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Notthedoormat's picture

hoping time speeds up for the rest of it.

I remember having small kiddos and running after them to make sure they didn't get hurt or into something they shouldn't,  especially in someone else's house.  The only running SD does is outside to smoke. I have tried to do a minimum of helping...only what I choose to do, but I've found myself rather pushed and put upon for a lot.  I try to extricate myself and DH is actually helpful in this. He's taken on a lot, too.

We took them out yesterday for some fun and it was OK, minus the melt downs and wasted food SD ordered for Sgk, and SD encourageing SGK to ask grampa to go shopping (we didn't). I've told DH privately that toys should not be on the list of priorities because sgd clearly needs clothes and she already has mountains of toys. I guess we'll see, though.  I've already had to make a trip back to the store for necessities that SD didn't bring for her kids.  I know she has these things because we've bought them for the kids.

It's going to be a looong week.....

 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Remember that you don't have to put up with BS, your husband needs to do all the cleaning up after them, and keep us posted! 

Notthedoormat's picture

Yesterday,  since SD won't abide by our eat at the table rule, letting sgd track crumbs from the kitchen to the dining room to the living room, all over downstairs, spilling her drinks everywhere because SD didn't bring a proper toddler cup for her. 

DH does seem to be trying,  though.  He asked me in front of SD where I wanted her to place towels and things from the guest bath and I told both of them that there's a hamper in the guest bathroom especially for that purpose.  Yet this morning at least one towel had migrate all the way downstairs to my coffee table.  It will remain there until hell freezes over or one of them puts it where it belongs. 

NieMojCyrk's picture

When is the five star restaurant meal scheduled for? I'd be scared what my kitchen would look like after.

Rags's picture

themselves. It is a learning experience for the kid and for the inattentive parent. If SD is inattentive, let them both learn.

My SS insisted on jumping while on a play scape to try to reach a climbing bar.. when he was 4yo.  His mom had just told him not to do it. He did it anyway. He fell, broke his arm.  He never did that again.  

When we arrived at the hospital my DW was all upset and crying about what a horrible mother she was.  We walked in to the ortho clinic, my DW was telling the nurse how horrible she was for letting SS get hurt. The nurse gave DW a knowing smile then showed the three of us through a door into a waiting room where there were half a dozen little boys all waiting to have broken arms set and put in casts.

DW learned that she is not a horrible mother, and SS learned to listen.  As my GM used to say, "if you can't listen and learn, you will have to feel".

Time for SD and the GSkid to feel.

Facilitate that lesson and do not run yourself ragged.

Start with tossing the towel at SD and telling her directly in front of daddy and the GSkid that she (SD) knows better than to drag towels into the living room and knows better to leave them on furniture. If she hesitates for even a fraction of a second, tell her to get the towel put where it belongs.  NOW!!! If SD tries to blame it on her kid, tell her that she is the parent and if she will not give her own child that lesson, SD can make damned sure that her kid does not trash your home.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Self inviting adult Skids are not guests. They should not be treated as guests. They should be treated as the rude invasive ill mannered non adults that they are.

IMHO of course.

Notthedoormat's picture

Excellent feedback! You're exactly right!  

Last night I did pick up the missing dinner ingredient for SD to cook. And it was absolutely god-awful! DH agreed, my YDS whispered loudly to me "it doesn't have much flavor". I glanced ar SD and back at YDS and smiled and nodded. Good thing we also had bread. There are tons of left over and I doubt anyone will eat is, so I'm planning on calling SD to the kitchen to help throw it out. I didn't touch the kitchen and I didn't stick around to see who did, but the glass stove top was cleaned and the rest of the mess cleaned,  but lots of dishes in the sick. I'm not touching them. 

I think DH may have said something about the towels because they're haven't been anymore dragged downstairs,  but there's a bag of trash sitting in my upstairs hallway....I'm going to tell SD she can take it out when she next goes for a cigarette. 

I didn't chase sgk last night because I was mentally exhausted from work. They want to let sgk go up the stairs unassisted, fine by me.  I took my dog out to the back yard to play for a bit and enjoy the fresh air while meltdowns happened inside. My dog is a breed that doesn't take well to being poked and prodded my children,  but he tolerates them well, so he also needed a break. 

I'm counting down the days till this is over.