Tex messages with "adult" SS
I had to type this out to send to my husband, because his son called him "crying" about our "text argument"
so I figured I'd share
I'm not trying to be rude.. I have to respectfully request that you no longer cook at midnight or later. The smell woke up me up, I couldn’t fall back to sleep and I am now at work exhausted. From now on, once your Dad and I go to bed, the stove and/or microwave are off limits
“you seem to have a problem with everything I do. You were up and came downstairs before I even cooked anything, don’t blame me
I was awake at 11:00 to get my phone, I fell back to sleep and woke up to the smell of something burning… Ive asked before that you refrain from cooking after we go to bed. Our bedroom is right above the kitchen and the smell comes up through the vent
Anything else you want me to do on your schedule
I’m not going to get into a text argument with you M___. I wont’ go there I tried to be polite about his, shame you can’t do the same
im just tired of your pettiness. You have a problem with absolutely everything I do
I have a problem with waking up at 12:30 in the morning or later smelling something burning… on Several occasions... when I have to WORK and I’ve ASKED you in the past to not use the stove that late
Fine anything else
And don’t worry, I’m trying to get out of here just as bad as you want me out of here
Ok you want to hear it straight? The rule was supposed to be that you were either in school or paying rent…you have paid rent how many times since you graduated from school? Your contribution around the house historically has not even come close to measuring up to what you SHOULD have been doing for these years that you have not contributed rent… you moved your pregnant girlfriend in and your father and I have supported the THREE of you for far too long now, so it IS time for you to take responsibility, quit blowing your money on b/s stuff and either pay rent, contribute to being in the house or move now
How about you worry about your own child. Ill work things out with my dad and when you don’t get to see (grandson), don’t wonder why
Of course you would use the baby like that working things out has to do with a house that is equally mine, so I have as much say in the matter, "kiddo"
I’ll talk to my Dad about this I don’t wanna talk to you anymore please don’t try to talk to me or my son
As far as Im concerned, you’re my dad’s wife, not stepmom not grandmom
(un-freakin-believable) this is from a 27 year old "man"
The sick thing is, he has no
The sick thing is, he has no real intention of moving…he called my husband and asked him for ALL of the money he gave us in “rent” back, so he can “go stay somewhere”
My husband said “how much do you think you gave us and what do you think we’ve been doing with it??”
We have gotten rent from him a grand total of THREE TIMES
That’s $1500… and now he wants it to go “STAY” somewhere? He’s big f’n child
His last bank statement ended with him having two overdraft charges so he’s in the NEGATIVE
he says stuff like this because he thinks that I will be all sad because the grandbaby will be moving out with him
I love the grandbaby, but hey… it’s YOUR kid…. Don’t expect me to get all “oh no, don’t go” because of the grandbaby
My (soon to be former) step
My (soon to be former) step son is 38 and uses his 3 sons in this way all the time. "If you don't buy me a house, we will never speak to you again", etc. etc. My (soon to be former) husband won't see through it. No longer my problem.
His responses deliver threat
His responses deliver threat after threat, don't they? He's even holding the Grandson hostage. Does this work with your DH? What do you think DH's reaction would be if you showed him the text and said you wanted SS out now? Surely with a child, and limited income they could get welfare. It might be worth it to get him out now.
Oh Yeah.I can promise he will
Oh Yeah.I can promise he will use grandson as his payback for you.He will make dear old dad choose which one he wants to see. He will say you are no longer family or you made your bed now lie in it. GET READY.
Ugh I am so sorry. Your SS is
Ugh I am so sorry. Your SS is an ass. Kids should never be used as weapons.
i'm just waiting for sd to
i'm just waiting for sd to try to use her kid as leverage against me and possibly fdh when it's born. this is exactly why i have no interest in her kid at all. because she comes with the baby, and i don't trust her. i will not even give her the chance to use a human being against me.
Your a lot better off not
Your a lot better off not getting involved with SGK's. SS and DIL stopped letting me see SGD after having a arguement and I stood my ground with them. That was my punishment and i will tell you after you bond with them for 3 years and they are taken away from you its just about unbearable dealing with the hurt and it takes a long time to get releif. There will be a place in hell for those who use their kids as weapons and knowing it will hurt you. I have learned my lesson.
I have done my best to not
I have done my best to not get too attached, but how do you not when you have the baby right there, every day for the last year and a half?
Does break my heart… because I KNOW that he’s gonna use the baby to his every advantage
He’s a master manipulator… he called my husband “crying” because of the text exchange, and my husband was worried because there was something “not right” in SS’s voice
Really? I said, because he seemed fine when he INVITED HIS FRIEND OVER to watch Wrestling!
DH and I had a conversation about all of this last night and DH”s solution is to move SS into his Uncle’s house.
His Uncle is recently moved into a convalescent home
The housing market is down and the house needs work
He said he’s have a cleaning crew come in and move his son into the house
The son can pay the utilities and take care of the house, and pay rent to cover the taxes…he’s going to talk to his Uncle and to his brothers and sisters about this
DH has power of attorney for his Uncle
IF your brothers and sisters agree to this, you MUST get a LEGAL LEASE AGREEMENT drawn up
I told him
A) IF your brothers and sisters agree to this you MUST put all the utilities in his name
C) IF your brothers and sisters agree to this, you have to be prepared to evict him when and if he does not pay you rent
Further in the conversation, when I said “he’s chosen to blow his money on himself, he’s chosen to spend money on everything else except paying for his way in our home, he hasn’t given us rent in years, why do you think he’ll pay you rent to live in your Uncles’ house” he responded
DH mentioned this to Leech and his answer was “Because I didn’t’ really feel like I HAD to pay you rent”
Do you know how badly I wanted to rip the door off the stairwell to the loft, storm upstairs and start throwing all of his new clothes and new sneakers and movies and all the other B/S that he spends his money on out the window? Do you know how badly that made me want to take my car and ram it into his brand new f’in car.. that he just HAD to have??
I do without sometimes
I used to get a manicure every other week, I used to go to the salon and get my hair done every other week, I used to buy nice clothes for myself
I only get a manicure when someone gives me a gift certificate for the salon and those times I wind up taking my daughter because it’s more fun to share the experience
I haven’t had my hair colored, or cut in MONTHS… I’ve been dying my own roots for ages and I look scraggly and need a haircut
I buy clothes now only when I HAVE to, if a pair of pants totally wear out or if one of my work blouses get threadbare….
I can’t get that back, but I informed my husband that until his son does move out… ALL the bills are now his. The ONLY bills I am paying from this point on, are my very own or those for my DD…
He can HAVE the electric/gas bill
He can HAVE the tax bills
He can HAVE the phone bill
He can HAVE the water/sewer bill
He can HAVE the cable bill
He can HAVE the mortgage
I will buy groceries for me, him and my kid
I will pay my car payment and my car insurance
I will pay my credit card bill
I will pay MY share of the cell phone bill
I will pay my kids camp dues
I’ll put gas in MY car
And that’s it
I’m not going to pay one more household bill to support this lazy, good for nothing, selfish, entitled narcissistic piggish pathetic self centered hoggish, thoughtless a-hole!
I will now have some of my own money to spend on things for myself
I am going out tonight after work and I am taking my daughter to get a mani/pedi and then after that I am going shopping for clothes and shoes
And then maybe tomorrow after work, I can squeeze in a hair appointment
And when the electric bill comes in, me, with my perfectly manicured nails and beautifully coiffed hair, impeccably dressed will hand it over to my husband with the sweetest smile on my face!
"I informed my husband that
"I informed my husband that until his son does move out… ALL the bills are now his. The ONLY bills I am paying from this point on, are my very own or those for my DD…"
Good for you! This will really help DH to see the real situation when it is all coming out of HIS pocket. You do not owe SS anything.
CP - It is absolutely
CP - It is absolutely appalling that your DH figures the solution to this mess is moving his "arrested development" son into an elderly relative's home while they are in a convalescent home.
First of all, is the uncle going to be permanently living in the nursing home? If not, what happens when uncle wants to go back to his home and these squatters are in there? Is uncle in a state of mental capacity to understand what he's agreeing to? Even though DH may have power of attorney, it is despicable to take advantage of the uncle's vulnerability. Even if all the siblings agree to it (which I hope they don't) I don't see that anything will change as far as result.
His son will not pay the rent, utilities, etc. at the uncle's house ... your DH will wind up doing it.
I hope the siblings weigh in and say "no"!
The next thing I would do is contact social services, charitable organizations, etc. in the community and find out what kind of assistance is available for a non-working single mother and her child. Get contact information, phone numbers, etc. and have it printed out.
I would then sit down with DH, son and girlfriend all together. I would specifically tell the girlfriend that the care of her child is your top priority. She can either get help and housing from her family, or else these are her public assistance options as a mother with child. I would tell her it's time for her to seriously understand that she needs to learn to take care of herself and her child NOW because the 27-year-old "father" will be of no help to her. He has been worthless thus far, and will continue to be worthless. Including the fact he is USING her child as a manipulation tool, rather than grow up and face his own responsibilities as a father. She needs to face those facts straight on and right now.
Because guess what? The scumbag son will not be living with you any longer. In fact, if she needs to go the public-assistance route tell her you are willing for her and the baby to stay on with you for an additional month or however long it takes her to get assistance and on her feet. But make it very clear - the SON will NOT be staying with you! He is out. Now.
She may deny your help and defend the son. But she may also have enough of a brain to figure out the problem is not the two of you - but who she chose to procreate with. And the sooner she dumps that dead weight, the sooner she can move on with her life. If you're really lucky, she may do just that and continue to have a relationship with you because you have demonstrated you are interested in her welfare and most importantly, her child's.
The girlfriend flew the coop
The girlfriend flew the coop on Saturday
Packed her bag and moved onto her mother’s couch… they’re already working out ‘arrangements’ for him to have the baby Mon-Thurs from 4-9 and then from Friday from 4:00 Friday afternoon till 6:00 Sunday
(so the baby momma can go to school Monday thru Thursday and “work” on the weekends…hahaha sorry to laugh, but it sounds to me like he’s getting the baby EVERY WEEKEND ALL WEEKEND LONG because she lost interest in being a mommy
The girlfriend is ALREADY receiving every type of assistance from the county/state/federal government plus heaven only knows what else
She’s going to school on a grant
Her and the baby have 100% free health insurance
I believe she was getting cash assistance
I know she had a “SNAP” Card, but I never saw her buy so much as a quart of milk for our house… her mother is also a serial welfare recipient, so the SNAP card probably went to use while grocery shopping with/for her mother
The Uncle is in a nursing home because of physical infirmities, not mental. And yes it is permanent, sadly… If I were in a position that I didn’t have to work, I’d keep him home and take care of him, but he’s too much of a fall risk now to be alone. We found a beautiful place with a large diningroom that has a huge glass wall overlooking a lake and Uncles room has a lake view from his window
They have lots of stuff to do every day and he likes having people around to be social with… once he moved in, he told my husband if he has to, sell the house and the car, do what he can to help him stay there.
So IF the SS pays the rent, it’ll do more than cover the taxes for the house, more money stays in Uncle’s account to keep him where he wants to be longer
IF SS pays the utilites, then that $$ also does not have to come out of Uncles $$ to pay Uncle’s utility bills
IF SS lives there, we don’t have to use Uncles Money to pay someone to cut the grass every week, etc…
IF… I agree… it’s a big fat IF by some miracle this cretin actually assumes the responsibility that he SHOULD be assuming at this time in his life
But IF that happens, it’s actually more beneficial for him to stay in the house and pay the rent and utilities until there’s a bit of an uptick in the housing market… once that happens, we can sell the house so that Uncle can continue to stay in the Convalescent community which he’s in now
Yeah, I can just see him
Yeah, I can just see him living at Uncles and taking care of his kid...NOT. What a mess and good for you for standing your ground. This has to end! You were only letting him stay there because GF was in school. Now she's go and so is his excuse!!!! Keep us posted.
Put your maternal instincts
Put your maternal instincts in back of you by never trying to see the baby.
You lived decades without this infant you can spend the rest of your life doing the same thing. Don't let him manipulate you along with the others.
Block his phone number - call your cell phone provider for help in doing that if necessary. The shock on his face would be worth a thousand bucks to see when he tries to text the next time and of course you never call/text him again.
Please begin to disengage
Please begin to disengage from this bAby now! He'll have a dysfunctional relationship with the mother which will come to its full flowering once they start to squabble over visitation. And they will possibly each try to triangulate and dump the baby on you in order to manipulate each other. So this poor babe will become the pivot of a lot of abuse. Keep well out!