Do I belive BF about CO?
Bf had his final hearing on the 23rd.
He was asking for one night switched around, so that we could have skid Mon-thur, then BM thur night-mon, instead of skid going to BM to sleep at 9pm. He also asked for 1 Saturday/ month. He asked for definite vacation and holiday plan and CS reduction.
The only thing he got was CS reduction. Which is great, but we still have the same issues at hand that make everything so chaotic.
He is angry with me that I am not happy about this.
I really thought that this final court date will bring some things written in paper such as how holidays will be divided up and such. Or things like when she is obligated to pick up the kid.
According to bf, the judge has left it up to him and BM to decide about these details.
Can this be true?
I know, I sound so un-trusting, but BF has a tendency to whitewash things to make them look better, so that I don't feel angry and he does not look like a push-over.
I really want to see the judgment on paper, can I ask him to see it? Is that too much? I have hard time believing that it is as vague as he tell me it is.
BF always shows me all of
BF always shows me all of the court documents so I don't see anything wrong with asking to read them yourself.
And as far as the judge telling them to work it out, that probably means they have to go into mediation to come up with a parenting plan. If the mediator then determines that they cannot come to a resolution, then the judge will decide and nobody wins in that case. It's not far-fetched. As far as I know, judges don't want to have to make decisions about parenting plans unless absolutely necessary. So it's probably in his interest to get into mediation and try to come to a resolution. If she's uncooperative, and the mediator notes this, it will not look favorably on her when they get back into court.
There has been TONS of
There has been TONS of mediations, the BM refuses to bring anything to the table. The judge has made this decision after 11 sessions of mediations have failed. She was uncooperative and it was noted. She was also in contept with the court too, but it seems like at the final resolution date she still got what she wanted., which is basically have the schedule stay the same because it fits her workaholic life.
I agree. The CO is really vague. What it means that we have to battle every f***n holiday, birthday and vacation with BM. And from experience, she will make this as difficult as possible. She will not respond to schedule requests, she changes things last minute and she will sabotage plans.
Bf said it would have cost to much $$$ to have the lawyer work all these details out to be enforced. God, I think he is omitting the truth to keep me from being pissed.
It seems to me that with a
It seems to me that with a vague custody order like this, it is inviting trouble. And it leaves everything to BM's fancy. This is just not good enough.
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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.
I know. I keep thinking the
I know. I keep thinking the same. "not good enough" over and over.
I mean, WHY does bf not want stability, drama-free strong boundaries protected by the law, written on a piece of paper. I don't know how someone could not want to have that peace of mind for himself and for his loved ones....
Makes me crazy, the more I want to talk to him about it, the more irritated, evasive and vague he becomes.
If you know the case number,
If you know the case number, you can call the county courthouse and get all the info you need over the phone. I have done this before. You just call and ask what decisions were made at the last hearing. You call also go to the courthouse and request copies of the current CO for a very small fee.
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That's a sneakily fantastic
That's a sneakily fantastic idea!
"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." Ziggy
This is something I have a
This is something I have a hard time dealing with as well. If you guys are there fighting tooth and nail for the kids, and mediaton clearly isn't working, they SHOULD put more specifics into place. If they don't then it leaves everything wide open for people to use the kids and withold them at a whim. Usually when a judge does this he or she is assuming that he or she is dealing with two reasonable parties who have the best interest of the children in mind. HA!
I think its within your rights to ask to see the court order. Maybe come at it from a different angle if you think it might seem confrontational? Ask him to see it because you want to be able to figure out small details or exactly how its worded. Say you want to see if the judge put tthings in a way that you could use to your advantage later when dealing with BM.. Just don't make it seem like you want to see it to prove if he's tellig the truth..
I'm sorry this happened. The court system is really crappy to have to deal with..
"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." Ziggy
leladawn said "Usually when
leladawn said
"Usually when a judge does this he or she is assuming that he or she is dealing with two reasonable parties who have the best interest of the children in mind. HA!"
Well, I think the judge kind of had an idea that BM was not quite reasonable, since she was in contempt with court. Also, the judge ordered BM to attend court assigned psychotherapy too.
So I wonder???What the hell?
What?? Yeah, that doesn't
What?? Yeah, that doesn't make sense at all then, why wouldbt the judge stipulate those things when the BM is clearly on a day pass here.
I like JustanotherSM's idea then, I think you need to see that court order, then at least you can see for sure what's really going on here.
"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." Ziggy
Look at the court order...if
Look at the court order...if he doesn't show it to you, I'd be ticked...and then check if it says anything about "standard" visitation...and check the laws for your state on standard visitation...