SD20 has breakdown-( language warning) repost
I posted this in general discussion originally, but wanted to repost here
If it's not one thing it's another and it's been a fucking rough 2 weeks. I feel defeated, depressed, angry,sad and ready to give up and throw in the towel. I just feel like leaving. Why am I putting myself through this?
I didn't go home from work yesterday, I couldn't. I'm sick of coming home to SD20 and her two crying kids and her screaming at them while she sits on her ass hogging the living room tv. I met my gf for dinner, and got home late. FDH and I still aren't really talking. I was feeling much better when I came home...........
UNTIL FDH starts telling me that SD20 is having a nervous breakdown. His ex called him and said she couldn't even understand what she was saying bc she was crying so hard. Life is so hard and she's all by herself and never has a babysitter (bullshit) and she's broke and tired of doing it alone. So FDH rushes home to comfort her and she broke down again and he was just holding her and offering to take the kids more and was telling her it's gonna be tough and don't give up and he is really worried about her bc when he hugged her he realized how skinny she is and he's worried she's not eating enough. :sick:
I'm fucking over it, ALL OF IT
I don't feel bad not 1 fucking bit. Ya know why???? SHE makes bad decisions, she chose to stay with a heroin addict after he stole from everyone in the family and continued to do drugs, she chose to get pregnant AGAIN so that makes TWO kids by the time she was 19. SHE chooses to live on welfare cash assistance and not work her part time job more then 4 hours a week- thats why she's fucking broke. She lives with us, gets dinner made every night. She dumps her kids off an hour away atleast 3 times a week and parties almost every weekend........and she's all alone?????? Poor single mom who gets no help??? :jawdrop: Bull fucking shit
Poor SD20, she has it so rough she's a single mom, shes broke blah blah blah. I don't fucking care. And I don't feel bad for her.
These are all consequences for HER ACTIONS that WE ALL have to deal with bc she lives with us. She gets more help then anyone I know that is a young parent. I was one, I didn't get an 1/8 of the help she gets and I never felt sorry for myself, it made me stronger and yes it was hard, really hard but you get through it. I do NOT have the patience to sit and listen to FDH feel sorry for her.
Needless to say FDH and I are still not talking, slept on opposite sides of the bed and made sure we didn't touch, and he just said see ya later this morning (I usually get hugs and kisses etc)
I feel like having a nervous breakdown!! I don't know if we are at a rough patch or if this is a sign to just leave now. I still love him. He's my best friends but his kids are breaking us. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like packing up and taking BD8 and going somewhere far away...................
Thanks for listening to me vent. I really do appreciate all of your support. If it wasn't for this site I would have exploded by now
I have volunteered at the
I have volunteered at the homeless shelter and seen a lot of 20 yo single mothers that live there. It breaks my heart, but they CHOSE to have those kids with deadbeats and obviosly have burned bridges w/ thier own family or don't have family to speak of. Sad, but it is what it is. We all make our own beds. I couldn't be in your shoes, watching DH enable. I've been on my own basically since I was 12 and waited to have kids when DH and I could support them, this would drive me NUTS. I think you should remove yourself from this sick situation, before it makes YOU sick.
YES! I have brought up
YES! I have brought up multiple times that you don't party and hang out with users unless you are using too..........FDH agrees but we have no proof and she denies it when we ask if she's using. I honestly believe when she's partying with her friends she has to be on something but we don't know what and she would never admit it.
I've made plans and my daughter is in extracurriculars, I have worked a part time job once a week in addition to my FT job to get away 1 evening a week. And I want to start working out more so that gives me more time away. It's frustrating and I feel like I'm at a dead end and sometimes I WOULD like to come home to a quiet house and sit in the living room and watch a show I enjoy, I don't have that luxury right now. I feel like a stranger in my own home. It's f'ing depressing
My SD is 21, a high school
My SD is 21, a high school dropout, has 2 kids, and a husband. They are not mature or responsible enough to pay their bills and are back living with her FIL. I refuse to let them live with us.
I felt a little guilty about that, which is how I found this site, but really it is best for everyone involved.
My husband and I agreed a long time ago that we wouldn't let anyone live with us. It is just too hard on a relationship to take on the responsibility for other adults when they should be responsible for themselves.
Your SD is not doing anything to help herself, why should you and your FDH?
I would be having my own nervous breakdown.
I'm with ya. I have a huge
I'm with ya. I have a huge problem with it when it is due to their own stupidity and dumb choices. Then they expect someone else to swoop in and save the day. Well, honey, I am not the one!
YUP, fuck my life
YUP, fuck my life
I appreciate the positive
I appreciate the positive
I try to be supportive, I know he's trying to be a good dad but he IS enabling her and her bad decisions thats why I'm frustrated so it's kinda hard to put a smile on and act like I give 2 shits about his daughter and her bad decisions. I feel sorry for her children and give them my best even though they bug me sometimes too, they didn't ask to be put in thatt crappy situation.
You made some great suggestions. I will try that. Thanks!
LOL, I feel the same way.
LOL, I feel the same way. He's the best "dad" I could ask for for my daughter. I was attracted to him being such a good dad. It took me awhile to see the enabling and how his kids take advantage of him.
I don't take care of her children when she IS home bc I'm resentful they are there but I always treat them with love and kindness. Hold the baby etc. When FDH babysat when SD20 worked I took care of the baby (I love babies) She has known me her whole life she's 1 now. She walks to me and holds her arms out. LAys her head on my shoulder and pas my back. She loves me and I love her and SD20 gets SO jealous!!!!! }:)
If she stays, you will more
If she stays, you will more than likely, end up divorced. Already, resentments are building and wounds are deep. These are hard things to get over, even if she leaves. Have you considered marriage counseling? Your DH needs to hear all this from an impartial third party. You might try insisting on it or she goes.
Yes we have an appt set,
Yes we have an appt set, hopefully it will help having a third party. I don't know what else to do- the therapist is a man too so maybe he will get through to him????