FDH's birthday- I'm torn
It's FDH's birthday today, I love him so much and I always try to make him feel special just as he does for me on special days. I made reservations weeks ago at a nice restaurant Downtown for tonight, taking him to a fancy hotel this weekend AND got lower level basketball game tickets for the 17th.
NO ONE and I repeat NO ONE does ANYTHING for him on his birthday, fathers day, christmas etc. EXCEPT FOR ME. Hasn't received ONE gift, a card NOTHING from his ungrateful ass kids, his parents, brother and sisters etc.
So about a week ago I was grocery shopping and I started feeling really bad that FDH is the one to call for everyone when they need something but the last one to get recognized for anything and I picked up some meat and thought I would do a little family birthday party with his mom, dad and sisters. I mentioned it to him but no one else.
New Years Day, His sister called bitchin us out about something she thought we said (we didn't it was between BD8 aand girl cousin 7, yes 2 little girls talking making up stuff to make eachother jealous or whatever) and I'm sick of their drama bullshit so I said you know what? I'm so sick of you're family and their drama bullshit I'm not having anyone over. I'm doing enough for your birthday, I'm not hosting your sickening family when all they want to do is start some drama over something that was never even said- I'm over it.
So.... Surprise , surprise SD15 calls FDH this morning and says so whats the plan tonight???? FDH says goincrazy is taking me out BUT we are having everyone over on Sunday.................WHAT???? And when I was THINKING of having his family over it wasn't until the following weekend bc we are at the hotel this weekend WTF
So bc his piece of shit kids can't plan or do anything for their dad, FDH basically sets me up to do something so his kids can celebrate his birthday????????
I'm so irritated. Let me remind you his SS is 25(not bio), SD21 and SD15 ALL old enough to do something on their own.
Question is........ Do I suck it up and do it for FDH???? Or tell him (repeat what I already said) I have done my part if Skids want a birthday party they can throw you one??? They are all broke and stupid so it would never happen AND I don't even want the stress and anxiety of having them over, I seen enough of them over the holidays. BUT I don't want to disappoint FDH and I'm feeling a little guilty I opened my big ass mouth and had a lapse of judgement and mentioned a family birthday and then took it back LOL
What should I do?? I'm leaning more towards Fuck it and let the skids not recognize him again bc I'm already spending enough and doing enough?????
Can your plans be postponed
Can your plans be postponed without you losing money for reservations that are made? Situations like this, I make plans for before or after the special day. By doing so, you take their control away when you leave them an open door for them to make their plans. Then they fail at that and look like the jerks in time for you to sweep him off his feet and make him feel special. Keep your plans and the dates to yourself so they have no way of spoiling anything.
Good luck!
Thanks, The reason I made
Thanks, The reason I made plans is bc they won't do anything. FDH isn't upset he's super happy I take initiative. I'm just annoyed that it's pretty much left on me to put something else together bc his crappy kids are too selfish
Honestly his kids are so
Honestly his kids are so selfish, they think of no one but themselves. It's sad, FDH already knows they won't do anything for him. IDK what they did in the past but they are def old enough now and still don't do anything
Thanks, I appreciate the
Thanks, I appreciate the feedback, I really am stuck and this helps. I don't want to be passive aggressive nor an asshole. FDH was on board for not doing his side of the family bc of his sisters rude phone call, I'd be willing to do cake for his kids I guess but it kinda chaps my ass that they are old enough to do something themselves and yet it falls on my shoulders......... Atleast I know for next year, I'm not saying a damn thing.
But I didn't invite them , I
But I didn't invite them , I mentioned it to FDH, his family doesn't even know anything about it, and when I told FDH I didn't want to have his family over afer the phone call he was fine. He said he didn't want their drama either. I understand I'm retracting it from him but he's not taking it that way
I'm honestly surprised SD15
I'm honestly surprised SD15 even called, I def don't want to suck it up but now FDH is going to have to throw his own party for his kids?? I really don't know what to do
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You could postpone it for
You could postpone it for when it was supposed to be. I would not change the date and cancel your plans because DH made a mistake, you could do both.
To help not be frustrated you could a) Do a potluck, have everyone bring a special dish they think DH would like b) order pizza.
You could cook meat for the potluck and assign salad, side dishes, dessert (15 yr old?) to the kids. That way you don't feel put out and kids make dad feel special by cooking for him.
Afterwards you could have a cup that everyone picks out of. In the hat are pieces of paper w/cleanup assignments for them to do for them.
Doing the dinner this way may be special for your husband without causing resentment for you.
*update* Thank you for your
*update*
Thank you for your input- I decided to be really honest and gently tell FDH that I didn't want the stress of preparing food and hosting a party for his entire side of the family after his sister and niece acted like that-as I said before he agreed with that and agreed again and said he didn't expect me too.
I offered to have the kids over for cake to celebrate his birthday and I also told him that I have no problem doing it, I want him to feel special. He said don't worry about it- he said I make him feel special and I have done more than anyone has on his birthday and kis kids are old enough to do something if they wanted to. He also said they all have my number if they wanted to work something out and he said if they make no effort why should *I* when I did my part.
So guess what? We are on the same page! I'm not doing anything and if something comes up I will make a cake and have the kids over that is all.
I am happy with this and so is FDH, I'm really glad he was able to see it without me telling him I felt the same way until after he said it if that makes sense.
I really don't think he is just saying that, whats important to me is BD8 recognizing his birthday and making sure she sure the hell doesn't turn out like that- ugh
Great! Men definitely seem
Great! Men definitely seem to be in agreement with the less is more mentality. That is one aspect of my disengagement my DH supported wholeheartedly and wished I had done from the beginning. After all, this is the stance they always take and makes the most sense to them.