Tough one. Can he possibly at least once or twice a week meet with them for dinner or something so that you can have some privacy and he still gets to see them? Honestly, I think it's a bit strange they come over all the time at that age, but whatever.

Let him know that you aren't used to unannounced visitors and see if he can talk to them about it. Maybe see if he can ask them to limit their visits to weekends, as you are both working during the week and not really up for entertaining.

Oldest SD/SIL/GS rented the house next door to us. SO was worried that would be much too close for me, but I love it. We have a system, though. When she comes over, she uses the sliding door on the game room, as that's the closest to her back door. If the curtains on drawn on the slider, she's welcome to come on in. If we aren't ready for company, we don't open the curtains.

I'm not in your situation but I used to love having the skids over. However, they lived in my house from the time they were young until just recently. Even though we have our issues I love them almost as if they were my own (I wasn't allowed to do that amoung other things I wasn't allowed to do). Anyway my point is that they get older and start their own families. Then they won't have time to be at your house everyday and if that were me and we had a good relationship, I would want them around more often. If you push them away now, you stand the chance of changing a good relationship to a bad one. Being in my position, I truly wouldn't wish that on anyone.

If I were you I'd start getting "the urge" to get frisky the minute you get home and make sure you're half undressed with your hands all over hubby about the time s/kids would be showing. Make it abundantly clear that you're extremely disappointed at this unwelcome intrusion and that the mood is totally killed. Rinse and repeat.

Nookie loss versus freeloading adult sons.

Unfortunately, you can't talk to him directly about it, that's clear. Whether the above idea or something else, somehow you're going to have to get him to realize, on his own, that a close family is nice but this is a bit much, and you've got to make him think it's his idea to get them to cut back on their visits.

Both policies are right for some of the population, but the problem is u do not agree. Ideally one should not prevail but a compromise shd be sought. Is the use of resources worse for u, or their company, or is it both equally? Mayb an idea to think of what exactly is the painful aspect then focus DH on finding a solution for that.

Use these with your TV or entertainment center.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_1_9?url=search-alias%3Delectronic...

Soon they'll be off to college, jobs, wife - whatever let Dad have his last few years.

Are you sure you're not jealous that he had a previous lover?

Heck when my mother had got rid of her 4 children and some of us returned after our college years to stay a short while whilst sorting out independent accommodation, she made it very clear that we were getting in her hair. And even visits were limited in frequency. Adult kids and skids have to recognise that they have taken it out of us and we need a break after 20 years already!

Maybe a good idea, OP, in how you put this to DH, is to ensure he realises it is not a step issue at all but a grown kids issue. Without making mean comparisons you can point to how infrequently your own son comes round and say that the reason for that is the mutual advantage it brings.

Concur. The bottom line is this issue should be treated for what it is: TWO ADULTS who are coming over without specific invitation and without restrictions - including use of your things. To put this in perspective for your DH ask him this, "If I had two close friends who came over every day, ate, hung out, used our stuff, ... would be that be OK with you?" If not, why not? I am sure he would have the same objections that you have about his kids - lack of privacy, assumption of access, etc.

Then ask him to ask his two sons the same question, "Imagine you have your own place. Would it be OK if DW and I came by every day, hung out, ate your food and so on? Of course they wouldn't want that either.

I know he will argue that these are his kids so it's different but that's where I would beg to differ with him. People are people. It's his responsibility as your husband to consider your request for limits (which is absolutely reasonable) and accommodate them. I

This is your home too, although both he and his skids probably haven't come to that conclusion yet. It's time they do.

I totally GET the whole "SKids aren't doing anything overtly 'BAD', but simply always BEING THERE is the issue".
I haven't figured my situation out yet but we are making baby steps in the right direction... I hope.
You are not "crazy" or "wrong" to want a little privacy and peace in your own home. Your H seems to connect telling them that you want some "alone time" with telling them they are not welcome in the house EVER, in some way. This is silly and as others have said, he simply is not respecting your desires to be alone or have some quiet.

It sounds like you are going to have to use some psychological "warfare" to get anything changed. Maybe it's time you go "Vegan" and have nothing but vegetables and tofu in the house, maybe your "cable is on the fritz" for an extended period of time and the Internet is down. Decide that the heating bill is too high and keep he house at 50 and wear sweaters all the time. Designate a shelf in the fridge and pantry as OFF LIMITS and keep all the good stuff on those shelves and forbid them from eating it. Insist on always holding the remote and keep it on the Oprah or Lifetime network at all times and follow them into other rooms to make sure ALL TVs are on what you want to watch, after all, they can't get MAD, this is YOUR house. Muahaha

Remove some of the comforts and see how that effects their visits, just as a test.

You don't have to be overt and make a stand or drop ultimatums, that just encourages confrontation and defensiveness, be more subtle and simply make it less appealing to spend allot of time there.