So Fed-up!
I swear it never ends. I guess as long as we have children there will be problems. I just so tired of all the blaming and all the lies. I have to say my oldest bio daughter has been one of the biggest contributors. Her dad left when she was 6 and somehow even though he was having an affair it was my fault. My counselor told me that kids will normally find one parent to blame and I am the one she chose, not the father that abandoned her and then came back in her life trying to destroy anything she and I could have had. It is just so very frustrating. I have heard for years now all the terrible things she has said about me and it hurts. I love her and gave her the best I could. My counselor says I just have to accept this and try to move on but I do find it hard, especially when I feel I am not at fault and being blamed for things that never happened.
If you can't ignore it then
If you can't ignore it then make it your personal hobby to bare your XHs ass so at least your BD will have the facts.
Facts are not good or bad. They are just facts and if the facts are that your XH was an adulterous POS then that is what your daughter needs to know.
So enlighten her with the facts. Show her the divorce court reporter records, show her the decree, show her every piece of fact that you have.
Protect yourself and go on the fact offensive with your daughter. In a sensitive motherly manner of course.
Assuming that BD is an adult. If she is not, then present the facts in an age appropriate manner and expand on the fact assault as she gets older.
IMHO.
Rags, thanks for your reply.
Rags, thanks for your reply. Both my daughters know what their dad did, it's been no secret in the family. He had affairs on his second wife and finally they split because he was having an affair with his second wife's best friend. All of which I learned from my children.
My daughter was asked to go to her dad shop to get something for him. When she was there she found nude photos and videos of various women posing in the nude at his shop. She was hurt but forgave him just like she forgave all the cheating.
Ex was granted $50 per child each month for child support which he skipped from job to job so he wouldn't have to pay. He was court ordered to keep a job and to notify the court of any job changes. He paid all but $2000 in the end and he pitched a fit to our daughters saying that he paid extra, that the state lost his payments. The state took him to court and he could not prove anything. My youngest asked her dad for proof and of course it wasn't there. I ended up dropping the case because it was a huge mess and not worth it but oldest daughter supported her father.
The man has lied and made up all kind of stories about me....that I took drugs, I left the kids when they were small at home so I could go out to the bars, he told our daughters that I lived with another man while we were still married. He told his mom that I tried to kill my oldest daughter, she then told that to my daughter. It's been one mess after the other. But she supports her dad. I don't think she believes the stories, I did correct all I was informed of but this is her beloved sweet precious daddy that abandoned her and then came back into her life so I think she fears saying or doing anything that would risk losing him again. Isn't that sad.
I was the one left with all his business debts, he was going to file bankruptcy but my name was on everything too. $11,000 in debts, I was making the house payments, no child support for 8 years. I had to work and then as an adult my youngest asked, "where were you when I was little, I have no memory of you?" which broke my heart. I told her I had no choice but to work because I was not receiving child support, and we had so many debts that had to be paid. She then told me that it was a choice I made whether to work outside the home or not. What? Even if I had been on state support it would not have paid all my bills. Just incredible! I busted my backside to make things right for my kids and this is what I have received in return.
Scubed, what did you
Scubed, what did you apologize for, if you don't mind me asking? Meaning, what did you say?
Don't blame anyone, just do
Don't blame anyone, just do what your counselor said and accept what you can't change. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Keep your chin up, stay in touch with your daughter, but don't try and change her mind/opinion, show her what a wonderful woman you are! Maybe as she matures, she'll understand better.
Thanks OMG_Why_Me!
Thanks OMG_Why_Me!