Husband's 45 year old daughter insulting and disrespectful to me
My husband's 45 year old daughter said some extremely rude and insulting things to me and about me just before Christmas.
I told my husband that he needed to tell her that wasn't acceptable, which he did, but it didn't stop her. She continued private-messaging insulting things about me to him on Facebook.
Trying to be the bigger person, I told her that we should try to get along, for her father's sake. She said okay, but she didn't apologize for any of the things she had said.
Then I wasn't invited to the Christmas get-together at her house, and there were no Christmas gifts for me this year, even though there have been in the past. (It's not that I want a gift from her; it was just obvious that this year there were no gifts, and it was clear that I hadn't been invited.)
When I mentioned these things to dh, he told me, "Oh, she'd never do that. She's not like that."
Oh, yes, she IS like that, and she DID do that, but he can't see it.
I told dh this morning that I don't want her over here at my house, and I don't want any more interaction with her whatsoever.
If she had apologized for the things she had said, I would have gone on and tried to have a normal relationship with her, but it just bothers me a lot that she thinks she can talk to me and about me like she did and nobody will say anything about it.
Since my dh and I have been married, his daughter and I have never been each other's favorite people, but we at least managed to get along. After seeing her true colors, I just don't want to deal with her anymore, but I don't know if I can realistically tell dh I don't want her in my house.
Is there a better way to handle this?
No, she has no leverage over
No, she has no leverage over me. I think she thinks that she can treat me however she wants and I'll just let it go, but she is incorrect.
She was very sneaky with what she said because she first made rude remarks to me via private Facebook messaging, then she immediately deleted them before I could get screenshots to show dh, so she certainly knows what she's doing.
It was only after my husband told her (again, via Facebook private message) that he didn't want her talking to me like that, that she continued on insulting me to him.
He commented to her the first time only to placate me, but didn't really call her out strongly for her disrespect and insults.
^^^THIS!!!^^^ Four years ago
^^^THIS!!!^^^ Four years ago I went through the same thing with SD and her husband. I put up with her rude, sadistic behavior for over 20 years, tried and tried to let things slide. It worsened with each year that went by. I honestly believe if boundaries had been set much sooner, the 'situation' would have not escalated to the point of banning SD from my home. You are lucky - at least your DH stood up for you. Mine didn't. I DID give him an ultimatum: He was to inform SD that she is to respect me as his wife in my own home or she would not be allowed to darken my doorstep. He has chosen not to do this. I agree with other posters that you can not 'make' someone do anything but as notasm wrote, I truly believe I have the right to be respected in my own home. Period. And the more time that passes, the stronger I feel about it.
DH can visit his daughter whenever he wants (except the day of a holiday), just not with me.
Your SD continued to be emotionally abusive to you even after your DH asked her not to. Block her from your Facebook account and allow her in your home only if she will be respectful of you.
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Yes, we were sitting at our
Yes, we were sitting at our computers and dh was telling me what she was private-messaging him on Facebook.
If I hadn't urged him to say something to her about her rudeness to me, I'm sure he wouldn't have because he hates making waves, hates confrontation, and especially hates to do anything to upset his daughter.
This whole thing started over a huge tv she bought for her father that is way too big for our small house. I have a thread on it around here somewhere.
Her claws came out, and she started telling dh that I "have problems", "am jealous of her", and a bunch of other stuff.
I had to laugh because, believe me, there is NOTHING about her that I'd be jealous of. She fancies herself to be a hardcore Harley biker chick, and proudly wears her hat that has "Bitch" outlined in sparkly silver studs.
Oh, well, like all of you have said, I don't have to invite her over to my house, and I won't anymore.
This is what I've done with
This is what I've done with my skids. No longer allowed in our home. Only people who care for and respect us both, are welcome here. You don't have to have a disrespectful person in your home! Good for you!!
I took screen shots of the
I took screen shots of the nasty Facebook private messages she sent to me and kept them in case I ever need to prove how disrespectfully she talked to me. This way she won't ever be able to deny what she said.
I then unfriended her on Facebook. I don't care to see what she posts anymore.
She called looking for her father this morning, and had her fake little friendly voice on. I told her he was gone; she asked me to have him call her; I said I would, then I said bye and hung up. I wasn't rude, but I didn't figure I needed to act all "syrupy" with her either.
When dh came home, I reminded him that I don't want her over here when I'm home. He doesn't like it one little bit, but I just don't want to have to deal with her.
I also told him that from now on, I'm no longer going to be the one that buys birthday cards for her, reminds him of what day her birthday is, etc. If he can't remember himself, or doesn't take care of it himself, I guess she'll just not get a card.
At least I no longer have to pretend I like her, like I've done since dh and I have been married. That's kind of a relief.
"At least I no longer have to
"At least I no longer have to pretend I like her, like I've done since DH and I have been married. That's kind of a relief." Ya, I know the feeling! It's VERY liberating. Like a breath of fresh air. You'll be surprised how much of a positive difference this makes, living with the 'real' you.
Does SD call often? If so can you just let the call go to voice mail? That way you won't have to be bothered with her fake friendly voice. And good for you for informing DH you are no longer going to be his 'social secretary'. it's his responsibility anyway.
Quit worrying about telling
Quit worrying about telling him realistically that you do not want the Toxic Spawn in your home. Tell him literally. Daddy needs to man up and get his spawn in line.
45 and she is still doing
45 and she is still doing this stuff? Crazy!!!! I had a somewhat similar situation from my SS's wife who I had never met. They were expecting, I had been in touch by email asking when baby was due, I was told a month but no date. I asked if her mom was coming for the baby's birth and she was. I work, still have a child at home so I am busy with life, time passes and in the third week of the month I asked husband if he heard whether the baby had been born yet. He fwd me the email from his son, the baby had been born 10 days prior, husband had not said a word to me. I ask him why not and he tells me that he was hoping his son would contact me. What? Feeling bad I sit and write her a quick email congratulating her, I let her know that I just found out. She comes back and attacks me, called me a liar saying that there was no way my husband had not told me before now. She said I was a terrible person for not being there when the baby was born, said she wanted to have nothing more to do with me. I could not believe it. Several months pass and I am trying to be kind to this person who went off on me, trying to make a connection. We meet and she acts like she is my best friend, kisses me on the cheek. Whow, what in the world? So asked for help with little girl's birthday party. We lived about an hour away and I figured I could take off work to help with this party. I was just getting ready to tell her this and I receive an email that they decided to wait so that SS's bio mom could attend the party. All well and fine, that is their choice but she and I do not get along. We were not invited to their wedding and SS told us it was because of BM yet they want us in the same room? No, just not doing it!! Honestly, I felt this was intentional......they know how SS's mom feels about me....why would you do this? I tell he that it is not a goo idea for us to be together and I ask if we could just drop off gifts before bio mom arrives. Holy mackerel, talk about the crap hitting the fan....again, another attack and this time from both SS and his wife saying we will never know their child as our grand child, what terrible parents we are, etc etc. Several raging emails which my husband told me to ignore. She/they never apologized and I have not seen any of them since. That was it for me. I have no idea what her deal was but I was done and not willing to play her games.