SS chose to stop contact with us 2 years ago, he wrote us both very nasty emails about how we had done him wrong and told us we would never know his daughter as our grandchild. Husband has tried and to reach out to him and just recently SS started replying to emails.

Husband and I went to counseling for what happened with SS. Counselor told us she felt the anger the boys (there are 2 SSs) had towards me was misdirected and was actually unresolved issues with husband and his ex over the divorce but I was a convenient target. She said I would only continue to be the target for their blame no matter the situation. She said the only way to stop the target was to remove myself and have no more contact with the boys which I did. I never responded to the hateful emails. She encouraged husband to contact the boys to work thru the issues that have in hopes that would help everyone. So husband is trying to plan a get togetehr with his son before Christmas and wants to take our 15 year old, the only child we have together. I am having soem very mixed feeling about this.

I can see her logic and at this point she is probably correct. The thing I foresee happening though is the divide will be become permanent instead of the boys just working thru their issues and resolving what they need to with their father. I think what was lacking at the forefront of our marriage and from his ex was a good portion what created the disrespect from the boys towards me. My approach with my daughters from my first marraige was to get along with my ex's new wife and I let her know that she had the right to disapline my kids and I never played into them wanting me to side. If they complained about her, I logically helped them thru but I called her out on nothing and I never told the kids that the reason she did what she did was because she hated them like husband's ex told the boys. I also never allowed the girls to disrespect husband and if I heard raised voices I always checked it out to make sure the girls were not talking back to husband but husband did allow this of the boys which showed them they could treat me as they wished and not have to pay the price for their actions. And that is how I see this all playing out with husband visiting with his son. I had mentioned to to him many many years ago that I felt the boys would take great pleasure in tearing us apart and in a sense I feel like they have won. They didn't have to respect me. Now I am butting out just like they always wanted which works well for them and they will never have to pay for the hurt they left behind. He was able to blast off with hurtful emails, never apologized for his actions and he gets his dad crawling back in his life begging for a relationship. Looks to me like one little boy (29) has alot of control that he does not deserve. And I know that nothing will be said because husband will want to try to work on building something with him rather then addressing issues and him running again. But I wonder if husband will ever be able to rebuild the relationship with him to actually to to a point where you could confront the past and by then the incident is way past gone and there would be no need for addressing. You see where I am coming from here?