I took charge!
I sat down with my SD19 and told her that I think she is having a hard time adjusting here in a new state. I said I think her anxiety is holding her back and that she should make appointments to see a new therapist weekly. I told her I want to see her happy and get out and enjoy life! I think consistent therapy will help her overcome all this social anxiety she has. Well she didn't say much, basically started crying and her only response was she is not a social person. I said it's ok not be social. I said but don't you want to be happy and see what life has to offer here? There is so much to do and see where we live and she sits home every damn night and day (unless she is working or going to class). Like normal people go to the mall ,get coffee or go to the gym by themselves. If these are hard to do, then you need help..
I think my talk helped a bit because this past weekend is the first weekend she actually left the house on her own to go out and about. Amazing! Of course my H wants to take most of the credit because he has been pushing her too. Yeah well I finally had it.
If she wants to not socialize and not have any hobbies or activitites that is her choice but I do NOT want her imposing herself on my plans and things I want to do alone with my young children and my H. She is in college and should be with her peers and wanting to spend time with others her age. I don't get it.
My family of 4 is taking a small get away in about a week and I think she is secretly pissed that she is not invited. Well that is on my H. I need alone time with my family unit of 4. It has always been just the 4 of us and her coming into the mix has fucked things up.
Vent done!!
Congratulations on your
Congratulations on your upcoming family trip.
You may have done the greatest favor to date for this young woman. Combined with DH's pushing her in a similar direction this may just motivate her to launch.
Enjoy your trip.
Introversion is not an
Introversion is not an illness. If she is able to go to school and work she is fine. Leave the poor girl alone. Your SD is probably wondering why you are so obnoxious.
She has anxiety. She has had
She has anxiety. She has had several anxiety attacks one being at school where her professor had to escort her to the next class. Yes I’m understanding that not everyone likes to do things and prefer to sit at home constantly. Fine but do not intrude on my social plans and schedule
She needs to work on her social anxiety and communication with adults.
There's an argument to be
There's an argument to be made for taking the lead in certain step situations. Each step dynamic is unique, with no one-size-fits-all solution.
While the best practice is for stepparents to remain detached and play a support role only, I've said before that in cases where we recognize our SO is incapable of handling the issue, it may be necessary to handle the business. This is affecting your life, occurs in your home, and is costing you money because your H is paralyzed by guilt and fear.
Sounds like you did what was right for your unique dynamic. Tread carefully, and let your H take aallll the credit as you win in the end.