HEll no. Kick them to the curb. I would be gone...I actually have it in the pre-nup, that DH or I will not be responsible for any grandchildren....This is the drama that I see in my future with my SD15. BM lets her do whatever she wants and when she is out of control, she will probably send her back to us. I am out of here if that happens...

Get your life back, take your daughter and leave.

I would stop immediately doing anything for them. I would definitely only cook enough for my dd and me. If your dh wants his son and his family there-then he can cook for them, he can do laundry for them. I would go so far as to hide the toilet paper so that only my dd and I could use it. I am just an immature biatch like that though. It sounds as if you've given your best effort to talking about things, setting boundaries, and you've been ignored and walked over. So now is the time to take action-if they have anything of use in their room I would also go and use how ever much of it I like. I wouldnt do the dishes-perhaps I'd take all my meals out and buy some snacks and put them in a lockbox at home. Maybe get a small fridge for my bedroom and put a padlock on it. And then I'd just be a big bitch to everyone buy my dd.

Disengaging was the best thing I ever did for my marriage.
We had sd and her husband live with us for six months. No baby but they each had full time $40k ish per year jobs. They didn't do Jack around the house. Used our laundry detergent, food, tp, you name it. Tok over the tv remote, never washed their own towels or cooked a single meal for us. They Never paid rent and then they tattled every chance they got on my dd19 who lived on her own paying her own way working two jobs and going to school. (saw her out with friends at a bar etc)

As long as daddy sees you taking care of everything life is good for him. As long as you keep trying, any issues will be your fault because you're the only one complAining.

I decided I was done.
If they're not at dinner when its on the table, they don't eat.
If they don't eat wih the family there's no food in the refrigerator for them to eat. Keep it frozen or locked up in your room of u have to.lol.
If they don't do laundry they wear dirty clothes. If they don't speak you don't speak.
Take your dd and dh out for picnics and outings, don't include skid
Projects around the house for dd and dh to do, not them.
Stop caring, eliminate any expectations. Be happy with your family and eff these little idiots.

If all that doesn't help, have a couple extra margaritas one night, and come home with no holds barred. Yell scream cuss out your dh for the pieces of shit he raised with the bitch ex. And let him know everything loud enough that anyone in their right mind would pack up and move out before facing that wrath in the morning.

It can work.

It's time to bring the gravy train into the station. You and DH need to set a timeframe for them to get out and tell them the date, if not they'll be there the next 5 years because they have no real incentive to leave. Have a family meeting to let them know what your plans are. Stop cooking meals for them or doing laundry for anyone other than DH and BD. DH's statement about "not being able to force the issue" regarding the rent is ridiculous. The bigger issue is SS needs to learn to live below his means so he CAN afford the rent. But he doesn't really have to because he lives w/daddy. What's going to happen in the real world?

DH has enabled his son and he's not doing him any favors. Nothing is going to change unless DH steps up and holds his son accountable. He should be learning self-reliance, but instead he and his gf are learning how to take advantage of others.

Tell DH you're at the end of your rope and if things don't change soon, you and BD are moving out. Put your foot down to this nonsense. SS created a baby now he needs to man up and get out and support himself and his family and stop depending on and mooching off you and DH. If things don't change, you're only going to get more miserable. You have to get DH on your side and make him see what that this is destroying his marriage.

Stay encouraged, and good luck.

Ha! I stopped cleaning the house for a whole week. My DH works overnights and his kids sit around all day and don't do anything. Well when he came home, it didn't really bother him at first but then by the third day, our house was a DISASTER. Ha! I loved it. I felt so free not cleaning up after everyone. It was bliss. Later that week his SD was made to clean more. However, they have gone back to not helping but that week was well worth it!

I'm glad you're putting your foot down. Good for you. Once they know you mean business, they'll have to get their stuff together. Moving isn't optional, it's mandatory. Since DH won't stand up you'll have to. Take your house and your life back. It's time to grow up.

My SD (27) was also enabled and accomodated by my DH. She once told him "our washer" no longer got her clothes clean. A few days later DH told me "he went to look at new washers." I told him under no circumstances were we buying a new one until the old one stopped working. On another incident, someone hit SD's car and she had to pay a large deductible. DH wanted to give her back her rent money. I told him over my dead body. She's getting married next year. If she weren't only God knows how long she'd plan on staying here with us.

Enabling cripples adult children. My DH is finally starting to see the error of his ways and is now embarrased because SD doesn't can't do the simplest things at almost 30 years old . . not to mention she still lives with us. But DH does accept the blame and wishes he'd been firmer. I keep reminding him that the world isn't going to accommodate her or kiss her behind. It's truly pathetic.

This is exactly the kind of foolishness I'm taking about. They were too lazy to put their own clothes in the dryer. Or perhaps they forgot. Oh well. Under no circumstance should DH have washed them again. He should have left them to teach them the lesson. And gf only works a few hours a week. How difficult is it to FINISH your laundry?

When you're not paying for utilities, you simply don't care. I too would let SS know I saw the bank statement if necessary. Do whatever you have to do to show them you mean business. Once you get execute your strategy, you'll feel much better.

OMG! This could have been me last year. SS24 asked dh & I if his preggo gf could move in with us (we were cramped and strapped for cash already). Before DH could answer, I piped up and said hell to the no. I do not want another woman in my house, messing around in my kitchen, touching my shit. I also told him that I do not want a newborn in my house (dh & I have paid our dues on the baby raising). SS24 then said something like, well women love babies. I said no, women love THEIR babies. End of conversation. I think I kinda pissed dh off, but I do not care. If I had left the decision up to him, we'd be supporting 3 extra people right now. Fark that!!! SS is 24 freaking years old...he can figure it out.

If I was you, I'd start looking for an apartment...asap. You're too good for that life.

This sounds hauntingly familiar.

DH has kids in their upper 40's and both act is if they are only children. DH strips the sheets, washes, dries and makes up their beds. Why can't THEY DO IT? It's not that hard. Put a load in the washer, go entertain yourself, put it in the dryer. I thought I would make things easier by purchasing new sheets, washing, drying folding and placing them in Rubbermaid containers beneath the beds. That way if they "didn't have time to wait for the load to cycle" then they could AT LEAST put the fresh sheets on the bed and leave, which would mean we would only have to do the laundry, not make the bed. I told DH at this point if they still refuse to make the beds, then it's a total "in your face, I don't care" ordeal. Nothing has changed.