It is a good idea to be done. You can't care more about the kid than her own father does. If your home is the better place and he doesn't want to make that happen, that is his problem. Also be careful what you wish for - what if you had her full time? This site is full of awful stories of getting stuck with skids on a full time basis. No doubt your husband is wasting a lot of money on this too. If he takes your efforts for granted and shows no appreciation, I would point that out to him then drop the whole thing. And focus only on your own child.

I'm confused - you don't even know yet if this child is his biologically, but you want him to fight for full custody?

Don't fight his battles for him. He may not want full custody of the child. And you wouldn't be the first stepmother on here to later regret pushing him to get full custody  when the weight of the kid's behavioral issues is wearing you down a few years later.

Another ball-less wonder of a non father and non man.

smh

The whole "lets give the toxic opposition one more chance" perspective is the epitome of pathetic.  My DW had this perspective for several years regarding the SpermClan until I was able to point out that no matter what she did to placate them they were still toxic and neglected her son during SpermLand visitation.  That is when she made her focus on her rights and protecting her son from their crap her unequivocal position and they began to learn to duck and cover to avoid the pain. Even at that point she kept applying pain so that they would not forget how severe the pain could be if they really pissed her off. Dealing with them when they were whiny and pathetic was far easier than dealing with them when they were aggressively toxic. The difference between those two states of blended family opposition toxicity was effectively applying pain to keep them in contact with clarity regarding the results of their choices.

Good luck. I hope your DH can rediscover his testicular fortitude.

DH has decided that he wants has to apply for primary custody of SS10. he has been told by people that are close to BM that SS is being neglected by BM and that she is using drugs. We hired a lawyer (my idea) becasue I knew how important this was and thought that he stood the best chance of winning with legal assistance so spending $1600 was well worth it or so I thought. We finally had our court date last week, we had to drive 2 hours to the county that BM and SS live in and were there 20 minutes early. We met with the lawyer and she advised DH what may happen and that if BM didn't agree to anything a court date in front of a judge would be assigned. DH and BM were taken in to the room with the mediator and our lawyer, they were in there for about an hour and when they were coming out our lawyer was shaking her head at my DH is disbelief. I asked what had happen and DH said that he was asked if he liked to order BM to under go a hair folical drug test at our expense $200 and he said NO. Our lawyer expained to him that you cannot base a custody claim on drug useage without a failed drug test and that she didnt understand why he didn't want it. I alomst lost it! I asked why he declined and he had no real answer. I said that the morning had been a waste of yme and money since we paid a lawyer for legal advice that he clearly didn't take. My guess is and I really hope that I am wrong about this is that he and BM had a conversation in regard to the hearing prior and had already worked something out becasue we got to come home with SS10 who is now with us until August. REALLY !!! I am working from home becasue of this virus and now have to babysit a 10 year old who can't be trusted to entertain himself. I am completely done in regard to this custody joke,This is his problem now, you suspect BM of using meth and crack but don't want to pay for a drug test which should have been a sure thing as far as helping you. I don't care really, I don't want SS living with us full time, he is a pain in the ass.