Insurance??
Most everything about my stepchildren (almost 18 and 21) doesn't bother me...except the insurance issue. When I was 18 my mother remarried (my father had died when I was 4). My stepdad was very good to me in many ways that I am much more appreciative of now than I was then... the biggest is in insurance. He kept me on his very good (union job) health insurance until I had to get off and I was able to provide my own (because of the 4 year college that he paid for).
Now, leap forward 20 some years. I have these two hateful, manipulative stepdaughters that I rarely see, but the only thing that bothers me is that I have the benefits through my employment that would cover them. My husband doesn't have insurance through his employer. He pays substantial child support that will hopefully should all go well end this June with graduation. (fingers crossed) I am not sure if they are aware that they are eligible or if they even care, but it seems that it would make their life a bit easier...especially since at 18 both likely will have come off the statefunded healthcare that mommy has set up for them.
I don't feel comfortable giving their Mom access to any of my benefit information (she already has committed fraud and altered my cell phone account once) so I will not offer this, but I do feel a bit guilty because they are eligible dependents and I know that SD21 is struggling a bit and may be penalized for not having insurance. I know how much it meant to me that I was covered for a time by my stepdad's insurance.
I have discussed with my husband and he agrees. His girls are not all that civil to either of us and he doesn't want his ex trying to tamper with my health insurance.
What other experiences have people had? Anything similar? I imagine the advice will be to get over it...not responsible...but my stepdad wasn't either. Different situation. I guess I just want to hear that I am not alone or that perhaps I am doing the right thing protecting myself from further fraud?
When I say most everything
When I say most everything about them doesn't bother me...I guess I mean that most everything I feel is out of my control and therefore I don't feel guilty about. They do bother me in their outright disrespect, manipulation, and dysfunction....don't get me wrong.
I do not hate my SD24 in the
I do not hate my SD24 in the slightest, she is not disrespectful or hateful to me like a lot of step kids, but I still wouldn't have her on my insurance. She lets her BM talk her into all kinds of things and I wouldn't put doing something fraudulent past either of them.
Go with your gut.
If they are both adults why
If they are both adults why would their mom be handling their insurance that you provide?
Were you civil with your step dad or did he provide you with insurance after you acted like your skids do? To me that is the difference of the treatment. If they were nice kids I can totally see you helping them out but since they are not why are you worried about taking care of skids that aren't worried about their own treatment of others?
I think nice people do nice things for other people and if you continually do nice things for mean people that eventually you will end up very upset that you allowed yourself to be used.
The youngest is still 17 for
The youngest is still 17 for a few more days. I think in this state there is a subsidized health insurance until 18. The other who is 21 appears to not have any insurance. I don't ask. Based on lack of contacts and a couple of comments about medical bills that weren't covered after her baby was born...I believe she may not be on any plan.
BioMom is not someone who I deal with...my hubby doesn't either. His youngest the 17 year old has seen him twice in 3 years. The 21 year old comes on a bimonthly basis usually with some hidden agenda.
I think I only feel bad because I was a bit of a pain in the butt to my stepdad...not like this but a pain nonetheless.
"If they are both adults why
"If they are both adults why would their mom be handling their insurance that you provide?"
Because the skids would share the info with BM.
I don't know if this is true,
I don't know if this is true, but I am told that bio mom used "connections" to bill some of her own procedures to her children's insurance in the past. I don't see how it is even possible...but she has a way (hence accessing my phone account) of getting into things that she doesn't belong in. It makes me very nervous.
I also don't want to suggest this and further his children's sense of entitlement. They are not entitled to other benefits of my work. The health insurance does allow me to carry noncustodial stepchildren.
I am also concerned about deductible issues. Who is responsible? I am not sure what the court order says, but would I be forced to pay their copays out of my HSA? Clearly there is not a court order on the SD21...but who pays the deductible then?
I was living with my stepdad when he carried me on his insurance. And I was civil...a brat but civil.
why do you even feel bad
why do you even feel bad about it? Leave it alone and do so guilt free. They are not your problem and all of your other reasons are more than valid.
I have tried. It seems to
I have tried. It seems to nag at me. Probably because of my experiences as a step-child. I certainly don't want it to ever come back to bite me. It is really the only thing that nags at me. All of their problems are self created...I suppose this is too. Had they treated me differently (and their dad), things could have been different. It is all about choices.
Do not do this...It will bite
Do not do this...It will bite you further in the butt than your guilt does. We give my SD19 insurance and DH sees her once in a while if she feels like it. I disagree with her getting insurance from him, but it is not my call. If it cost one more red cent to give it to her, it would not be happening. BM's insurance is not as good as DH. So I still get the bills at the house and it is just one more reminder of this toxic child that I have to bite my tongue about.
Your situation as a step kid
Your situation as a step kid was completely different, don't let that sway you against your gut.
If you were to put them on (out of guilt) and then started feeling resentful (which you will), it will be worse kicking them off than not putting them on at all.
I agree with everyone else
I agree with everyone else who says - Do NOT do it!
I think that you are mixing up two issues: one that is emotional (latent guilt over how you may have treated your own stepdad and what he did for you) and one that is practical (do you have any legal or moral responsibility to provide healthcare for these two adult stepkids).
Also, it sounds to me like even your DH is reluctant to insure them. He probably knows deep down that they will not be appreciative and it will create problems between the two of you eventually.
I am not married to my SO, and insurance and healthcare of the skids was one reason. I have better insurance than he does, and could imagine that he would have wanted me to add them to mine. No way. One stayed on his policy until the age of 26, even though he has absolutely no contact with his father. The other (thankfully) got it via her employer when she was 25.
BUT I do know my SO mentioned that if his kids ever needed healthcare and were NOT insured, if he had to go bankrupt to pay for their care, he would do so. That's his choice as their parent but it gave me another reason not get married, IMO.
It also sounds like your SD has a child which complicates matters even further. Do you insure her and not her baby? Next thing you know, there may be an effort to make the gskid a "dependent" of yours just so they can get the insurance. There is a whole can of worms that can get opened, if you give them the opener to do so.
Not to mention the most obvious fact: These kids don't seem to give a care about their father, and certainly not you. Why bother?
I wanted to add the important
I wanted to add the important point: I think the "law" currently says that adult kids can remain on the parents insurance until the age of 26 under certain conditions (like being a student). You may want to look in to the particulars about that, because they may want to figure out a way to stay on your insurance until that age. That's what my SO's son did.
You are assuming that one SD
You are assuming that one SD is not covered now and the other will not be shortly. That may not be true.
If you live in state that expanded Medicaid under the Affordable Care Act, they may still be getting or eligible to get coverage. All of your angst may be for nothing.
I think I know in my gut to
I think I know in my gut to not do this...they won't appreciate what a gift it is and will further be reinforced that they are entitled. I think I was just looking to appease my guilt. It is the one thing I feel bad about. The rest is their choice to not be nice...bottom line.
Sweetheart, get out of the
Sweetheart, get out of the insurance situation as fast as you can. I picked up my husband and SS20 insurance when my husband lost his job a couple years back. It was to be temporary. He was collecting unemployment and it wasn't too big of a deal at the time. But, he never offered to help pay for it (and certainly the child didn't). After paying for all three of us to live (and the child's college tuition which my husband payed before the mortgage while my husband was still looking for a job) for several months my husband got a job (without benefits) I thought it made sense that he start picking up at least their part of the insurance bills and he went absolutely ballistic. I caved because I didn't want to fight.
The child hasn't sent me a birthday card for 7+ years (meaning EVER) yet I am a bitch because I expect when he wrecks the car (that Daddy gave him without consulting me) that I expect him to pick up the increase in car insurance (yes, we pay that, too).
Don't do what I did and think that it's going to get better. You can force the issue and things *might* change. If you don't, it never will. Or (and I won't fault you for this without having to look at myself in the mirror) you can just choose to keep living the way you do. They won't stop walking on you. If you're okay with that (any women, including me sometimes) that's cool. Just know how's its going to be.
Best of luck to you.
H.
One more thing... wait until
One more thing... wait until the kid starts taking fancy vacations (like WEEKS) to foreign countries and goes out to play ALL the time (free cell phone, free health and care insurance, etc) while you're buying everything on sale despite being the bread winner (and sometimes the ONLY bread winner). Fix things now or you will be sitting where I am and it's not fun.
Let your DH go ballistic.
Let your DH go ballistic. Too bad. For the first couple of years of our marriage I was picking up the tab for everything too while DH was working at a low-paying job to put SD through college. SD treated me like dog doo. When I told DH he was going to have to pay for 1/2 of the living expenses (which he could afford because I paid for the house) he went ballistic with me too. I told him take it or leave it. When he 'comparison shopped' and found out he could be paying a heck of a lot more he agreed.
The longer you pay for everything the more intense your resentment will grow. Maybe start off with a compromise with DH - according to what he can financially contribute. If SS20 is not in college he should be looking for another place to live and support himself.