This may sound crazy
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since I have finally got the picture and disengaged from my SK's and the DIL's I find I have another problem and I know what I want to do(I think) but then Im not for sure. The DIL's mom's have stopped talking to me and I know they have been told a lot of lies about me. They have stop speaking and when I meet them on the road they wont wave back.They use to speak to me if I saw them in a store now they walk right by me and never say a word.Why do people mistreat other people when they dont know both side's of the story? Should I confront these mom's and fill them in on why I disengaged or leave it alone and let them believe what they want to?
Are you close with them, if
Are you close with them, if not, I'd let them believe whatever they want. The truth always has a way of coming out...maybe not right now....but it does.
No we wasnt real close .Just
No we wasnt real close .Just got alone good at family events and never had a problem with them. They act very different when they see me. Maybe I shouldnt say anything and like you said it will all come out sooner or later.
There is a reason you
There is a reason you disengaged from SD and DILs, and there is a reason they act the way they do - they learned from their parents. You say you are not close to these women. If you had gotten closer you would have found many similarities between the women and their daughters. Thank your lucky stars.
When people choose to believe
When people choose to believe someone else's lies about me I always refuse to defend myself until the believer brings up the subject. In effect I'm saying that 1. I'm not aware of the lie and 2. If I was aware it is so ludricious its not worth defending myself (only a fool would believe such nonsense therefore you're a fool for believing it).
Then when the subject does come up I dismiss it refusing to comment other than to say it is nonsense.
To play games with people like you're describing I often act like they're acting normally. I wave, stop and try to talk or otherwise act like nothing has happened. Eventually they have to accept that perhaps I'm not the bad guy they thought.
Many people can't do that because of a misplaced belief that these people are important in their lives. If you're one of those then the thing to do is simply return what you're getting, no waves, no recognition etc.
It's relational aggression.
It's relational aggression. They DO NOT, NOR ARE interested in hearing the truth. Don't waste your time or efforts in trying to convince them otherwise. They are dead to you just like your SK's.
I run into my evil "Attila the Hunn" SIL (DH's SIL), and I look right through her. RIGHT THROUGH HER. ---like she is a window to the outside. I've made my peace with her a few years ago and apologized for a MINOR infraction (called my SK's "brats" to other family members in a very quiet tone during their Christmas party, and she was hell-on-wheels pissed at me for it).
Now the ball is in MY COURT. I decide whether I want to acknowledge the vicious vipers or not. And I do not. I've actually got them all (BILs/SILs) questioning my behavior because the natural course of things should be "I apologize, and then I kiss their asses for the rest of my life, and forever sorry for being the evil stepmom". They are NOT my family, never will be. I do not acknowledge them in passing. They are mere strangers. And it feels GREAT! I've got my life back, and I AM in charge of who I let into my life and who I do not.
Stop caring what other people think. You'll realize more often than not, they are either jealous of you, and/or have personal issues of their own, and it's much easier to point the finger at you and dive into the drama frenzy vs. actually realizing they've got personal problems of their own.