Every opportunity to make me feel an outsider
In DH's family, when it's someone's birthday FIL, H's sister and his daughters will phone the family member to wish them Happy B Day. They make a big deal about it.
When H and I first starting dating that was clear to me and so every birthday regardless of whether it was H's sister, H's daughters or FIL I would pick up the phone and do the same. This was expected of me from DH
H used to remind his daughters to do the same for me and often it didn't happen. No big deal. But I would continue to do this for them on their birthdays. Eventually DH stopped reminding them as they were adults. By this time, YSD did this on her own. H's eldest daughter for a while might send a text message but that was only when things were 'good' with us, then when she was in her nasty cycle nothing. Nothing and no acknowledgement for years now
Although she seems to be playing up being nice these days I notice she still just can't really do it (treat me like family that is) She knows when my birthday is as hers is only a few days after. Her lack of acknowledgement is her snarky way of reminding me that she does not consider me part of her family, doesn't like me nor value me at all in her life...this after all I've done for the ingrate over the years of course :jawdrop:
H's sister will send a text message (not a phone call as she would like to make sure I know I'm not family either) and H will make such a big deal of that :sick: not like H ever makes a big deal about me being the bigger person and calling them regardless
Well, in the last few years I've stopped going over and above for them. No way. Since H's daughter doesn't acknowledge me, I do the same for her. No phone call, nothing on her birthday (tomorrow)
H's sister will receive a text from me on her birthday. My way of saying, I don't consider YOU family either 
Meant to add it's not about
Meant to add it's not about birthday acknowledgment of course, it's the principal....just self-centred petty people they always are!
That's hilarious skeeter.
That's hilarious skeeter. What a great idea
Many sks won't ever think of
Many sks won't ever think of us as family. That's fine IMHO. I'm a sd. I wouldn't say I think of my stepmother as family.
What it seems to boil down to is treating others as you wish to be treated. That's why I acknowledge my SMs birthday. Since sd has had no problem treating you this way, she should be ok without you acknowledging her bd.
If anything, take this as a chance to be able to free yourself from having to pretend.
That's just it Anon2009,
That's just it Anon2009, while my H's daughter refuses to show the common courtesy of acknowledging my B Day and a whole lot more, she is the first to say "my step-parents have never done anything for me" and in my presence on top of it!
And yes, over the years I have done a TON for her, with no acknowledgement let alone a thank you
No...she'll be shocked that I didn't phone her and make a fuss over her on her birthday. Totally self-centered, one-sided, complete entitlement
I'm a SD too....but I did feel my step-parent was part of the family. My bio parents did come first, but my SF was appreciated and to me a bonus parent. And I always treated him with respect
For many years I always
For many years I always helped my DH plan birthday parties, dinners, etc for his kids. And every year, my birthday would roll around and I wouldn't even get a card from the SKs or even a phone call. I was lucky enough to get a text message a few days later. And god forbid his family step up to the plate and send me birthday wishes!! I finally quit signing birthday cards and have quit going out of my way to host the birthday parties.
The first few years of our
The first few years of our marriage I searched for the perfect card or present for SD's birthday. SD never acknowledged my Birthday and even became angry when DH wished me happy birthday. At first it felt like slap in the face but I let DH handle it.
Anon mentioned that she did not think of her SM as family. I hope she didn't expect her SM to look upon her as family. This was the odd thing - I wasn't treated like family but was was expected to treat her like a daughter.
Ha! I lost my birthday when I
Ha! I lost my birthday when I met my DH. My birthday is OSD's half-birthday (as she calls it) so it's no longer MY birthday, now it's HER half-birthday.............can anyone say "self-absorbed"???
That's B.S. If your DH does
That's B.S. If your DH does not acknowledge your birthday or makes a big deal out of SD's 1/2 birthday he deserves a kick in the butt. Take you birthday back.
Couldn't agree with you more
Couldn't agree with you more SA! After several years of not being acknowledged and going out of my way for 6 ungrateful adult a**holes, I refuse to do anything anymore and it all falls on DH's shoulders. Then HE gets mad then THEY get get mad - Disney entitlement my ass! I'm a person that has feelings too but apparently they forget all about that idea.
I'm really curious about where entitlement comes from. The usual scenario is - DH and the ex divorce, child support/alimony is paid, DH visits kids every weekend/holiday etc. Since my SKs are adults and separation was already in place, I seriously thought the entitlement issue was over; they're not kids anymore; I was wrong!
But since we're talking about entitlement, why can't I (or all stepmoms) feel "entitled" to respect and the same courtesy we are/suppose to show others; or is entitlement only for those ungrateful people that grace us with their presence?
What double standards!
That's just it
That's just it Sandye21...(again our SD's are so much alike!) my husband's daughter expects her step-parents to fall over backwards for her, with zero acknowledgement let alone gratitude from her, and at the same time she refuses to even acknowledge we are alive let alone treat us as family
And you could fall over until your back broke and she would still say "my step-parents have never done anything for me" :? }:) :sick:
I understand your situation
I understand your situation StepAside but the difference is, I HAVE done a lot for both my husband's daughters over the years. Certainly I have always acknowledged their birthdays, that is the least of it!
In return, my husband's eldest has been hostile, abusive, and worked very hard to destroy my marriage. Ya, I got her message. She is jealous and resentful and has never been able to get over herself enough to allow her father a little happiness. She has never learned that disgusting behaviour to kind and decent people who have never been anything but good to you is NOT acceptable
I'm glad I'm disengaged from her. I certainly have no problem completely ignoring her birthday as well. Hilarious that she will be :jawdrop: that I'm not falling all over her - wow, just can't believe some people don't get these things :? :? :?
Yup toywas...I think if maybe
Yup toywas...I think if maybe our husbands felt some of the guilt about how we have been treated that they feel for their kids as a result of the divorce, and were more afraid of their wives walking out of their lives (rather than their kids who just threaten it all the time) we might be treated like princesses too
Amen to that comment.
Amen to that comment.
My mother in law, a few years
My mother in law, a few years back, decided to send a "birthday box" with birthday gifts for the whole fam damily at once. It came a few weeks before my birthday and it had a gift for husband, kids, everyone. Oh. Except he forgot me. Which is fine. The last thing I need is a resin figurine of a cat tangled n yarn from unclaimed freight, but it was just so obvious and rude. Husband was on super thin ice with me, it came up in counseling, and he did speak to her, and a gift came a month later. A blanket for the baby I was pregnant with wrapped in Saran Wrap. I dunno. The whole thing was just weird. At that point I was just done. I'm not rude when in a room with her but I refuse to go out of my way in any way.