them and she didn't bother to pay college back after she was kicked out and on a scholarship. Her BF was going to co-sign with her. I know, STUPID.
DH gets back home at 1 AM Saturday morning. SD didn't get a car because not only was her credit bad, BF's credit was too. Interest rate was really high. DH said he listened to SD cry and argue with BF most of the way back until they both fell asleep.
Saturday, DH and I had plans. SD was calling him constantly. I decided I was going back home. Everytime I wanted to ask DH a question, he was on the phone with SD. She was whinning about everything and even looking at vehicles from individuals on craigs list. She wanted an individual to take a 500.00 down payment and she will pay the rest in a couple of days IF they would give her the car. She was upset because the person selling the vehicle wouldn't agree to it.
Today, Dh told me that she found a car locally. I am SO glad. Maybe the phone calls will finally stop. I told DH before he left on Friday that she would find a better deal locally than driving 4 hours away.
Why was she going 4 hours
Why was she going 4 hours away in the first place? Is there some car mecca that's located 4 hours from you?
Just be glad that your DH didn't offer to help with the car!
She was going 4 hours away
because it was a bigger city and had more car lots. She thought she could get a better deal. I think he did give her money for the car. I don't know how much because we have separate bank accounts.
She was trying to get daddy as far away from you as possible.
Good thing Karma bit her in the ass.
Unfortunately, it did not stay chewing on her idiot ass for a whole lot longer than it did.
A few months of public transportation and high Uber/Lyft bills would have done her some good.
She is still getting chewed up for 72 months or
until the new vehicle is repossessed. Her car payments are almost as high as my new suv that I financed for 60 months and her small car is financed for 72 monhts. Her car insurance tripled. She had liability insurance on a 1990 something vehicle and now she has a 2017 vehicle with full coverage. She has a speeding ticket and a wreckless driving which causes her insurance to go up more and she had to add her BF to her policy since he co-signed for it.
If DH and BM will stay out of the way and let her deal with things, she will figure it out or lose the vehicle. DH can't help a lot because he doesn't have the funds to do so. We have separate bank accounts so it doesn't impact me if he does. BM may come to her rescue.
Adult Skids
can be as bad as infants, imho.
My SD22 is married with 2 very young children, but bounces from her in-laws to BMs, no stable home, doesn't drive or work...
Hopefully your DH will open his eyes to realize enabling isn't helping and after she suffers a bit she will pull her life together or not. Either way, it's not his responsibility to make sure she makes it in this life after a certain point. If she's grown up enough to work and live independently, she will have to deal with the consequences of her actions or inactions.
SD's BF is in for a bumpy road... I'd probably avoid seeing them socially to avoid being subjected to their arguments, or I'd call them out on their behavior. I think it's ok to tell another adult to check themselves when they are making a public spectacle. I don't know if your DH would be one to mention it or not, but I think I'd probably remind them that some discussions are better to he had privately and if it continued I'd excuse myself. I'd make my plan known to DH beforehand so he could escape as well, if he wanted to.
I don't see her too often
Dh told SD that we were going out to eat and she invited herself. Normally, I avoid her. Calling SD out in public would only make things worse. Dh and I both know she will make a scene and more than likely the cops would have to be called. DH likes to blame the BF but SD is nothing but drama.
What happened to SD's horse?
What happened to SD's horse? Does she still have it?
She sold it
She isn't able to pay for this vehicle and a horse.
At least the horse got away.
These people..... need to be abandoned to figure it out.
All of them. They need to feed, house, clothe, transport, etc... themselves and their families (Including their children).
I know there are cultural differences and family history differences at play in these situations.
However, a parents goal has to be to prepare their children for adult life. The parent's job is not to protect their children from adult life.
My DW is my prototype example of a child then young adult who had to learn this lesson and she learned it well.
DW had SS-30 when she was 16. My ILs provided measured support and help but did not do more than facilitate housing. They put an old worn out travel trailer on the end of their house and connected it to their water, sewer, and power. That as it. DW had to be a 16 & pregnant HS student, then a single teen mom navigating that for herself. She graduated on time with her HS class with honors. The district attempted to get her to withdraw from the HS and do the "pregnant teen" GED program. DW refused. My IL's stepped in to foster her cause with the district. DW worked (Dairy Queen), attended school, and raised a baby mostly on her own. ILs did have her back when she booted the Spewrmidiot for cheating on her.
After HS graduation DW & SS moved out of state to a University with an accelerated BS progrem (3 years full time with only a single week break between Fall, Spring & summer "semesters" ).
We met at that school. Long story shorter, DW completed a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors, and is a CPA with a thriving successful career. Unlike her 3 younger sibs who are all struggling for the most part.
SS-30 is a man of character, honor, and standing in his life, profession and community. His 3 younger SpermDad spawned half sibs are crashing and burning in life. #2 is on the dole, #3 is in prison, and #4 is not far behind the inmate.
Being cold, hot, hungry, dirty, emotionally distraught, are all important learning experiences for young adults who are expecting others to care, provide, and cater for them..