First off I am sorry I keep posting forums but I am so in need of you guys right now and so thankful for all the have reached out.

Today, I decided to take my BD's 8 and 3 to ride horses. I have a girl that lives in another town that teaches them how to ride. They both absolutely love it and this girl loves teaching them. Anyways I had to take them by myself as DH had to work late. All day I had been worried because she lives a half hour away and out of town. Well I did it! I had no anxiety for the FIRST TIME in 2 years!!!!

While there, I took some time for myself. I love the country and we live in town so while the girls were getting their lessons I walked around the land taking pictures of the girls riding and also just having me time. I picked apples, pet the cats and dogs, and even had another horse and a donkey following me around (I am sure due to the apples I fed them haha). At the end I didn't even realize I had anxiety and I found myself brushing the horse and petting her and the donkey. It was such a relief of stress that I drove all the way home with NO panic! No anxiety! I know silly but this is a BIG step for me.

My 8 year old said "look mom you made it" I almost teared up but then we noticed a rainbow and I pulled over the car so we could all just look at it and admire the beauty. Its like I forgot there is beauty in this world. Spending the time with MY children, the animals, and seeing the rainbow made this world feel beautiful again to me for the first time in 2 years. SD19 NEVER crossed my mind either.

So thankful that this girl is teaching my girls once a week and has gotten to know us fairly well and loves us coming out there. I even took some apples home with me. Such a great evening. I had to share. For those who have read my posts you know why this means so much to me. I hope I can have more days like this. I really loved it.

Thank you for reading. :)Also thank you for those that commented on my anxiety and panic forums, I have learned so much from you and it feels nice to have someone reach out that knows what I go through. No one in my family can relate to me and my anxiety/panic disorder that may have PTSD with it and from the sounds of it agoraphobia. (all caused by issues with being a step parent to an evil one.)