WTF. I would refuse to talk to him under these circumstances. Just say your piece one time, deny whatever ugly thing he wants to attribute to you if it is not true, then retire to the opposite end of the house from him.

If you guys keep getting in each others face, it could progress to physical stage, then EITHER one of you could get arrested, which would be damning in a custody case. State the facts, then remove yourself honey-!

_________________________________________________________
"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)

Labeling children with these conditions and disorders is usually more about appeasing the parents, so they can have an excuse for why their children act like that. The only real purpose for labeling them is to get them the services they need, if there truly is a problem. Doesn't the therapist tell him the same things you're telling him? Boundaries and consequences? What kid doesn't need that?

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

Tell your bf to get a pair of balls! to stop using her 'sickness' as an excuse for any behaviour. Step up to the plate and be a parent. If he tells you to leave, do what you did, stand your ground and tell him , if he doesn't act as a father should and start keeping his daughter on a straight line and understand the mood disorder she has and to stop using it for any actions she does as an excuse, then he better start looking for other living arrangments and see when he would like to visit his yoru bd3.
I hate when men turn it about and accuse the gf...he makes it you against her.
Sit him down after tempers cool and look him straight in the eye, if he ever tells you to leave, you make it very very clear to him you will not be threatened and you will be the one to stay and he will leave with pisspants. (p.s if it ever comes to that...call the police and have them removed.)_

I can't help but be curious to know, with the diagnosis, what medications is SD on and what therapy is she receiving?

Good question - why are you dealing with this?

Exactly what are you getting out of this?

Nothing? Well I guarantee it's not going to get better. Why don't you accept the fact that you're wasting your time and irritating everyone involved in the process?

Wait - I didn't say it was your fault. I'm only saying you're battering your head against a brick wall and making everyone angry because of the blood spattering.

GO!

PTSD - Does this stand for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder??? Of all of the things that kid is listed as having... if I am correct in my assumption that PTSD is post-traumatic stress disorder, then I'm really sorry EBSM... but you, DH and BM all need to look at your hand in this child's development.

Here's what the National Institute of Mental Health says about PTSD... . "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat."

I don't care if someone wants to blast me for "making excuses for this little girl"... because I AM. She has been exposed to a terrifying event. God only knows what that is. Was it from the divorce? Could a divorce really make a child feel that she was in grave physical harm?

Please EBSM... I know that you have real issues with how you perceive this child to be. But in my opinion, you have got to also let some of it go, if you choose to stay in your situation. From what I read on another blog of yours.... you have decided this.

This kid needs more than meds. She needs a stable household. If you cannot help provide it for her, then ... well,... then I guess I can't tell you what to do... Eh?

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

As I read your Blog,- I FEARED for your Life --I noticed you stated that your SD 11 yrs old has PTSD. I counseled Victims of PTSD..One was a girl the same age, actually she was younger when diagnosed. She also has been diagnosed with mood disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder. oh, and adhd. And her brother,now 18 yrs old for the past 6 years I had them as FOSTER children through the STATE !
There is NO cure for PTSD- NONE- there is a therapty called EMDR that possibly can help or sometimes makes it worse. It's a special type of therapy ,almost like deprograming or wiping the brain of traumas, but NOT a cure. You can look EMDR up on Google.
This child I know "SARAH" was raised from birth in a extremely abusive household. Although she was never abused physically by anyone. Just watched severe emotional and mental abuse, from the time she was born.
The father is currently in Prison,(kidnapped the BM )when she tried to leave, BM is a Victim of severe abuse.
These children NEED counseling more then once a week. And in MOST cases, have NO conscience. They are extremely manipulative too. They will wet themselves , and some poop themselves too. That's a sign of severe continued abuse, life threatening abuse. You're fighting a losing Battle, I dount you'll win. As she your SD11 gets older it will become more severe. Remember, and this is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT,>> they KNOW nothing of living a NORMAL Life. That's all they've ever seen or witnessed or were part of, borderline severe, physically, emotional and mental abuse. I'm getting the feeling that Your BF is very abusive too. You don't want to Live this life believe me. It will only get worse. Has he tried to harm you or the children? IF he has shown any type of abusive responses to you "GET OUT" And find a place where you will be safe.DO NOT let them mantipulate you, this is very important.
I noticed you are NOT married to the BF of this child SD11. I don't know your age either. My concern is this child could hurt you physically and will THINK nothing about doing so. She could go off and KILL you in your sleep. You are NOT SAFE.!!!
Please take my advice and "get out" of this relationship now while you can. I don't know much about the BF, but he was/is just as guilty as the BM in making this child what she is today and has learned to become. There is NO FIX. NO CURE.
Am I correct that you also have a child with him? If you do, Take your child out of this atmosphere NOW. The SD 11 will destroy the other child or possibly Harm her. Your child could end up the same way, get the child away from the SD11 and her father.
The children I counseled, beat her Mother & grandmother UP, Both children have been arrested & in the court system and even tried to attack the police. She was 9 at that time. Now she is almost 13 yrs old and is a lot worse then she was when younger even with weekly counseling, both have been hospitalized too and Mantipulated the Dr's and others. She lived with the BM who never abusive to her. It was the father, who abused the entire family, they lived in a world of extreme FEAR. It didn't start right away. But he showed his ugly face and destroyed the two children and the mother. These children started showing signs of abuse at 2-3 yrs old. The Son 18 now, is also diagnosed the same as your SD11 along with ADD, ADHD, PTSD, Tourettes, & Other personality and mental disorders, Extremely verbally abusive and physically abusive. He Beat the Mother & grandmother up repeatedly too. The State has custody of him now.
A note: these two siblings are extremely intelligent children too. Gifted.test results, extremely high IQ's BOTH over 150 when tested.
Both have severe psychiatric problems and always will. I wouldn't trust them around anyone. I believe their capable of major crimes in time, they do NOT take punishments well and Blame everyone BUT themselves. Neither child has a conscience, no capabilities of compassion etc. LACK NORMAL feelings. Arguementive,very distructive too, along with many, many other things. THAT NORMAL CHILDREN DO NOT DO !!
The Girl has been MOVED from foster home to foster home due to abusing other Children when she was only 8 ( she tried to kill another child in a foster home) and Foster parents. At least 23 homes she's been in now. NO one can control her. NO punishment or counseling has helped either child.
They have threatened counselors, DOCTORS, family etc.
I am feeling terrified for you & your BD now. IF I was in your shoes, I would RUN and never Look back. And I am a counselor, with 30 plus years of PTSD experience. Please heed my warning !! Walk away while you can , someday when you look back, you'll realise you did the best thing for you and your Birth child or children. God Bless and keep you Safe!!

I don't have much to add EBSM...Except I'm sure if my SD picked out MY screenname, you and I would be twins.

Just know that I have been in your shoes more times than I care to count, and everyone around me at times blames me for SD's issues, even myself when I'm super down and out. That's when I contemplate leaving most, when I really start to buy into SD's beliefs like her BM, BM's Great Aunt, BM's friends parents, MIL, SILs, etc etc have bought into.

Part of me thinks, well I'll go and they'll either be proved right when she miraculously turns around...

or will continue to blame me after I'm gone if she still acts up.

HUGS to you. This is a most difficult road, and I am only ahead on the path 3 years. My SD was manifesting an eating disorder, self harm, borderline rages, manipulation, lying, and physical bullying before I even got here when she was 9 years old.

Like your SD, she witnessed explosive arguments, self harm threats by BM, and triangulation/aloofness etc from her mom since birth, and DH was deployed a lot. Her mom made a false claim of abuse on DH to pay him back for taking off with SD when she was only 11 mos old, to get SD away from BM during an explosive and physical outburst. DH returned to a police escort in for his things. Then he left for his parents. BM called a day or so later on BM's BDay to ask what he was getting her. She then flew across the country to his parents, showed up on Christmas Eve, handed him SD saying "She's sick, YOU take her." And left. Didn't see SD's 1st Christmas. Didn't show up at the hospital on the 26th when SD was admitted for pneumonia. And didn't see SD's 1st B-day. Imagine the neglect. No wonder my SD hates my nurturing/engaged parenting style. I am a reminder of everything BM is not.

HUGS hugs and more HUGS.

"Parental love is unconditional, relationships are reciprocal." ~Zen