DH can't stand up to his daughters!
YSGD's birthday is next weekend. I told DH I will not be going. I'm tired of being invited to parties where gifts are expected but not to family dinners. Party is at a bounce house place same as last year. Last year was really awkward! I made this cute highchair banner for SGD's first birthday which SD asked me to do. Then she and SIL kept pushing the highchair up to the table so you couldn't see the banner. The place is tiny! You can't get away from people. DH was playing on an obstacle course with SS the whole time so I was left awkwardly stand around.
After the family Christmas dinner I wasn't invited too I have no desire to socialize with the steps. I told DH I wouldn't be going and none of my kids wanted to go either since it's the start of Spring Break they all have plans. DH says to me the last few weeks "I won't be going and hang out with people who disrespect my wife". Awesome until the kids call. OSD called this morning to see if he was going not sure what he said at first but she used the line "it is your granddaughter's party". Then DH tried the excuse "well the kids (my bio kids) aren't usually home on weekends" her response "that makes it easier for you and SM to come". So of course DH caved and said we'll probably stop in for a little bit.
I'm so annoyed! He can not stand up to them! Under no circumstances will I be going! I have told him this more then once. I'm tired of being treated like crap at events like this. I have no desire to be around DH's family and especially not around his ex-laws! I have no problem with him going but he needs to quit using the term "we" because "we" will not be going because I'm sick of their crap! I straight out told him if SD ask me I'll tell her the truth that I'm not going because I'm done!
Stick to your guns. Don't let
Stick to your guns.
Don't let them make you miserable
And don't be giving any gifts or money
I was where you are; all
I was where you are; all parties included ex-relatives, ex-wife (BM), and I ended up sitting alone and feeling very out of place; not to mention I was being treated very passive aggressively rude.
You need to do what you feel is best for YOU. I finally told DH that I didn't feel comfortable at these events. I told DH he was welcome to spend time with his kids and grandkids, but I would go only when I wanted to spend time with him and not for any other reason. This is exactly how I handle it. I take it one event as it comes around. I DO NOT buy gifts, take dishes, or accommodate any of the bad behavior; I am totally disengaged and only do what makes me and DH comfortable. It took several years to get to where I am, it is still not easy at times to say "no", but it gets easier; with that said, my DH is more understanding and is treating me with more respect.
I don't discuss it with DH or give excuses, I just say "I'm not going today, enjoy your visit". I hate DH going without me, but I hate being mistreated even more.
That's how I feel. I hate him
That's how I feel. I hate him going without me but I hate their attitude and treatment towards me even more. If I go I know I will get pissy towards DH for not calling them out on their behavior. I'd much rather not go and go get my nails done while he is gone!
I've decided "letting DH go
I've decided "letting DH go without me" is almost like an addiction, in my situation. I hate the fact that they spend time together and wondering if they are gossiping about me again. In my case, that's what had been happening for years; I was stupid enough to endure the mistreatment and wonder what I was doing wrong. I found out last year, when SD wrote me a hate email; DH had been betraying all of our private life to her, while I was at work; DH is retired. Now I'm retired and it all came out, a year ago. You guessed it, I blew up; and now it is a different world at our house!
Now I don't care what they think or say (easier said than learning to do). Therefore, letting my DH go without me is like not "touching another drink" for a recovering alcoholic. I am doing very well at it. At first I wanted to check his texts, phone calls, etc.; I forced myself to leave it alone. Now it is getting well. It is very difficult to disengage and stay disengaged; I am so glad I made the choice to do so.
I will never go back to that treatment towards me again; I will walk out and walk home, before I'll endure it another minute. DH knows this too.
".. I will walk out and walk
".. I will walk out and walk home, before I'll endure it another minute.." Okay, Sammigirl, that is a brilliant tagline and affirmation.
Good for you!
Good for you!
With my DH I just let him go
With my DH I just let him go wherever/whenever he wants to with the skids. Last year ss30 won 4 baseball tix and invited DH, ss26 and gskid7". DH offered to get tix for me and my boys so we could come along but "things came up" for me and he went alone with them. After DH got home he told me that all ss30 could talk about was ME! What I was doing wrong, how I should treat my kids differently, how I hated and dislike him (ss30) and was stealing DH away.
I couldn't believe it. I wasn't even there and yet I was the center of attention. I told DH to go spend quality time with skids and gskid, yet I am still the evil SM trying to destroy their relationship. After that I told DH to please not relay anything that ss says about me, I'm just not interested.
This week is sgs3's bday. ss26 and his family are supposed to stop by sometime today to celebrate with DH. I broke my disengagement a little by insisting that sgs3 had a cake with dinos on it, since this is his thing. I also bought ice cream. DH bought the gifts. BS needs to do some shopping today so I may not be here when they arrive. Oh well. I like the gskids but the parents have been jerks in the past so i'm pretty indifferent now about "being grandma." If I'm there then I play grandma, but I don't bend over backwards anymore. If they hate the cake and ice cream because I bought it, then good , more for me and my boys.