I knew it wouldn't be all rainbows and glitter. This is my second time in this rodeo, and the first time was pure, unadultered HELL. I swore I'd never do it again.

DH, however, is a completely different kind of parent than my ex, who was THE Disney Dad and still hung up on their BM. I knew exactly what to look for this time, knew what I wanted and more importantly, what I DID NOT want. DH had none of the red flags, so I went with it!

Had I seen any of those red flags, I never would have proceeded.

And no, IC, you're not an idiot. Just hopeful!

"...I find this situation to be disappointing, to say the least."

That sums up the whole stepparenting experience in a nutshell, I believe!

Well spoken.

I agree with biflexed. I did not expect to be BFFs with these kids.

I agree with Kristin in that I was stunned that BM acted the way she did. I knew she hated DH (that's ok, that's between them and they're divorced for many reasons), but I didn't think she'd bring her kids into it, or let them get abused.

I knew she wouldn't like me either. Hey, I'm an adult and can deal with that. But again, I did not think she'd bring her kids into it.

I grew up with SPs. My dad and stepdad always got along fine. My mom treated my stepmother respectfully. Thankfully, they (mom and dad) parented me, didn't involve me in adult issues and insisted I treat all adults in my life (SPs included) with respect.

I went into this not wanting to be like my stepmother, who tried to alienate me from my own mom, gossiped about my mom and me when she knew I was present, screamed at me, called me vile names that I won't repeat here, and who treats people like garbage. I still would never want to be like her to any child.

I thought DH and BM would parent their kids. They did not. That is why I feel that people who don't parent their kids need to reap what they sow instead of letting the kids and those around them suffer for it. Maybe the parents should suffer for THEIR lack of parenting. THEY caused suffering to their kids by not parenting them so they as parents should suffer too. That's why I feel that ALL of the hate we feel towards these kids should go to their parents.

People say "we knew what we were getting into." I knew things weren't going to be perfect but I had no idea that DH and BM would not parent their kids, that BM would let her kids get sexually abused, and that she'd poke fun at me for having a miscarriage. I knew we weren't going to like each other, and maybe even hate each other, but I decided to be an adult and thought she'd be able to as well. Now I believe she is mentally ill and needs help.

Don't know what I really expected. I kinda thought it would be cool. Boy if only I had found this website BEFORE I became a stepdad....LOL

LOL. This is funny and shows what a moron I was. I actually thought that since absent BM was such a POS, that SS13 would jump at the chance to have a day to day mother figure and LOVE having me in his life. Boy was I wrong.

Kid resents me, feels sorry for mom because she can't be like me, doesn't appreciate anything I do and idolizes BM.

I thought it was going to be just like my exDH's family & his 2nd wife--my BD's SM--and her step siblings. We all still get along. Send cards to each other, visit, we all take in each others kids, the in-law kids, whenever they visit any of us in the states, they always have a place to stay. Kids & Skids always came first.

With current...BOY WAS I F'ING WRONG! Until recently, was code red ALWAYS. Court, high drama, angry texts every 10 mins, insults flying, therapists, cops, lawyers, children services...it's just a trainwreck cluster f#ck. I never knew these family's existed.

Before I met DH, I had been around and practically raised a bunch of kids (often troubled) who were my kids' friends and practically lived at my house throughout their teenage years. So I thought I had the experience I needed to love someone else's kid and deal with any snottiness that came up.

I wasn't expecting to be cast as the bad guy.

I didn't expect to view SD11 as an extension of BM (I know this is not fair, but she IS alot like BM and I can't seem to shake the feeling.)

I didn't know she would be a "mini-wife." I didn't know those existed.

I wasn't expecting the constant competition or attempts to leave me out of the family.

So I was gullible and stupid, too. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to make things work in a way I can live with.

Like most of you...I thought that having a blended family would be easy.
Didnt think that their would be ANY problems, even though I hate to say it...the movies depicted it pretty accurately(there would be).
I am a BM and I assumed that BM(who is 20 years older than me) would understand what its like to be a single parent..a common thread if you want to call it that.
Nope.
Instead the Step Kids..were jealous of my daughter because we live closer to the amusement park and their mom wouldnt drive them there. SS tells my daughter(who is 4) to be quiet and stuff. SO hardly says anything when his son is being a prick to my daughter.
Oh and the best a Gold Digging BM,(how far can your finger reach up there because thats the only gold your going to find).

I'm very nervous about it. I haven't been with SO long enough to consider myself a FSM- I'm not sure just how far things will go with us. I'm here moreso to get an idea of what I could be in for. I guess I can use SO and FSS as abbreviations though.

At this point, FSS is 2 and is a sweet, adorable child. He's awesome. SO seems to expect a lot from him behavior wise, and SO's parents raised SO to be quite respectful it's possible he won't raise a spoiled brat. I also respect my SM and she respects me, my father handled that quite well. I'm optimistic at this point.

Then again, BM is due with baby #2 by father #2 here in a few months, I'm not sure how that will impact things. It could potentially change things more than I ever expected it would... hope for the best, brace for the worst I guess.

Being a SK myself I knew it wouldn't be all sunshine and rainbow unicorn poop, I just wanted peaceful coexsistance more than anything, understanding that it takes time to "cook" a blended family and that there would be times when we all wanted our own space, when we didn't like each other, when we didn't see eye to eye and needed time to cool off and discuss our differences and how we could come together and compromise.

Apparently I ask for too much, because it has been more like a battleground with DH expecting me to be instant loving super mom, SS6 acting out like a wildman raised by wolves, me expecting improvement too quickly and being unfair, my son not wanting DH to be instant loving super dad, and very little adult discussion and compromise. I remember all the drama from the beginning of my dad's marriage to my stepmom, though I was grown when they got married so it was different in the sense that at least we weren't all living together, but in my arrogance I of course was not going to have any of that drama. LOL

OMG. Wasn't I an idiot. Listen to this. When I met SO and his 3 kids I thought fantastic, the more the merrier. Then I let him talk me in to having a child of our own to cement the blended family (he is gorgeous and I love him immensely and don't regret him for a second). I sold my beloved camping vehicle (that me and my children would go camping in ALL THE TIME) and bought an 8 seater family wagon. Put the my family stickers on it - don't know if the stickers are big in the US but huge in AUS (there is 8 of us in total, me SO, my 2 his 3 and our 1). Rose coloured glasses, daisies, you name it, I had it. Within 12 months I had the 8 seater family wagon up for sale and bought myself a 4 seater convertible - LOL! Blending this family has been an absolute nightmare. You really need a very intelligent man to make this even half workable. My man has lots of muscles - LOL! Anyway, the result of me having a small vehicle is that he needs to drive his own kids around. I no longer have dreams about being one big happy family.

Honestly, I never thought about it before. I didn't start thinking about it until I was in it.

Probably for the best.