When Ex Punishes You w/Blackmail
Ever feel like ex is trying to punish you for something you did or didn't do while married? The fact you moved on without him? My ex was having an affair at the time of our divorce but I could not understand why he seemingly was punishing me. Someone we knew mutually said they thought it was because I did not stay with him thru his affair. I find that messed up but I do beleive that was his thought. In my reading I cam across this which addressed an exspouse trying to punish, using the children as a tool.
Quote- "The use of children as a weapon against a parent is one of the oldest and cruelest forms of emotional blackmail. There are no higher stakes. It's especially effective because of the intensity of the emotions involved. It keeps people who once cared about each other locked in a terrible battle in which everyone loses." The author writes that a perosn will do this to keep an emotional connection to the exspouse. Makes you really think, doesn't it? This is in the book, Emotional Blackmail" by Susan Forward.
Sounds a lot like my DW's
Sounds a lot like my DW's ex-husband, who is bio-dadddy to my SD17. He was cheating on DW, yet he is the one who will not let go, and has tried to punish her ever since he left. He's been gone over 10 years, and he will still not let go! Like you mentioned, he uses SD17 at every turn to create turmoil in our lives. This has ranged from suing us for custody (when he knew that he had no chance of winning) to calling up SD17 and chewing her out because she has not called him enough (which leaves us picking up the pieces because SD17 is devastated anytime her "hero" gets on to her). He also does not exerciise his full visitation, because he knows what a pain in the ass SD17 is, and wants to make sure that my DW is saddled with her as much as possible.
Ex-husband has been re-married twice since he left DW, so it's not like there was no one else in his life.
I just don't understand these people. Why not let it go and move on? Why keep tormenting the one that **you** shit on?
Ohhh yes indeed. BM here
Ohhh yes indeed. BM here blackmailed us, we could not have the kids unless we agreed to her terms. However, she did not want them iether sooooooo guess what? Yep, all hot air! We took custody so that was a non issue. Threats about age old issues fell on deaf ears too. One time on the phone she tried to blackmail me with some issue pertaining to DH and I told her to go right ahead and do her worst! I will not be blackmaild! What he did before he and I met is his business, it's ours if it affects me in any way and we are honest with each other so I am not afraid of anything she might say or do. DH has stopped listening to her pathetic cries now, not before time!!