Thank you!
I wanted to say thank you to all who reached out and posted on my forum about having health issues due to the stress of being a Step parent. Reading all your replies made me realize that stress can really hurt you mentally and physically. It also helped me realize that I am not alone. It helped me to accept that it is stress that has caused me to feel this way physically and mentally without the worry of "what is wrong with me, the doctor doesn't know what they are talking about" types of thoughts.
I am so sorry for each and everyone of you who suffer. It is very hard to adjust to it and to decide to stick with the marriage and the children. My bio daughters are what keep me alive and keep me from leaving my marriage. Also I have a DH who has FINALLY realized all that I have been through and was the first to actually disengage himself from toxic SD19. Having her not in our lives has made it way better for me health wise, other then the panic I have about her coming back. I live with some of the health issues still, the left sided issues, the anxiety and panic and the off balance issues but 3 symptoms out of 31 is way better!
I just wanted you all to know that my heart goes out to you and I will keep you all in my prayers that one day we will all be healthy again. Love and hugs sent. Again, thank you so much for taking the time for me. You helped me more then you will ever know.
Lovely to hear you are doing
Lovely to hear you are doing better.
The anxiety and panic attacks will slowly subside in time. As with any emotional trauma it can take a couple of years to come to terms with what happened to you. But come to terms with it you will. Just knowing what happened to you was real, it wasn't your imagination, you are not going insane.
I still catch my breath whenever I see a bleached blonde with a ponytail swinging off the side of her head. But I regain my composure quickly now. I used to feel physical sick and anxious for a good 10 or more minutes and have to make a concentrated effort to calm myself down.
Like you the thought of her return, well, what can I say. But the reality is, she doesn't control me, she doesn't control my life, she doesn't get to walk back in when she feels like it. It is my decision, and she will never be part of my life again.
I am glad your husband actually gets it now. Mine still doesn't. He wants to keep the marriage, he knows she will never allow him to have her and me, he knows what his daughter is like. BUT, in his hearts of hearts he would be thrilled to death if I said okay let her back in and treat me like shit, it's okay. It's his daughter, he's happy to accept her as she is. It's a shame really, because his lack of parenting has ruined not only her life, but his as well. Fortunately I was able to save myself.
You and your husband will grow stronger from this, you will both be far happier, because you are both on the same page.