if you knew then what you know now...

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My question is if you knew then what you now would you still marry/date your other half? If you knew all the grief step kids would give you, and all the fights it would cause in your relationship, the effects they would have on your bio kids would you still make the same decisions?
My co-worker today said in ten years I will realize that I settled for my fiancee. While we have had our fights over step kids and the age difference has effects on our relationships I feel he is worth it. So I guess I am curious after reading a lot of these posts about years of hell from step kids and the effects the stepkids have on bio kids if I am making a mistake from strictly a logical point of view.
From a emotional point of view I feel that whatever happens we will deal with it and become stronger. I love my fiancee and he makes me happy.

I am with you. I love my

I am with you. I love my husband so much and yes his precious kids have made my life HELL!! Have they had an effect on my bio kids...I am sure they have. But my kids won't be like his because my kids weren't around the same "wonderful" influences his girls were. Eventually those kids will move out..sooner then later I hope and things will be normal. My SD17 moved out in November and my life has gotten a little easier. Sadly its SD13 who has made my life total HELL. But my mom always tells me to focus on my kids and know that she too will move out soon. So I decided that on weekends when SD13 is at her moms and I am way less stressed, i am going to spend some real quality time with my kids. I look forward to the summer because she will be gone most of it. 6 weeks straight which I sooo can not wait for. My husband has made alot of mistakes in our marriage and continues to but I made a vow "for better or worse" and well it don't get any worse then this..so here I am

If I knew then what I know

If I knew then what I know now would I still marry him -- no. Sad to say I would not do it again. My DH has four children -- daughter 16, son 17, son 20 and daughter (monster) 21. He is wishy washy with them. He parents totally different than I do. He can't set boundaries and stick with them. They run all over him (and me). They are disrespectful -- mostly the oldest daughter. She is a nightmare. The other three are pretty good for the most part -- but the oldest daughter is a nightmare, and he let her move back in with us -- and has been absolutely awful. So knowing what I know now, I wish I would have stayed single and stayed right where I was. I was much happier.

My husband is a good man -- he is kind and good to me, other than letting his oldest daughter treat me like crap. Believing all of her lies, etc. I do love him, and the other three kids. I have a daughter who is 17 -- and she is great. . I often worry that I made a mistake by doing this and wonder how this is affecting her. Thankfully she is a pretty easy going young woman, smart and self confident.

But I can't do it over -- so I just deal with it, and try to find the good in each day. I've disengaged from the oldest daughter. I can't wait until she moves out. Can't come fast enough.

I would have to agree with

I would have to agree with you. I love my husband but i am not sure i would make the same decision now. Back then i was 25, he is 11 years older and his kids were 10, 12 and 13. Right off the bat the oldest daughter did not like me, saw me as a threat. She and the oldest son did not want to deal with rules so moved back with BM after a few years and hubby and I raised the youngest for about 10 before he moved back in with mom too. It was alot of fights and sleepless nights. All the kids had issues from previous marriage and I was so young at the time it was hard to figure out what was right or wrong. I am not making excuses, we did the best we could. BM was out to lunch, very self involved and was not involved in anything. She never worked, welfare, a huge mess. All i can say is i ended up picking up alot of slack and not getting much in return.

The two older kids now have the most baggage. They really are extremely self centered and entitled. It is sad but really a product of thier environment. I had to put my foot down and be the "bad guy" when it came to money and enabling them. So needless to say they do not like me very much.

Surprisingly enough, the youngest who lived with us for 10 years and had the most problems now at 29 really has gotten his act together. We had to really have strong boundaries and now my husband, I, he and his new wife get along very well with each other. He now knows after all these years that i actually tried to help and not hurt. Gave me a very sweet mothers day card which made me cry. So that is the one gold lining after all these years. It was alot of giving and not very much getting.

If I knew then what I know

If I knew then what I know now.. there'd be no way in hell I'd be with "DH". He's too self centered.. and SD is put above everyone else. The only good thing that has come out of our relationship is beautiful DD3months & our perfect pittie Jade.

I am really sorry to hear

I am really sorry to hear that bellekozy, Atleast a daughter came out of it. I wonder if i'll ever have kids even. I am not sure about wanting kids, but I may not have the choice. My fiancee is older and has already raised 5 stepkids...so his view on more kids is iffy. my dog is definently a great product already (which I will get if we ever split).
I see the "for better or worse" view point. I am not married to him at this point and i am not sure if we ever will legally. We are both divorced and marriage (legally) is a scary idea. I'm not saying i wont consider ourselves together "for better or worse" eventually, but I won't stay in a realtionship that doesnt make me happy or if my choice to have kids is challenged.
I kind of feel bad when I have the thoughts of ending it due to possible future problems. but I guess it is a common thought.

I always believed that if

I always believed that if myself and my partner didn't want the same things out of life and our relationship, then we weren't ment to be. Nobody should have to sacrafice their hopes and dreams for someone else!!

I am not sure if my partner

I am not sure if my partner wants what i want since I dont know what I want...So far we have no differences in wants. The kids issue is something we have to wait on to figure out. I am graduating college soon, want to start a career, and maybe buy our own place before I have kids.

That is definitely a good

That is definitely a good plan. If you can stick to that, I give you props! Not many people think about that before having kids and the kids end up suffering because minimum wage just doesn't cut it!!

I used to think I'd never do

I used to think I'd never do it again. All the hurtful things his kids have done can never be undone... then I disengaged last October and NOW the change I'd make is not to have ever tried to engage in the first place. SKIDS will never be nice, appreciative or grateful people who are pleasant to be around. If I'd never done anything for them or had any expectations of acknowledgement or thanks or common courtesy, I wouldn't have been hurt all those yrs.

If I could do it all over again I'd prefer my husband with no kids.

I would definently prefer my

I would definently prefer my fiancee without step kids. The step kids arent even my stepkids, they are his...so does that make them step-step-kids? I have already disengaged, but I worry about things that will happen later that they will cause. I know its pointless but i cant help it. I worry about step grandkids and weddings...stupid things that I cant control. I just have to believe my fiancee will do the right thing or say the right thing if a issue comes up.

This. If I had not tried to

This. If I had not tried to engage in the first place, I, like you, would have spared myself years of frustration.

I am new to all this...what

I am new to all this...what does ssil, ds, and sp mean??

sil = sister-in-law ds = dear

sil = sister-in-law
ds = dear son
sp = step-parent
A lot of the abbreviations are listed in the F.A.Q. on the left hand of the screen under the Menu. They confused me at first too

Ssil is my step son in law...

Ssil is my step son in law... Step daughters husband
Sp is step pup. Read my other blog about sp

If i have kids i want to make

If i have kids i want to make sure its something i can do and want to do. I see all these kids in the store i work that act like monsters and I think to myself why would I have some of those...or I hear horror stories about what pregnancy can do tou your body. At this point the idea of being that selfless (ie giving my life up for a child) is a hard thought to process.

It changes your life,

It changes your life, definitely but it is one of the most amazing things you will ever experience. Those kids you see acting like monsters are usually like that because of their parents. I have 4 bio (5, 6, 8 and 10) and they are pretty good when we go out. It is really hard sometimes but they were my second chance, they gave me a reason to live and I don't know what I would do without them..his kids? well thats a totally different story

I worry that my fiancee wont

I worry that my fiancee wont want to be a parent again. He says he has less paitence now and worries about his age playing a factor. I would like to give him a chance to raise his own child.

Children are a product of how

Children are a product of how they are raised... in the right environment any child can thrive as a wonderful individual.. All of SMs' problems with the skids are the biological parents (& other relatives sometimes) faults. Biological parents need to step up and be adults and quit having guilty daddy syndrome or guilty mommy syndrome.

I used to be the same way... until I held DD... now I'd kill myself to protect her... It's an indescribable bond you get when you hold them for the first time.. I never thought I had it in me to be a parent before that moment.

HELL to the NO!!!

I don't know if I'd do it all

I don't know if I'd do it all over again and the sad part it's not because of the skids. My MIl & SIL have made my life hell. Of course they influenced the skids and their behavior.
But I love my DH and our bios. He's an incredible father and it's so obvious that he's not taking this round of child rearing for granted. He's also a good husband - he's not perfect - as my mom always tells me - your father wasn't perfect either it took me 30 years to get him this way. But when I need him he's there and he's supportive - when I ask for it.
He's made major mistakes in dealing with his mother & sister and allowed that to affect us but all in all - it's for better or worse and my worse is no where near as bad as some of the stories I read on here. Since I'm here I figure I might as well as stick it out! My skids are gone, SS is almost 23 and pretty much only comes around when he needs $$ but we have none so DH & I are on the same page. DH actually allowed SD to be adopted by her SF who has basically raised her. So it's really just us and our 2 and right now life is good.

MIL?? Oh yes I have a lovely

MIL?? Oh yes I have a lovely one of those who has made my life HELL!! She totally babies my SD13 and SD17 and ALWAYS has. SD13 is a sympathy whore and MIL just feeds her sypathy cause SD13 is always lying about me. SD17 moved out (thank god) and I will be SOOOO glad when SD13 moves out and it is just us and my kids...my youngest is also my husbands.

i would because my dh and i

i would because my dh and i have a GREAT relationship, and the only times i have to put up with his kids (the oldest mainly) is eowe and some holidays and summer...overall they are not bad kids....just teens trying to rebel and see what they can get away with, they all go through that and i also know in 5 what seems long years now, will actually fly by and eventually they will be able to open their eyes and see for themselves who mom AND DAD really are. and base their opinion's on that

NO. Did I think I was

NO. Did I think I was getting married to Mr. Mom? No. Did I think I was going to be a stepmom to twins that rule the roost? No. DId I think skids would live with us 24/7/365? No. Did I think I'd be raising a husky? No. Did I think I fear for my life if I pissed ss off? No. Did I think my sex drive would totally disappear thanks to DH's disneydad antics? No. I never thought that. Practically the minute you say I do, they don't.

If I had known what I know

If I had known what I know now, I would have never married DH. I have weathered lies, immature, mean-spirited SD, 'Guilty Daddy' syndrome, tantrums and sex that leaves a lot to be desired. I have to admit he HAS changed for the good - but a little late.

"I would only repeat because

"I would only repeat because DH values me, we work together, there are boundaries and hierarchy within the family and he sees through all of the treachery and deals with it all directly and decisively."

Same here. I married a wonderful man and father who has three though still quite young, very well-adjusted kids that WE are raising. We get compliments from teachers, friends, distant family all the time about what good kids they are. I think if we can continue to work together as a team and weather the teenage BS, we'll be just fine.

From being on this website and seeing all of the drama the skids and BMs are allowed to inflict, I've realized it all stems from the DH. If his priorities and conscience are all screwed up, it's an uphill battle.

No, no, and NO.

My question to all of you who

My question to all of you who say NO...then why are you still with them?? If its that bad then why still be with them??

Money - he would be getting a

Money - he would be getting a lot of the money I worked hard for and saved while he didn't. But for the most part, and most of the time he's a nice man.

nope.thought i would but no.i

nope.thought i would but no.i wouldn't.

Good question. I love my DH.

Good question. I love my DH. And in the big scheme of things my Skids aren't that awful so..YES, I would do it again. He's a wonderful man & my life is wonderful because he is in it.

No, I would not do it again.

No, I would not do it again. I would never get involved with someone who has kids - it just makes things 100% harder. You have to deal with the skids, the BM, the feeling of being #2 or 3 on the list. I am still with DH because we have kids together now and it is worth trying to make things work for them.

Leave you ask? Still have a

Leave you ask? Still have a glimmer of hope that 1) DH will change 2) BM will change - and/or resume 1/2 custody, 3) Skids not change, gotcha there huh?, but disappear via growing up or moving fulltime w/BM or they (BM & skids) pass on. Saved the best for last.

I have to agree with

I have to agree with steptwins on her post... and for me I'd have to add that I gave up everything & married the military.. which means I'm halfway across the country with NO way to get home without letting "DH" know that I'm using his bank account to leave.

I have to agree with

Yes, yes, yes and yes

Yes, yes, yes and yes again.

She is incredible and so is our son (for the most part).

Being her husband and my Skids "dad" has been the most rewarding aspect of my adult life.

Dealing with the SpermIdiot and the SpermClan has been a challenge periodically but once I chose to enjoy the process of barring their idiot asses every opportunity they give I actuall came to enjoy beating them back under their rock when they made the stupid decision to try to come out.

I have no BKs so part of your question does not apply in my life.

Committing to your SO, building a marriage together and being a better parent to your Skids than your Bio equivalent could ever be is an amazing process. Not without its challenges, heart break and some regrets occasionally but well worth the effort IMHO.

I saw red flags when we first

I saw red flags when we first started dating because he was so protective of his relationship with his daughters and I was the part-time girlfriend. If I had known now what I didn't know then, I would have definitely DATED and shopped around. I might have actually found someone better or a better situation.

If I had known now what I didn't know then, and I was still in a relationship with him, I wouldn't have reacted the same way that I did to his adult brats and their sociopath BM, or the narcissistic SIL. For now, I'm disengaged from all of the nuts in our family, and our relationship is becoming the "normal" that it always should have been. It's hard to even believe we are still together with as much garbage all the bitches combined have created (SD's/BM/SIL's) in our life. Funny, cause none of them think it is really "our life" they believe it is all their business. Now they get to stay the hell out of it and mind their own.

When I was dating, I had a

When I was dating, I had a very strong "no kids" policy because I didn't have kids and didn't want to. I felt so in love with my husband that his part-time kids were something I felt I could tolerate, work through, and would actually help me become a better person.

Honestly, I should not have done it. There are available loving people out there who do not have kids, and I believe I should have waited for a better lifestyle match... someone who I could start and build a life with, without all the baggage of the past being part of my life.

My feeling of being deeply in love with my husband has changed and now I wish I could leave. Stress and the inability to be understood by my mate about these issues (I mean, they're HIS kids so he will never see them the way I do) leaves me feeling lonely, isolated, and angry a lot. I'm turning into an angry reactive person and I don't like myself as much. My life is morphing into something that I did not intend, and the only power I have to stop it is to somehow find a magic counselor (face it, most counselors suck and it really never gets better with their help) or I leave. Or I deal with it somehow, but I can tell you this...

I'm not happy.

I believe in divorce. If you

I believe in divorce. If you are that unhappy you shouldn't be in the relationship. My second husband had a 4 yr old child fulltime. I became instant mommy since his mom decided her new bf and drinking was more important. That kid did eveything he could do to ruin my life, ofcourse in front of daddy he was an angel. In the end we divorced due to his inability to listen to me. That and he got physically abusive a few times. He told me i was a bit&^ and just hated his kid. He called sometime after we divorced and apologized. He saw how his kid really was. Anyway the moral of the story is "the only persons happiness that matters is yours, if you are not happy then that is your first priority."

No, I would never marry a man

No, I would never marry a man with grown daughters again, or even date one for that matter. I am sick to death of hearing how I took their Daddy away from them (they are 34 and 32 and we have been married 9 years). Plllleeease. One of them told me to watch Pink's Family Portrait Video and I would understand more- has anyone seen it? Really sad, but I didn't cause the divorce and it was almost 30 years ago - but I am still the Evil Stepmother.

Wow thats harsh. But you know

Wow thats harsh. But you know what sometimes they can't direct their hatred at those who really deserve it so they give it to us. When my sd13 is angry at ANYBODY I get her shit. But I seriously think that at those ages they would be a tad bit more grown up about things. Thats whats really sad!

No way would I do it again.

No way would I do it again. Misdirected anger at me over a divorce 30 years ago from a grown woman. DH rarely ever will defend or protect me - scared to lose his grown "kids" again - 30 somethings that had their Dad to themselves for 18 years - No way.
If I only knew then what I know now.

Yes and I am with SVT here.

Yes and I am with SVT here. Its not my SO or (for the most part) his children. Its the drama with BM that causes our heartache and HER parenting (or lack thereof). She is setting these children up for a lifetime of disapointment, and certainly rewriting history with SS9 who we dont even see anymore.
Dont want to work and want everything on a silver platter? Well guess what?! you CAN! JUST LIKE MUMMY!
SO wants them to be contributing members of society whilst BM thinks pondscum who thinks they are holier than though is sufficient.

The move across the pond looks like its WELL on the cards now. SO just doesnt see the point in turning this parenting role into a constant battle.

I would not do it again. You

I would not do it again.

You deal with the situation you are in and try to make the best of it, bad or not, it is the nature of women to make do.

I had hopes of DH actually being able to hold true to his promises. He actually did stand up and start todeal with Bitchula, then I guess he figured I was over my 'spell' and he could resume his 'adulation affair' with his daughter.

Sad, very sad, but as of right now i am giving up. i am tired of reminding him I don't want her dropping in for a visit and again why she is not welcome in our home.
It is wearing thin, very very thin.

How does the song go...'Sometimes love just ain't enough'

UGH duplicates

and another

and another duplicate

Sorry....

duplicate

Oh definately not, would

Oh definately not, would never ever, ever, ever, ever recommend to anyone to marry someone with children from a previous relationship....so sad but I've made it this far so I'll keep on... I do have three beautiful children with this man but to do all of this crap over...NO.

I thank God I moved out and I

I thank God I moved out and I don't have to deal with being the glorified Nanny/Maid/Chef/Taxi anymore. I have been friends with exSO for a few years so we still chit chat and he wants me to come back (but I haven't and I won't.) I would like to keep him as a friend but if that can't happen, then oh well.

He allowed his daughters to walk all over me. They have lied, stolen, disrespected me. Before I moved out I vowed I was going to disengage. He quit bringing them to the house because "he didn't want them to feel out of place and not welcomed." I never said I wasn't going to talk to them I just said I was doing the bare minimum and he would have to step up to the plate. I had three BKs of my own. My kids went to a different school then his. I would get my kids up and fed and ready for school along with his three while he layed in bed. And he has the nerve to say he didn't want to make them feel uncomfortable? I gave to his kids like my own. There were two sets of rules for his kids and mine. Granted my BS are not perfect but let me tell you, they would NEVER pull half the crap his kids pulled..NEVER because they had consequences for their actions while his didn't.

In the long run it all bit him in the ass. I moved out and while I saw him still for awhile (I never involved my kids) and I wanted nothing to do with his. His kids ended up telling him off and wishing him dead (like they always do) and they refuse to come over. Because now that it finally hit him that there is a problem with them and that they are just out of control they don't want rules and if they have said "if dad is going to punish us and have rules we aren't coming over." Side note - I think he is happy about it. At first he was upset but he is getting over it.

I would NEVER get involved in another relationship like this again. If a man had children we would have to be on the "SAME" parenting page. But even that is unlikely....

If I knew then what I know

If I knew then what I know now....as much as I hate to say it I would have turned and ran for my life and never looked back. Hindsight is always 20/20 as they say. ((sigh)) :O

To quote a wise woman earlier

To quote a wise woman earlier in this discussion:
HELL TO THE NO!!!!

I do love my DH. In general, he makes me very happy and if we weren't supporting his 22 year old fat, lazy, doper, unemployed, pathological liar, felon, kicked-out-of-3-colleges-in-4 years son, we could retire and spend so much more time together...

As I said, I do love DH, but years of watching him swallow the lies and disrespect he gets from his son has really damaged my view of him. The smart-assed comments and put-downs and verbal abuse from ss -- only toward his father, I made it clear early on that there would be very unpleasant consequences if he turned any of that hostility on me -- were so bad for a couple of years that I refused to be in the same room with them and NO WAY would I ride in a car with them!

Lost time- hiding in the bedroom, staying late at work, dragging the poor dog on yet another walk all so I wouldn't have to listen while ss verbally beat up on the man I love. Saying anything to ss only led to big, stupid fights with dh.
It's painful watching someone you love get his ass kicked---even if he's volunteered for the kicking...

So NO. I would NOT get involved with DH again. I practically button-hole young women on the street to warn them against getting involved with men with children.

I already answered NO to the

I already answered NO to the original question, but you asked why I don't leave. Great question. Much of the time I wish I could run away and never look back.

I think the main reason I stay is that I don't want to upset my son's life. He's already been through one divorce with me and his dad, and he is finally settled and happy.

Another big reason is that I can't afford to leave. I have been looking for a good job, but there just isn't much in this economy. I've been working mostly fast food and trying to be thankful for that. I worked over 60 hours in a week just a couple weeks ago and still made poverty wages, wore myself out and got sick. That's not a sustainable lifestyle, at least for me. DH's job has great medical insurance as well as other benefits. (My job had great medical insurance too, along with 4 weeks paid vacation and a matching retirement plan, but I quit it to move away and marry DH - stupid, stupid, stupid!)

Also, I guess I keep hoping DH and I can be happy. I really don't hold out a lot of hope for that. DH refuses to go to counseling. But it's one small reason why I stay. And every now and then there are good moments.

I would say our main problem is that we are not on the same page on much of anything. It goes beyond step-parenting. We both know ourselves and each other so much better than we did prior to marriage, and that point is painfully clear. So it is hard just on its own, but the step-parenting makes it possibly insurmountable because the kids, even the adult ones, are almost always there as an in-your-face issue. I would be happy to never see or have to think about my SDs ever ever again. I would never choose to go through this again.

Wow, wicked, I can so feel

Wow, wicked, I can so feel your pain. You sound so much like myself. I do not want to upset my son's life again. But, he is a junior and high school and will be on his own in a few years and things will be much different for me then, if I can hold on that long. I can make it financially, actually I am the bread winner, another reason I cannot understand what they don't see their Dad would be losing. But it's all about them. I just hope in a few years they all live happily ever after.

Wow, wicked, I can so feel

The truth is that I love my

The truth is that I love my husband more than anything and could never imagine my life without him in it. 13 years ago I was young and naive, now I am quite a bit tougher and hardened. The person that I am today would not have put up with so much of the drama that has transpired over the years, but the person I am today would not be here if not for all that has happened. I guess my answer is yes I would do it over again, but if I could - I would stick up for myself and the truth a whole lot sooner than I did.

Be strong. Make sure you are a team. Back him up and make sure that he backs you up. Good luck.

No. I wouldn't. It doesn't

No. I wouldn't. It doesn't get better when the stepkids grow up. They just learn more manipulative ways to screw with you. For years I dealt with raising my stepkids. BM dropped out of the picture for 5 years. The kids were 15, 13, and 11. I get along famously with the oldest but the other 2 continue to be a pain in the ass as adults. My DH travels for work so I was the one stuck raising them. The time, anger, resentment, scrafice, abuse, money, health, and attention I have sacrificed does not even begin to make it worth while. My life was seriously altered because of the years I raised those kids. I would never do it again. Yes, we are still married and only our son lives with us now. I have found some peace and am slowly trying to rebuild a relationship with my husband. But I would not do it again for anything. I survived but at what total cost I may never know.

Absolutely NOT!!! If I knew

Absolutely NOT!!! If I knew then what I know now, you would not of seen my butt for dust!

My first gut instict would be

My first gut instict would be to say hello NO - why would anyone subject themselves to constant pain and torture!! I was fortunate in that the first 12 years of my marriage was manageable. We had constant problems with BM but she was in another country so she could only send nasty emails or make threatening phone calls. My SDs have always been more difficult to deal with than my SSs however, they are older and were 19 and 18 when I met my DH. The boys were 12 and 14 and they came and lived with us for several years. The 12 year old spent his HS years and more with us. Interestingly enough he is the most kind one to my DH and myself. I like to think the time he spent growing up with my DH and I was a positive effect on him and that is why is he good young man. We did not have so much anger and drama with the skids til the last few years. But my DH has no blinders on with his skids anymore and he is in total support of how I feel and he himself has disengaged with his kids. My DH is a kind, loving man and our life together is wonderful when the skids are not involved. I did not meet my DH til I was in my early 30s and I was so, so happy to find such a man to spend my life with. Therefore, I still would have married him knowing what I know but I definitely would have operated differently with the 3 older skids and would have not given them so much of my heart, time and $$.

Yes I would but I would do it

Yes I would but I would do it differently. I dont think i would have married him so soon-our kids were so young-I think I would have made dh have more experience in actually parenting his own son before we "blended" our families together-this excess time would have given me more idea of what i was up against. Dh and I married a year or so after knowing each other-right after ss turned 3. I would have seen more of dh's parenting-I would have seen more potential issues with ss (as he really did not present too many at 2 and 3) and perhaps we could have done some permarital counseling so that we could get on the same page about how we would be raising our children as a family unit. I also would have definitely stepped way back and made him parent his son while I concentrated on my two. I would have refused to keep ss while dh was out of town. Lots of things I would have done differently but no I dont regret marrying dh. He's a good man just a lousy parent to his son. (and just his son-he's pretty good with my kids-unless it involves ss somehow).

No, no, no.. If i knew then

No, no, no.. If i knew then what i know now i would not have married him. Absolutely not. However, do not base your decision on what we say on here. Our situations are all different. I do not have a very large issue with my ss8 because his mom was never in his life. She dropped him off on my husbands doorstep because she wanted to get married and her husband didn't want kids. We have an alright relationship, it is just hard to discipline him because his father never did. HE always felt guilty that his son never had a mother so he got away with ANYTHING! my biggest problem isn't the son its my husband. When we were still dating he said he hopes i can be a loving caring mother to his son and not look at him as not my own.. well, i do just that. However, when i discipline him my husband tells me not to, "i don't know his son like he does". But when i don't discipline him he says i do not love my SS. :jawdrop: I could bend over backwards and break my back for my ss, and it would still not be enough. But like i said, do not base your decision on our experiences. Everyone's is different. I had a step dad growing up since i was 8 years old and we had the most wonderful relationship. He always stuck up for me when his own children would pick on me or make me feel like the black sheep in the family * he had 6 other kids*... So it just depends on the situations....

Not only would I not do it I

Not only would I not do it I would highly recommend no one else do it either. Want to be used and abused and thrown away. Raise a Ungrateful StepChild and you will get your wish.

Why even bother chancing it to begin with. People are PHONY and they make their kids act PHONY to get where they want to be. The fact the do it at your expense means nothing.

I am about to be single for the 1st time in over 20 years and I have two words for any woman with kids "Keep Walkin" i don't care if their daddy is supportive and they don't need a dad according to the mom. I AM OUTTA THERE! After the way I was used by 2 women I honestly feel like it is my turn to use a few women myself. Sure sweetie I really like your kids, come to bed now then as soon as they get stale kick them to the curb and move on to another. Not my style or personality but hey it seems to be the fashionable way to have relationships these days.

I will stay classy it is just

I will stay classy it is just this feeling you get that it must be what people want after awhile. I was just venting my mommy raised me better than that. Now that doesn't mean I haven't sworn off women with young kids as of now lol.

Was married to a woman 6 years older and I just turned 40 myself so I am free to look for a younger model now j/k I want mature and responsible with grown kids that are mature and responsible. That too much to ask? Lol

A year ago I would have said

A year ago I would have said Heck No I'd run like the dickens, but my husband has ceased being a guilty daddy and we actually get a long quite well, had he not had his come to Jesus moment with the way things were going I was really getting ready to pack him up and send him sailing

Nope. No way. Today I spoke

Nope. No way. Today I spoke with an old friend of mine...I told him the biggest mistake of my life was marrying a man with kids...with so many available, single, no baggage men available, I don't know what the heck I was thinking...I tell everyone that is not in a similar relationship to run as fast as they can...I tell my sister every single day...I tell everyone...I am only here because he is my bio-son's dad...otherwise, I would have left years ago...I would never have stayed...I would never have dated him...never...ever...

If I knew then what I know

If I knew then what I know now I would have become a lesbian and got on the first plane to the other side of the planet.

The only saving grace is that because I didn't I now have a beautiful son who by virtue of his existance keeps me standing.

I totally relate to this

I totally relate to this comment. I too worked to remove toxic people and negative people from my life. Now I'm surrounded by his family and their endless 'poor me' attitudes.

Also laughing... because I insisted we get a dog this past year. He is the light of my life now.

NO NO NO. I am so sorry to

NO NO NO. I am so sorry to say that I probably would run in the other direction.

I have to pipe in to say my

I have to pipe in to say my advice to women marrying someone... is never marry a man with kids from a previous marriage. So my answer would be no. IN spite of the fact that we love each other dearly... his SD's in particular have made our life a living hell. Now that they are grown up, they're just better at it. His SS is not so bad. (different mother)

Wow. I just woke up this morning approaching our 15th wedding anniversary tomorrow and the money that would have been spent on that was instead spent on DH visiting his SD and their SIX kids in the UK. Nobody has jobs. Nobody has money. So it was all up to us. Now he says... he has a reason to really work and earn money. For THEM.

They are a bottomless pit with no intentions of ever getting their acts together. So why have I bothered to work my butt off for us and make things happen for us when he only cares about taking care of his poor helpless SD's?

I honestly don't know.

So in answer to the big question... to do it over? I would have chosen differently.
Sad. But true. Very sad. The pain is simply too much, too often with guilty daddy syndrome every single day of my life.

ps. THis is my first post. And I'm so relieved to have found this forum.

You are here

if you knew then what you know now...