Weirdest thing
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Last weekend SD14 was cleaning her room. Given that it takes an act of God to get her to lift a finger around the house, I figured something we up. She kept bringing stuff downstairs and throwing it in the trash in the garage. Sure enough, she was throwing away clothes, stuffed animals, jewelry, etc. Stuff she didn't want to "bother" putting away. I went through a bunch of it and kept out stuff for our two BDs (4 and 1). They love it.
Husband came home that evening and asked what SD was doing. Turns out he told her to "Get ready to move." OK, even if she does go live with BM, my understanding was that it would not happen until the end of the school year. And since when does living with BM mean throwing out her clothes and other things?!
Huh
Sounds like SD is pissed and is trying to make a point in a passive/aggressive sorta way
Yeah, I agree
I am a nurse and sometimes I will get a patient who refuses to eat. When I was a younger nurse I would try to use that "therapeutic communication" stuff they drilled into our heads and try to get them to eat. Then one day it hit me, just like a thunderbolt from the sky: they aren't hurting me one darn bit by refusing to eat. And that's what I tell them.
So tell SD that she is sorely mistaken if she thinks you will be hurt that she is throwing her own stuff away. Ain't no skin off your nose!
I didn't think about it that way
Maybe you're right. If she was expecting a scene, it backfired. I just waited until she wasn't around and pulled out the stuff I thought BDs would like. The stuff she threw away was mostly stuff her father gave her. Hmmm...
Whatever
They are right, she is only hurting herself, possibly to get attention/be a martyr, etc. I would just act bored and like you didn't even notice what she was doing.
If she is staying I would take the cost of those things out of her allowance!
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
If I had to estimate conservatively
I would say the total cost of the clothes SD disposed of is, minimum, $1,000. It's at least 80 items, including several swimsuits, T-shirts, sweatshirts, pants, skirts, and dresses.
Illness
Omigosh, that just makes me feel sick, I wish I had $1k worth of clothes!!! does she need the 'volunteer at homeless shelter/soup kitchen' treatment?
Our work did that where you sort the clothes people give, then people come in to pick out what they need, oh my God, you will kiss every sweater and set of sheets you have! can you sell DH on that? it would really apply here.
If he won't, maybe you could even 'kidnap' her, take her cell and make her work there for 2 hours without his blessing. Then he could see the result, there were several of us who cried while we were there. I was in the food sorting which was just as sad. They said a lot of parents bring their kids in to see how easy they have it.
Hang in there, you have got to be making some kind of impact eventually!
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
My mom is quite disgusted
as well. I have four nieces, and I have been taking the clothes to her house to give to them. They are always grateful for EVERYTHING they have. And they don't have near as much as SD. This is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to SD's clothes. I'll bet this was less than a fourth of what she has. And she only wears about a tenth of it. She totally equates love with how much money you spend on her. Her dad just took her shopping again the other day, AFTER she got rid of all these clothes. He'll never get it.
Maybe
Maybe if she sees her sisters, cousins, etc. wearing her stuff she will realize what she is giving away. I think all young girls go thru a clothes horse phase, but when they have to pay it is a different story.
I forgot to say, pull out the jewelry too and give it to your girls, I bet they would love to have something that was hers! If she dares to make any of them feel bad for wearing the stuff, I would ream her a new one, ya know!
Bless your heart honey, she needs you is what is so bad
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
Ha!
Funny, Most Evil. I would agree with you on that, but my husband refuses to discipline SD or hold her accountable for anything. I showed him what she threw away and he just said "That kid has problems." But he won't punish her. When she wanted to play club volleyball ($600), I suggested she should have to pay part of it to show her commitment and because I thought it was ridiculous for a kid to ask her parents to spend so much money on a recreational activity. He acted like I was crazy.
You are not crazy.. When I
You are not crazy.. When I was a sophmore in HS I wanted to go to Modeling school.. I went.. but the deal was I had to pay HALF!!! we were on a weekly budget and I did.. I had to produce half of the payment each month.
Now.. my sister on the other hand took dance lessons for like ever, many of them, and never had to pay for anything, including the outfits...
The difference between my sister and I you ask?? I put myself through college, have had a job my entire adult life, bought a condo and a house while I was single, AND have money saved.. My sister went to college for 12 yrs of which my parents payed for the first I think 8.. after that, she was made to take out student loans.. too late.. the damage is done.. she then married and divorced, and then married again. This 2nd person she married is WAYYYY more responsible and HE bought a condo, after they qualified for low income housing, since she was no longer working, but rather on to a trade college for her "next" career!
Take it from me.. you were doing the right thing by asking that she pay HALF!
It gets worse
I didn't even ask that she pay half. I suggested $100. She gets $14 a week allowance and ALWAYS has spending money. She buys herself pizza for lunch and will not share it with anyone else. In fact, when her dad ate a slice she told him he owed her $2. I didn't think I was out of line, but he did. When I was in high school I wanted to go to basketball camp. I knew my parents could not afford it, so I paid for it myself. And I lived to tell about it! And I never though someone was being mean to me! But he will not have ANY expectations of her. That way, she can never let him down.
He will see her for what she is one day
Well I hate to say this my dad thought the sun shines out of my backside. I was always afraid of letting my dad down and because he i was shy he thought I could do no wrong. When I moved in with him and I was about 17 and lived there for 4 years. I started going out clubbing with my mates. I hide from my dad that I was dating boys etc. I think my step-mum knew that I was seeing a boy. Anyway when I got pregnant think my dad realised I was not the perfect daughter he thought I was. I mean I think when you put you dd high up to be something that their not and living up to that is hard. So let her carry on as one day she be caught out and the only thing I will say you got to be their for your dp. Don't give him the I told you so speech just tell understand he will be very hurt by what she does.
The pizza thing sounds like she is very greedy sort of girl with her stuff thats one thing about me I would always share my food. I would never have asked my dad for $2 for taking a slice of pizza she sounds so mean with her money. Maybe as she is getting her older you should start making her earn her money by doing odd jobs if she want to be like that.
VERY greedy and selfish
Everything we have we HAVE to share with her is SD's belief. But anything she has is hers alone. I think, deep down, my husband realizes what's going on with this kid. But he'd rather keep his head in the sand than fight to change her. In fact, when we married she was eight, and he told me then that she was too old to change. Her chores, she almost never does and he still gives her an allowance, so there's no incentive to earn anything. She gets everything given to her. I've washed my hands of trying to make her a better person. Nobody else but me wants that, so oh well...