Cross post: how much do you share with skids about legal process/court system?
Ever since the battle for custody started up again, the skids have been old enough to comprehend things they are told, but DH and I still NEVER EVER mention court, divorce, CO, CS, etc to the kids. We kinda feel they shouldn't have to have knowledge of the situation since they are only 6 and 8.
BM on the other hand takes a different approach. Initially I wasn't sure of the reason why there is pretty much nothing BM hasn't or won't tell the skids. However, now, I see that she tells the kids about court and CO when it either benefits her or makes DH look like the bad guy.
About 6 months, ss6 was getting into trouble at school and he told the teacher "you can't do anything to me because BM has a paper that says nobody can do anything to me, not you, not DH, not BM". What really happened is that BM did not approve of DH discipline methods and told judge, skids were terrified of DH, judge ordered no physical discipline, but still made DH CP, BM just prefers to let the kids self-discipline and got the kids to believe no one else can do anything else to them either.
About a month ago, ss6 came to me and said he "doesn't understand why DH told the court to make BM move out of her apartment". Mind you, BM was living in an extended stay motel known for illegal activities and the court granted a TRO.
Yesterday, despite BM telling DH that he is supposed to have skids for the rest of the summer after her 31 days, which is not what CO says but we decided to take it, ss8 tells us BM "told them, the court says skids have to go with DH for the rest of the summer".
And today, ss8 complained "it's been a whole month of vacation and he hasn't gone on vacation." After explaining that vacation doesn't mean you have to go somewhere, he told me "well, BM told us that we couldn't go on vacation because the court says that BM and DH can't take us out of the city, BM said the court told her that she can't leave the city until after the final court date in September". WTF?!
So I wonder what skids are going to say when we leave the city next weekend for a 1 and 1/2 week vacation.
The things BM says and does don't necessarily bother me, what gets to me is when BM uses DH or the court as the scapegoat rather than just putting her foot down. Instead of saying "because I said so", "because I'm the parent and you're the kid", or "stop questioning what I do", etc, BM says "because the court said so".
CO says no disparaging remarks about other parent or household, but it should probably mention no lies about the court either. Or better yet, don't discuss the court or the process with the kids. We're documenting all of this because it seems to me BM is trying to turn skids against DH by saying DH made the courts do this or that
That is what I figured, that
That is what I figured, that the judge wouldn't let that kind of thing fly, but DH atty has basically dismissed DH concerns and tells him to just keep documenting and atty will discuss more as court date comes up. I've never been fond of this atty, so I think I'm going to have to consult another atty friend on DH behalf to see if we can file some kind of motion.
I went and looked through the
I went and looked through the CO and it states, "it is ordered that the parties are temporarily enjoined from "making disparaging remarks...or discussing the litigation in the presence or within the hearing of the children..."
So she's in direct violation of the CO at this point by discussing WITH the children.
I definitely hope the judge is firm in dealing with this.
The BM in your life is way
The BM in your life is way out of line. The contents of the CO and anything that happens in court is NONE of the skids business. Or any bios of the step-parent for that matter.
Uberskank did this as well. She always told DH's kid what was going on. When Judge Judy (not the judges real name) caught wind of it, she dressed down Uberskank in court. Not that it did any good.
The skids should get through the divorce and custody proceedings with the most minimal of damage and should never hear about what's is going on with the parents. All they need to know is Mom and Dad love you, but we don't love each other. We're getting a divorce but we LOVE you and that will never change.
Doesn't happen very often but it should if they loved their kids so damn much that they're fighting over them.
The BM is a jerk.
Well we're documenting and
Well we're documenting and going for a similar outcome. I could probably handle BM talking bad about me, but she's exposing her children to things they are far too young to understand.
What she tells the kids
What she tells the kids should be documented and brought up in court.
You husband also send ONE email stating he is concerned about the children's mental well being because they are being told things about legal issues that children ages 6&8 should not know about, nor do they have the mental capacity to comprehend it. He should state those things in a bullet format. That way he can prove that they were said to him, and he "put BM on notice" regarding the things she is saying. It should not be a lengthy back and forth with BM. It should be short, concise, and matter of fact.
after the incident where ss6
after the incident where ss6 told the teacher "BM has a court paper" DH immediately called the Social worker who was doing our social study. Social Worker told DH "I think you should call BM and see if you can discuss it with her". DH called BM, against my advice (I think they should communicate by email or text if it's something simple like "I'm on my way with the kids"). BM denied saying anything to the skids and even told DH, "ss6 must have got that from your house".
If he's let the social worker and his atty know and addressed it with BM, even if by phone, would you think he still should send an email?
Evidence never hurts a case.
Evidence never hurts a case.
Man I wish I lived in
Man I wish I lived in Wisconsin just for a judge such as this.
I had to explain to my oldest
I had to explain to my oldest BS why I wasn't getting CS for his younger brother. (It was a school zoning issue, and the only way I could move out of the city and still let my son stay at his school). My DH's ex shared EVERY detail of their mess, including making them up as she went, with my two SD's. She was just being messy and trying to create drama that was unneeded. I gave up so much just to get away from my ex, I looked like Mother Theresa (or a huge dope) in my settlement. Even his friends told him he should consider himself blessed and let me go. Our papers say we can't call the other one crazy or say negative things to the kids, but hell, my kids know he is paper toting, self-righteous, self-serving, and mean as a snake.