Spanking
time out
take things away

In our house, we use time outs, being grounded (1 day for each time DD talks back) and loss of privileges. Sometimes DD has the chance to "earn" time off if she completes other tasks without bad behavior. Lectures may work depending on the child's age. DD is 7, SS4 and DS1 so after a punishment is given, we try to explain the correct behavior to DD in the simplest form to her. Young kids won't listen to alot before they zone out.

I do NOT see a lecture as a successful form of punishment. Believe me, been there done that with SD18. If she misbehaved and I complained loud enough, he would agree to "have a talk with her." Pssshhh. Whatever. He'd go "plead" with her about her behavior, she would listen, then she would go do whatever the hell she wanted to do. To this day he pulls the "talk to her" crap and nothing EVER changes. In fact, it's gotten so bad SD18 and I no longer speak and she is not welcome in my house. So obviously, the lectures did not change her behavior in any way.

With my children, discipline consists of first a lecture/discussion (so they understand what they did wrong and why they are being punished) and then concrete punishment. That might be grounding (loss of TV time), timeouts in their bedrooms, extra chores to do, or spanking if the situation merits. I also do occasionally take things away for a period of time (favorite toys, DS, ipod, etc.).

Our BD8 is having problems in school and keeps getting notes sent home from her teacher (excessive talking). The first two times we just discussed the situation and BD8 promised to improve. The third time, I grounded her from TV for a day and DH did nothing. The fourth time, I grounded her from TV for two days and DH "talked to her." Insert eyeroll.

The root of discipline is "disciple" which means there is an instruCTOR and an instrucTEE involved.

The parent, it is assumed (but in today's day and age I have my doubts) is in the "instructor" role and should guide the child to adulthood every day. Teaching, training, counseling, boundaries and of course, what one most often thinks of as "discipline". . .reinforcement of those boundaries.

When you think of "self discipline" it means to be instilled with enough self restraint and thinking the "big" picture so as to be able to accomplish a goal.

Teaching children to be patient, to be able to wait for long term gratification, to follow rules/direction, to respect authority, to be amiable and perhaps most importantly NOT self-centered is what has to happen minute by minute every day of a child's life.

To me Lectures are a waste of time; My DH over talks so much and repeats himself that it almost gets exhausting.
I also find that when you talk too much the kids start to think they can talk too. I tell them that there is not a podium and if the want to debate with me then to join the debate team!! They hate when I say it but it's funny to me!!

It depends on the crime; I try to make it fit the bill; we take the girls phones often (we do a txt check every so often too)
For the boys its hard; we usually can only take outside time from them; they really don't do much more then that. The girls areEASY!!We take phones, laptops, sleepovers, dances.

I may on occasion do a quick little pat on the lips if they 5 and 10 just to let them know I heard what they said; but I really don't spank or yell.
Yelling is pointless to me; I am laughing inside because I have the last word on thier punishment.

It is hard for me to define discipline because I feel that each person and situation are different but what is much easier to define is what a lack of discipline causes and from my own situation is that it creates an individual who can not cope and has no grasp of reality.

Discipline = Having a real consquence to an action that has been previously identified as not acceptable.

The level of the consquence depends on how bad you consider the behavior.

Basically in a nutshell, "If you do XXX, then YYY happens."

This sounds so obvious and elementary but my DH, for one, doesn't seem to get that without an actual consequence, all the blah blah blah, talking to, explaining why they shouldn't do XXX, is USELESS. It's basically TRAINING them that they can do whatever they want with no consquence besides having their sweet dad "talking to them".

And to me a consequence is simply revoking a privilege they care about, like -- video games, TV, internet use, friend coming over, etc. Just revoking a privilege, and it doesn't even have to be all day or multi days, I think just making the POINT of taking it away for some period of time is enough to make a point and to have them think twice before doing it again.

But all the useless "talking to them"??? UGHHHH. Pointless and ineffective. DH doesn't get that. He just wants to/gets to be the good guy. Guess who gets to be the bad guy?

Everyone has a different idea of what discipline is or ought to be in relation to their children. A lot of people suck at disciplining their kids. I think that disciplining kids requires the SELF-discipline to follow through with consequences for unacceptable actions/behavior.

In my opinion, lectures can be part of discipline, but they are only effective if the kid actually respects the adult and sees them as an authority figure. I DO think that it's important to tell the kid WHY they are being punished, even if it seems obvious, but that can be one sentence--You slapped your brother, so no we're not going to the park today like you wanted; when you are bad, bad things happen, so don't do it again--period.

Some people don't agree with spanking, which is fine. I think the crucial matter is that lighter discipline is only something that works for a bigger authority figure. Parents with less authority cannot dole out light punishment, because it only further decreases their authority.

SO and I sat down one evening and created a list of house rulls. Most were pretty basic, keep your hands and feet to yourself no using dirty language. Others were tailered to fit specific issues that we were having with each of the kids. We also created a list of punishments below each rule. An example would be treating the house hold items with respect, couches, chairs, tables. They receive three warnings and then they loose the privilage of using any house hold items for the rest of the day.

After we created the list and punishments we sat everybody down and went over them so that way the kids knew. We then put the list on the back of the pantry door in the kitchen so whenever we needed it, it was available to view.

I do feel that for a punishment to be effective that it should fit the crime. Here are some examples of what I mean.

Rule:
No using bad words or saying mean things.

Punishment:
They have to hold a table spoon of white vinegar in their mouth for a minute and then they can spit it out.

What does this teach them:
If something nasty comes out of their mouth then something nasty is going in. You would be amazed at how effective this is.

Rule:
No stealing.

Punishment:
They will return the item taken to the appropiate party. They will also take money from their piggy banks and buy another one of the items taken and give that to the appropriate party as well. They are then grouded for the rest of the week with no after dinner treats. (This may sound a bit harsh, but this is one of the rules that we had to custom tailor to meet one of the kid's behavior.)

What does this teach them:
Was it really worth it? They had the money all along to purchase the item that they took and now not only did they have to return the item they had to by another one as well.

Lecturing does not work. SO used to go and talk to FSD(6) after he sent her to her room for a time and spend twenty minutes explaining whatever to her. I had to explain to him that she stops listening after the couple of minutes and the only thing that she sees is one on time with daddy. Which can make a child a repeat offender because she is actually getting rewarded for the bad behavior. We now keep it short and sweet, "why did you hit your little brother in the face? Your behavior will not be tolerated, you will be going to bed early tonight with not treats." Very short and simple and the kids can manage to stay focused long enough to understand what you're saying.

Discipline? I looked high and low but could not find even the slightest bit of it in my house. Apparently it is a myth like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and low calorie food that tastes good!