What did you just say!?!
As some of you know, SS14 was involved in a criminal investigation for an act of violence & bullying. The other parent opted not to press charges, with the stipulation that SS attend youth services with her son & counseling with the youth pastor. Tonight, DH dropped SS off for the service. When he returned home, he says to me "I kind of felt sorry for SS when I dropped him off. He said it's boring & not many people come." Um, excuse me... what did you just say!?! You felt sorry for him! It's not supposed to be fun & games! He's supposed to be learning from his mistake! We were told by the investigator, if charges were pressed, he could be looking at time in YDC.
Am I wrong for feeling like it doesn't matter if SS "likes" the youth services? I think he & DH should be counting their blessings that the other parent didn't press charges... Because if I was the other parent, I would have pressed charges...& his ass would be "bored" sitting in YDC right now!
The victims parent did your
The victims parent did your Skid no favors. He should have had to face the charges. That might have actually taught him something.
Thank you Rags! I personally
Thank you Rags! I personally stepped away from the entire situation and had nothing to do with this decision. DH & BM were more than willing to let their little angel off with "youth service & pastoral counsel" instead of facing the true consequences for his actions.
The entire point to my post was he got in trouble. DH should not be feeling sorry for him because SS "doesn't like it".
Thanks! You're exactly right.
omg the parents are making
omg the parents are making the boy to attend their church TO avoid charges and your husband and BM agreed?
You have no idea what kind of church this is AND what their teaching are. Wow, just wow.
If I was the mother of this boy (your stepson) I would pull back on my decision and go to court. They will plea this one down.
I am shocked at this gamble.
Wow, I am shocked at the
Wow, I am shocked at the questions on the church and religion. This is a kid that obviously physically put his hands on another to the point of charges being filed, he is already on the wrong path, so how in the world would religious counselling hurt, regardless of denomination. I visited several different denominations as a youngster and I learned a lot from each, it did not mess me up. As an adult I choose the one that I related to more.
No I would not. I just don't
No I would not. I just don't think that is what is going on here. I believe the victims parents are trying to help this kid, period.
I get the feeling that people
I get the feeling that people are getting the impression that some judge stipulated this alternative to jail. I don't think this at all rises to issues of separation of church and state etc...
Here's what I figure happened. These families probably are members of the same church community or at a minimum same neighborhood. Their kids had a dustup.. the victim's parents think that instead of sending their son's "friend/exfriend" to juvie.. that maybe if the pastor worked with the boys.. their relationship would improve and the bully would see the error of his ways.
I'm sure that even if the authorities were involved that they were happy to let the parents of the two boys figure this out instead of forcing everyone to go to court. I'm sure that especially with young kids (14 is young) that they are in no hurry to drag them into the criminal justice system if lesser measures can rectify the situation.
This isn't really the same thing as deferring to sharia law when little bobbie steals a candy bar and they cut off his hand! This is having the boys spend some time at church and get some counseling from an adult. I believe it's pretty common for pastors to have some amount of counseling training.. maybe some are better than others but in this case, the parents feel like this softer intervention may be enough.
The fact that the boy thinks this is boring and is not participating is troubling. He dodged a bullet here by not being dragged into court. The next time the parent involved may not be so forgiving to him.
I will be honest, I wouldn't
I will be honest, I wouldn't be sputtering in disbelief. Of course a kid's parents will prefer to keep their child out of the court system. I am also thinking that with kids there is always the possibility that there were underlying issues between the boys that maybe the other boy fed into there being a problem too?
I remember when I was in 5th or 6th grade hitting a girl who used to be a friend of mine but had moved on to other friends and left me in the dust so to speak. I was just angry at her for hurting my feelings. I didn't "beat her" but I did punch her..lol. Our parents got us together to work through our issues. To this day almost 40 years later, we still are in touch on facebook..lol.
Sometimes kids have things going on that parents don't know about. Perhaps the other boy's parents thought that the SS could benefit from this less harsh intervention.
It may 100% turn out to not work.. and SS's attitude pretty much is a tell on that, but you can't blame people for trying.
" How is this possibly better
" How is this possibly better than simply taking the punishment - which is likely probation unless he has a history - and getting it over with?"
I totally get your argument about the "slippery slope" I don't think this was ordered by any govt.. but an agreement between the parents. In some cases, unless there is evidence to the contrary that can be used, the legal system generally can't step in if the "victim" won't testify.. so them allowing the parents of kids to try to settle the differences isn't in itself unusual.
It's not like we would advocate calling the law every time kids get in some dustup right? two eight year old's fighting on the playground etc...?
The problem with letting the "law" step in is that it starts the precedent with the county/town officials that this boy is a "problem". I have known several kids who seem to be trouble magnets in part because they are "known" to local law enforcement and they seem to be rousted a lot more than other kids. It's like they are identified and put on some unofficial watch list. I think from that point, it can be harder for he kids to stay out of trouble under that microscope.
I can definitely see how SS's parents would not want him labeled as a troublemaker by the courts at 14. I can see how the other boy's parents wouldn't want to "make more of this than there was" by forcing a court issue as well.
Now, if SS continues to harass their son and doesn't follow through on his end of the bargain.. well, they may be inclined to press charges. I would say that the likelihood of being successful in their pressing charges would go down after a reasonable amount of time unless they had very good evidence. Memory fades and I don't know if you will get a lot of traction to trying to press charges for a bullying incident that happened 2 years ago.