I haven't posted here in some months. Mainly because it has been so quiet since my DH and I disengaged from his adult kids. I use the term "adult" for the skids lightly.

This past Saturday was the dreaded wedding that my DH and I went to for his son, over in the Chicago area. In a very rich Chicago outlying area. I only say this, because it might help you all understand what I share. We had always thought that this now "official" skid was spoiled, and after seeing where she grew up, we are more convinced of it.

So, let's begin the story.......

Unfortunately this tale will be on the long side, but I hope to make it entertaining enough make you glad you read the whole thing.

On Friday - through horrible Chicago traffic and toll roads - we finally reached our destination. We had luckily found a nice La Quinta Inn to stay at, which was in between the wedding and the reception sites. It was MUCH less expensive than the hotel that recommended to us also! That hotel wanted $100.00 extra for our dog (a small poodle). La Quinta didn't charge us extra, and we had a very pleasant stay and at very nice motel. I highly recommend La Quinta Inns. From what we heard from other wedding guests that chose to stay at the hotel that was recommended to them, they had to endure kids playing hockey in the hallways and playing with the elevator through the night.

Anyway, we got settled in our motel, and then drove around to find the church and the country club where the reception was being held. It is a very nice area, but obviously very expensive to live there.

On Saturday, we arrived at the church, and entered. It is a very beautiful Catholic church. We immediately ran into my DH's diva sister, and his EX wife. They have become VERY chummy in the past year. We find this interesting, since my DH's sister told us she couldn't stand my DH's EX. :? His sister had previously mentioned that his EX had begun to call my DH's sister, and wanted to "make friends" and this sent all kinds of red flags up for us. Why NOW, after all these years of them NOT talking? Knowing his EX, we knew this was most likely some manipulation on his EX's part. She never does anything without a well thought out "plan".

I must say that the this time the EX had a very attractive hairdo, and her dress was very nice, much better than the frumpy way she looked at her daughters wedding. I told her she looked very nice, and she thanked me, but I guess she just couldn't bring herself to return the compliment, but that didn't surprise me.

We had not been introduced to the new inlaws before the wedding,(even though my DH's son had been living with his fiance for years) so we were trying to figure out who they where. Finally a family walked in that were obviously her parents and siblings. We stood there, and stood there, but no one introduced us. The brides brother was an usher, and my DH's SIL (his daughters husband - the wedding from last fall) but no one intoduced us. My DH eventually introduced himhself to the brides father at the wedding reception. He was gracious, but showed no signs of wanting to get to know my DH further than a quick introduction. My DH said he seemed understanding of the situation of them not having met before the wedding. We got the impression that he has done his best raising his six kids, and he can only now watch now.

It was time for us to enter the church, but a short time before we did so, my DH's daughter (who was a bridesmaid) came rushing up to us and explained to us where we would be sitting, then she rushed off. This was the most she said to her father all night! It was strange, for we assumed the usher would know where to seat us - and he did.

As I said before the church was beautiful and the harp and flute players were wonderful.

We had been handed programs that very briefly explained what was going to happen, and one of the items mentioned was that the EX would be escorted to her seat by her son(the groom) before the ceremony. Why this had to be mentioned in the program to everyone, we did not understand. It ticked my husband off. It was like it had been put there purposefully just to rub some barb in. It may have been an innocent thing, but with this family, nothing is done without some preplanned reason. }:)

The bride walked up the isle, and when she got to the alter, is was obviousl she was going to giggle and wiggle her way through the whole ceremony. I mean she was really wired! She couldn't stop. It was like watching a child be excited waiting in line to enter Disneyland. :O

The priest did a wonderful job of doing a shortened version of the mass. Unfortunately, no programs had been provided that would help the non-Catholic guests understand when to respond, and what to say. It was pretty awkward. My DH and I have experience with the Anglican Church, and their services are very similar, so we were better able to keep up, but it was still awkward. It didn't appear that the brides family knew what was going on either, even though this was their family church. It was curious.

The bride and groom had written letters to one another. The priest shared what was in them. It was a lot of, "You complete me, I don't know how I would get along without you, you are the love of my life, you keep me on an even keel, you calm me down when I get all upset. etc." Things young naive people say before they have been living the reality of married life for a few years. But what really interested us was when what my DH's letter was shared with the guests. My DH's letter said. He seemed to be impressed with the fact that if his now wife didn't like something someone else was doing, she would "tell them off". Like this is good, and mature? He doesn't seem to see that this shows a LOT of immaturity, and instability in his now wife! If she is a walking timebomb, expecting everyone to cater to her version of reality (or rather unreality)! }:)
How arrogant and self-centered she is! And HE goes along with it, and seems to be praising her for it!? He doesn't seem to realize that in years to come - when the romance fades, she is going to turn ON HIM! As you read on, you will see that she has ALREADY turned on him several times! He doesn't seem to see how dysfunctional this is!

When it was time for the exchange of the rings, as they were being presented on a platter before the couple, the bride really got excited. She didn't seem to be able to wait to get that ring on her finger! After she said her vows, and said "I do" and the ring was finally on her finger, she said, "Yes" to herself, like she had finally accomplished her goal of manipulating this guy to marry her. It was not a humorous moment, no one laughed, and it was rather sad in our opinion.

All through the vows she wiggled and giggled. Nothing seemed to be taken nor approached with maturity nor grace. EVERYTHING was funny and a joke. We can understand some nerves causing this, but it never stopped! She didn't seem to even be trying to calm herself.

The quasi-program had mentioned that as the newlyweds walk back down the isle, the guests were supposed to "follow them" out. No one moved. We had all been brought in by ushers, but there was no usher in sight to help us know which row on which side of the isle was to begin leaving. We all stood waiting, and waiting, and waiting, until finally the guests took it upon themselves to leave row by row.

The strange thing was that the newlyweds then backtracked and came back up to the alter for photographs. The guests didn't know what was going on. They mingled around in the entryway, and then they finally came back in the church and sat in the seats in the back of the large church. They had to wait for the photographs to be taken. One thing was that at least the photographer was very professional, she really knew what she was doing, and did a wonderful job. Totally opposite from my DH's daughters wedding photographer. This photographer knew her stuff. She knew how to handle the bride when she tried to take control of the photo shoot. The photographer was a professional!

Finally, the photographs were done, so the guests were asked to leave the church and wait on the steps outside for the newlyweds to exit. We waited, and waited, and waited. My DH said he overheard his new DIL tell the photographer that the church was rented until 4:30PM and they could stay until then for as many photos as possible. He said the way she said it was like she was not leaving until they got every minutes worth of their time out of their church rent money, and no one was going to rush them. It was obvious that the priest and the church helpers wanted to go home.

There was a shuttle to take people back to the reception, but because my DH and I drove, we headed over there on our own. Some others did also in their own cars.

When we finally arrived at the reception (which was miles away fromt the church) we were told that we were early so we had to sit in the bar or out on the patio. Finally, we were allowed to enter the dining room, but then were told to leave. We were kept in a waiting area, but were finally served drinks and appetizers. It was another hours wait to enter the reception hall, but it went by quickly.

When we were seated at our tables, we found out that my DH and I were crammed around a round table with his sister and her family. There should have been an extra table used in our opinion, but we made it work. The food was wonderful and the service excellent.

My DH's grown niece, sat next to me, and she was entertainment all alone. For some reason she had ordered a "special meal" just for herself. We have never heard of her having allergies, or food issues. We can only see she did this because she was on a diet! The food was not high fat, and it was very well prepared, but this woman had to make a big production out of what she was to have. She had also brought along her own "baggy" of spices. She would bring this little baggy out periodically to sprinkle her "special spices" on her salmon and plain baked potato. She ended up putting butter on her potato anyway, so she should have just eaten the mashed potatoes that were served with the meal. :?

My DH's niece's husband just can't seem to get the hang of how to not eat like he's on the farm. He is a farmer - and a good one - and we have nothing against farmers - they are an important part of our culture - but for all the money his wife makes working for the State of Michigan in a very important job, and the way she acts all superior and wants to be in control of everything, you would think he would have had the opportunity to learn somewhere that you don't dip your roll in the soup and slurp in into your mouth at a fancy wedding reception.

To make up for the bad manners, it was fun to watch the young boys get into the activity of blowing the horns and clacking the clackers that had been provided to make the newlyweds kiss! Each boy had two horns in their mouths and two clackers in each hand. They were funny and cute to watch. I said we should call them "The Click and Clack Boys". They were well behaved, but having the a lot of fun.

It was time for the Best Man to give a toast. He did a very nice job. He was humorous yet not crude. He had some well told funny stories to tell about his lifetime friendship he has had with my DH's son. It was nice to NOT have to listen to my DH's EX give the toast instead of the best man, as she did at their daughter's wedding last fall! How weird was that? If you are unfamiliar with this episode, the EX - instead of the best man - gave the toast to the newlyweds. This EX had said "Welcome to MY daughter's wedding. We hope you all have a fun time, let the party and let the fun begin"! The way she said it was in a very possesive way, and it made you feel she was really saying "My daughter's father doesn't exist, and I am the one who PAID for the WHOLE thing - so I get to do what I want - and to hell with tradition and good manners"! We had people come up to us later and let us know they were not happy with how rudely my DH was treated at his own daughters wedding. After the wedding it seemed very clear that the daughter liked that her father was there to give her away, and to have photos taken with her, and have the father-daughter dance, but after his "duties" were done, she ignored him.

Next, it was time for the brides Maid of Honor to give a toast. She told how she and the bride had met in college, and were roommates. She told a story about an incident that happened when they were in their college apartment, and the bride had just begun dating my DH's son. It seems that the two girls were in their apartment and they heard a "noise". They were scared and wondered if someone was trying to break into their apartment. They locked themselves in a bedroom. Instead of calling the police THEN, my skids future bride went into the kitchen and got a steak knife, put it in her purse and they went to Target store - with a concealed weapon in her purse? It was lucky no one saw it or she could have been in really deep crap at Target! :O

They finally came home, and heard this same "noise" so they left the apartment, and THEN they called the campus police. They waited in the car for a half-hour but the police never showed. They called the police back, and they were told the police thought it was a "crank call" and so they never dispatched an officer. At this same time period, my skids future bride (who he had just recently begun to date on a regular basis) calls him (who was across the state at home for the weekend) and proceeds to YELL AT HIM for not being there to "protect her"! So, my DH's son calls his friend who is still on campus, to go over and "save" his new girlfriend and her roommate. No "intruder" was found, so the girls went back to their apartment.

From what the Maid of Honor said, this was not the only incident where my skids future wife would YELL at him because he wasn't doing what SHE felt he should be doing - in regards to MAKING HER HAPPY? Like it is up to him to jump through all sorts of hoops to keep her happy because she is unable to deal with life maturely on her own? How immature is that?

This story further confirmed for us how co-dependent she is, and that my DH's son is willing to go along with it! She is a diva that DEMANDS that her boyfriend/then fiance/then husband MAKE HER HAPPY! If he doesn't he is in deep crap! She sounds like the classic co-dependent where she is "giving" and "caring" and "understanding" but if you don't do the same for her that she does for you - in the WAY she thinks you should do it - WATCH OUT! She wants to control, manipulate, and demand that things go her way, because it is obvious that HER WAY is the BEST WAY. She knows, see, and does all, and she expects recipricol treatment. After all she EARNED it! You better PAY UP!

We pray for their marriage - for they are going to need it! The longer my DH is away from his family he is then better able to see how co-dependent they all are. Narcissim, and co-narcissism are very evident also.

If you are interested in understanding about co-dependency better, because it comes into play in your relationship with your skids, and spouses EX, there is a good book out there called "Co-dependent NO MORE" by Melody Beattie. You don't have to come from a family where there is alcholism or drug abuse to be co-dependent! This book has been around for 25 years, and is a classic. It is a real eye opener.

Well thanks for reading and listening to my rant/post. As far as we are concerned we are staying as far away from the skids as we can. My DH says that until they apologize to us (especially me) he won't go out of his way to be in relationship with them. He will contact them via email, but that is it, and very briefly to wish them happy birthday, or happy holiday, or give them important news. Other than that they need to grow up and deal with their dysfunctional ways of dealing with life. There little chance of this happening, because they surround themselves with other co-dependent and co-narcissistic people - "birds of a feather flock together". Until some like event(s) happen that will hopefully wake them up, we see little chance of having a healthy relationship with them.

Our prayers go out to all of you who are still in the battle. God bless, and strive to disengage. It is worth the peace you gain from stepping away from the chaos!